Old emotional affair girl wants to return.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-22-2010 10:53 PM

I'm hoping stressed won't see that we hijacked her thread, na, she'll laugh...

I guess we have to wait and see how he reacts to her suggestion and I'm hoping he says, "good idea"....

And, um, well, I love your posts, but the fact I had to check means, I had second thoughts, or remembered you saying in a post once, "I'm a guy", one of the two, checked your page lol's... and edited.

Hey at least I'm honest.

SORRY STRESSED, SERIOUSLY, PROMISE NO MORE HI-JACKING...! Hope it's all good news when you return.

**stressed** · 08-23-2010 05:54 AM

We haven't had a discussion yet, I was too tired for it. But here is her last email to me:

"It's just something personal that I wanted to discuss only with him. He is a big boy. If he knows and he wants to tell you about me, it's his right. As for all the sexual comments you made, my relationship with him was never of the sort, not even visually. If your mind wants to build such possibilities, that as we were talking we had sybersex for fun, then do so if that's what you want. Or if you think that I suddenly had nothing better to do than go over there and have sex, then again, think so if you like. If I wanted something like that it would have happened a long time ago and you know it.

You've told me that maybe I should have had a last talk with him. I felt that it wasn't needed then. Now I reconsidered and wanted it so that I would also relax. I wanted a talk, not sex. It was something I wanted for myself, even if many years have passed like you say. Because 2 years ago there was a storming of messages and discussions... and anyway, it was a friendship that for better or for worse ended in an unfortunate way. I am not a robot, you know.

The discussion didn't happen, but it's as if it did. And now the closure has come for me too. I'm sure that he sees his future and his happiness with you. I was not and I am not your enemy (neither your friend, no point being silly about it, as neither were you). Even if you don't believe this, my proof is your future husband and this is enough to me. I have nothing else to solve, the subject is closed. And it won't continue. That's all"

Maybe I should skip the call after all...? Or...? I'm confused again, and some things she says upset me.

**stressed** · 08-23-2010 06:08 AM

You should know my opinion about hijacking by now..... THE MORE, THE BETTER!

p.s. I also want to thank jns and all the guys who might post. I just know that us women love to be called girls

**LanaBear** · 08-23-2010 09:43 AM

Don't let it fester... Have the discussion with him, even with her last e-mail. But, I think you will have to judge his reaction and so forth based on the conversation you have. See how it meshes with the e-mails she has sent you. I think it is going to have to be a spur of the moment decision on whether you bring up the 'last' call or not.

**rcoreyus** · 08-23-2010 11:47 AM

From what you have seen, I don't see any reason to think that something is still going on. I don't think there is much reason to press your SO on this - it would just be a distraction from other problems in your relationship. If he is innocent (he probably is, but of course you can't know) then complaining will make him feel righteous and think he is the injured party.

**stressed** · 08-24-2010 12:19 PM

I told him he doesn't have to make the call. I got the answers I wanted from the girl anyway. Although he did say that he was thinking of what to do, whether to write her and tell her how happy he is with me, that he didn't mean what he said, that he was confused then and was almost addicted to his online life.
Here's the last from her (after some "e-pushing" from me), which I won't reply to:

"Since you've read what I wrote him then you know very well what I answered him every time. Every time he complained, every time he said what he said. I always told him to talk to you and put himself in your place. Even when I thought you were wrong, I still took your side. And that's the only thing I blame myself for in a way, maybe because as a friend I should have been telling him what I thought was right. If a friend had been telling you that he is not happy with the way things are, what would you tell him? And not just once or twice...

Yes, I wanted to know if he is actually happy and wanted to hear it from him. Without any influences. And this time I did what I felt I had to do to close this. Because, even if you think it's odd, marriage is something very serious for me too. And I had put myself in your place many times. The easiest would be to tell him "well, if she does your head in then give up". But it's not like that and I've never done that. And I never said that he would cheat on you. And I've never wanted to (edit: have sex with) him, regardless the timeline.

I'm honestly happy with what I read, of course I didn't know any of that. But something I've always known is that you love him. I'm not stupid, I know and I appreciate some things. I've also told him that you love him more than I could ever love him (and I don't mean in a sexual way). Now I know he also loves you. And I am also calm. And I put mutual love above myself. And I don't have his number, that was deleted a long time ago. And I will never get in touch ever again. I have made mistakes but I am no (edit: prostitute). And if you believe that then you know me as well as I know you. It was just something that had been eating me, maybe the time it happened was wrong, but better late than never. And if I waned to be sly I wouldn't be replying to you. And I am not happy for causing you pain. On the contrary.

Maybe the biggest mistake was that we didn't think of getting to know each other better. Or at least we didn't do that. But things were always complicated. If you want to put all the blame on me then do so. But you understand how complicated everything was.

All this is already in the past for me now. I have nothing more to say. You can think whatever you want of me."

She didn't want to tell me why she wanted to talk at first, said it was "personal" and "between me and him", that he's a "big boy". She wanted to be tough. But it's funny how easily certain people "break" with a little "push" and the appropriate words. I don't think she'd dare write again.

**Mes T** · 08-24-2010 04:31 PM

My goodness wouldn't it have been fantastic if this woman had never written him in the first place. JEEZ, some people, I swear. Well... I hope you're right and that she's truly moved on.

**stressed** · 08-24-2010 05:08 PM

I think she wanted more than what she claims she did in this last e-mail, but she got the message and gave up. Exactly... some people... I always hate reading from people who start many sentences with "AND"

so grammatically wrong.....

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-24-2010 09:32 PM

Yeah, I wouldnt grace that garbage with a reply, hun. Just who the bleep does she think she is that she needs to screen his happiness before he marries... uh... last i heard the groom doesn't need to ask some online "friend" 's permission to get married. Does she honestly think she knows whats best for him, that she needed to "make sure" he was happy, blah blah... he is a grown man, and she hasn't been in the picture in 2 years, she knows not the man she speaks of. She mentioned before "people change" she should remember she's not the only one that is capable of change, and whatever silly hold she had on him is no longer there.

If you respond to her, my gut feeling is she is going to give back handed jabs to make you feel insecure in your relationship... tossing in a he told me this, he told me that... and every opportunity. Close the chapter on her, don't reply to her emails and get back to the life she is unable to interrupt without you or your fiance's permission