Silly little lies
hey everyone...im new here but would like some imput on this!!!!!
First i shoudl start by sayin im 22 an my husband is 19 we met June of 2009 and we got married in October 2009 (best thing i have ever done) i love my husband very much and our marriage is great!!!!
The only problem is he lies about silly little things! Nothing really that important just little things that he thinks will upset me so he lies to keep from upsetting me (i can understand that to a point) I seem to catch him everytime he does lie. I have told him that it is a lot easier to just tell me the truth because i wont get as upset as i would if i find out the lie.
Examples of things he has lied about
1. he one day lied about why he drove to work instead of riding with his dad...he said his dad was sick...well i went through his phone an found out that he just wanted to drive that day!!! (silly i know)
2. when we first got together he told me he was born in Kentucky an i believe him then i saw his birth cert and saw that he was born in Indiana (where we live) i called him out on it an he said that they were in IN on vaca an his mom went into labr thats why his cert said IN. Well i ended up askin my mother in law about it an she told me that they had never lived in KY so when i asked him about why he lied to me about it he explained it to me...he is a MAJOR redneck country boy but grew up in town he knew that i was born an raised on a farm an was a big country girl an thought i would like him better if he was from the country (silly yet again lol)
3. he has lied about texting other girls never really anyhting sexual or anything just friendly for the most part an when i catch it an ask him to stop he does but then every once in awhile there is someone else.
I trust my husband an dont think he is cheating on me or anything and i believe him when he says he loves me an wants to spend the rest of his life with me an i know he is really sorry when this stuff happens because i can tell.
i just need some advice on how to get him to stop the last time it happened i told him that if it happened again that i was leaving...i didnt mean forever because i love him way to much for that but i know i have to make sure he knows that my threats arent harmless (which really they are) but i got to prove my point.
any comments would be greatly appriciated!!!!!!
Well, personally seaking, I cannot stand to be lied to. And in my experience, if someone will lie to you about little dumb things, they will lie to you about big, important things. I have no advice really on how to handle it, I never got a man to quit lieing to me about anything.
He may be a bit compulsive about it. A number of people in my family are like that -they will just on the spot lie about tiny unimportant things. Does he lie about important things, or just about minor ones?
he just lies about silly little things things of total unimportance....an its mostly about things that he think will upset me!! so he will lie about it because he doesnt like to make me up set i jus ccant ge him to realize that its much worse if he lies!
so is it a game between you and he or does he do it with other people?Originally Posted by mrs.chrisco2
Sounds like a game he's playing just to get your goat.
Don't play along. He'll get the message soon enough.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
sometimes he does it with other people its almost seems like he tried to fit in if he doesnt feel like he does
He wants you to like everything about him, so he tells you what he thinks you want to hear. If he's worried about upsetting you over little things, then imagine how much worried he'd be over big things. You have to make him understand that lying, over anything, doesn't make you love him more, but less. He doesn't need to lie to gain your love, you have already married him.
He seems extremely insecure to me, but being just 19 doesn't really surprise me.
He sounds like he lies for the typical reason of ... because it sounds better (sometimes if even only in his own mind) than the truth. If this is something he's done all his life with everyone around him -- he's probably a compulsive liar and has little control over the lies he tells, and doesn't always reap a benefit from the lie (like the driving to work lie) its just they can't even tell the truth when there is no reason to lie. Thats where it gets kind of scary. How can you trust someone that can't even tell the truth about what they had for breakfast... got to be hard.
Other than him seeing a therapist for an extended period of time I don't see how this situation will improve. If he lies to you about texting girls, he's likely lying to the girls he texts. Do you guys have children? If not Id strongly suggest him in counseling before you ever decide to have them because it will be real hard on them if they can't trust a word dad says.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
In my opinion, its just his age and his experience. I don't think he knows how to effectively communicate in a serious relationship/marriage. Sit him down and talk with him. Have a long discussion about his no need for lying. The truth, it seems, doesn't bother you at all, so what need does he have to lie? Bring that up and it may help him understand. Bring to his attention that in a marriage there is absolutely no need to lie, it should be an open book between the both of you, whether it be good OR bad.
I think that's your answer.
He's only 19, he would look up to you a little as well as your older, not quite sure how to act, things he should or shouldn't do, as a husband due to his age, it's easier for him to make a "white lie" then he feels that he can't hurt you, you may get jealous for instance, tell him off, remember he's not much past being a kid from school and his previous experience or his mates experiences may deter what he thinks he has to do or not do...
I think you'll find it's an age thing.. Don't tell him off that you prefer no lies than white lies, guide him into Adulthood further...
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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