Is he no longer attracted to me?

**ofhumanbondage** · 08-21-2010 07:18 PM

First off, hello and thank you to those who take the time to give me advice. It is deeply appreciated.

I have been with my fiance for 3 years now, and I am suspecting that he is no longer physically attracted to me. I don't blame him really, as I feel that I am quite unappealing and a big step down for him knowing his past relationships.
We have had at least 5 separate discussions on his porn use. I have made it very clear to him that it makes me feel even worse about myself especially since he doesn't even masturbate to people having sex, its womens bodies. He claims that he is not addicted but that he finds them "hot" ergo I am not hot. He also likes to look at women who have large bums and breasts while I am a flat little child. He can't stop even though I told him it makes me uncomfortable to be intimate.
I have been considering breast implants because I a very small a cup and feel inadequate and like I will never be sexy to him And while he says to do what makes me happy he has made jokes about how I should get bigger implants (I want to be a b cup, he said c) He has also admitted to me that he does not place me at the top of his list on who is hot but he says he does love me. He is also closing his eyes a lot when we have sex.
Another thing is that he bought a "pocket " fleshlight which has made everything worse. Now I feel that I am not "tight" enough for him because it a "super tight" model. He didn't even discuss buying one, it was just there one day with a new bottle of lube already half gone.

Is he disgusted by me now? How can I change these things that require surgery? Sorry so long, I don't have any friends anymore that aren't his..

**Mes T** · 08-21-2010 07:45 PM

Jeez! Hon this man is a very negative influence on your life, you sure you want to stay with him? I don't think breast implants are the answer to this particular situation. What would you do if you got them but he continued to look at those pictures...? So then you'd be left with these things inside your body that may or may not cause you physical complications?

There are a lot of men out there who would not only love you but also find your specific body type very attractive.

**ofhumanbondage** · 08-21-2010 10:25 PM

Thank you for the advice, I suppose I should have also said that he is otherwise very caring and sweet, but he continues to promise things but then the same issues come up again and again. Its just very hard for me to believe him when he gets defensive and lies. I have told him before that he needs to build his trust with me again but he can never give me a reason for why he repeatedly violates my trust. The straightest answer he has given me is 'because it feels good.' I just can't get over the belief that the problem is me. Thanks again, it is nice to be able to talk to someone about this.

**jns** · 08-22-2010 12:08 AM

It sounds like he is sadistically playing with you; seeing what you will put up with. There is someone out there for you that won't do this; why do you stay?

**zoloswife22** · 08-22-2010 12:19 AM

Hi all!!
Honey you can do LOTS BETTER THAN HIM! I have has kids and I have had the same problem and the guy was actually fantasizing aBOUT OTHER WOMEN WHILE WE WERE INTIMATE!! If you want to have breast implants do it for yourself...not for someone who doesn't appreciate you already!

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-22-2010 09:15 AM

I think you have yourself and insenstitive jerk of a boyfriend. How would he feel if you looked at pictures of men with bigger penis's than his all day and weren't interested in sex with him. If you went out and bought A HUGE dildo and left it on the nightstand. If you told him all the time that his penis is not the best you have ever had, that you've had bigger, better... that his doesn't top your list... but you do love him.

He would be in a ball crying on the floor. But you don't do that. You don't aim to hurt him. But for some reason he feels fine hurting you and making you feel worthless. Sweetie you can do so much better. I know you love this man and have so much emotionally invested in him... but he doesn't deserve someone that loves him enough to even worry about the silly junk he does.

Let his fleshlight care for him when he is sick. See if his computer monitor will give him a bj when he wants a physical connection. Let him take a porno mag to the movies and sit it next to him on the seat and hold its hand.

He's placing all that junk above you, he's making you feel bad about yourself, he has no manners, no respect and no understanding of how to treat people. There is nothing wrong with you... any woman would have a problem with his ways... let him be someone elses problem... really, you deserve to feel wanted, special and loved. For a guy to treat your feelings like the fragile glass they are.. and to be kind to you.

Look at dating sites and see the MANY men... hoping begging for the opportunity to make a connection with a loving woman that cares... that wouldn't dream of placing a plastic tube over their gfs feelings... there is no shortage of men that would treat you how you deserve. You don't need to put up with this.

**PandaPaws** · 08-22-2010 04:10 PM

^^ very much agree with HD.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-22-2010 05:04 PM

The straightest answer he has given me is 'because it feels good.'

Control... You say he's the sweetest, nicest, but then he makes a comment like that, when you ask him why he won't answer, won't work with you it feels good, to rebel, to ignore. CONTROL.

You know, we are all beautiful and the more our SO makes us feel beautiful, the more we glow.. Visa versa, he's very toxic for you, he's lowering your self esteme to the extent where your working towards, changing your body to make him happy, your feeling fat and un-attractive, because he is making you feel that, your not feeling tight down there, because he's making you feel that.

When a person, continues to constantly put a person down, in the end, they feel worthless, nothing, and see the "nice" as "love" remain, in that relationship, not realising that what they are doing is controlling, the person to a level, whereby, "your mine" and you'll never, ever, walk...

Why? So that they are safe, they have someone to do all they desire, as well as have everything else they desire, as they control what goes on in their lives, as your self esteme falls to the bottom of the pit and think no one would ever love you, he does..

Don't get any inplants, please.. Your not doing it for you, your doing it for him, then you'll feel like meat as he plays with his new toys.

CW

**ofhumanbondage** · 08-23-2010 08:41 PM

Thank you all for taking the time to give me such kind words and advice, I am truly grateful. After reading these responses I decided to try and talk to him again about how hurt I feel over his actions. I told him that it is so hard for me to trust him now, with him not only lying to me but disregarding my feelings on a number of occasions. He said that he was being a complete "douchebag" (his words, not mine) and that I have every right to be angry and to not forgive him. But that doesn't make me feel any better. To clarify, I asked him if he basically chose a physical pleasure over hurting my feelings- the woman he professes to love- and he said that yes, he did.
I do love this man, but I feel so incredibly disrespected, and although he has apologized I just can't seem to get over it. He still swears that he is not thinking of other woman while we are intimate but how can I believe what he says? How can I believe anything that comes out of his mouth about this subject? Why would he reveal now, after all this time, anything else he does or has done? This would only prove my point even more and make him look worse.
I somehow feel worse over the fact that he does this not mainly because he finds me unattractive, but because he doesn't care about hurting me.

Thank you ladies, for the time, the thought, and the love. May only the best in love and life find you <3