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Thread: I want a Divorce, need help.

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    Exclamation I want a Divorce, need help.


    Hi , my name is Shelly. I am in need aof a divorce. Me and my husband don't talk, he is barely home and I don't have sex with him EVER. Yesterday he asked me if I was happy and I said no, then he asked if I saw my self with him in 10 years and I said no. I'm not exactly sure what to do. Hes the provided and I have no money if we divorce, how does a divorce work and could i just seperate from him for a short period of time and still get money from him? I need help ladies.

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Do you have young children?
    Is there a reason you can't get a job and become self supporting?
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shelly1234 View Post
    Hi , my name is Shelly. I am in need aof a divorce. Me and my husband don't talk, he is barely home and I don't have sex with him EVER. Yesterday he asked me if I was happy and I said no, then he asked if I saw my self with him in 10 years and I said no. I'm not exactly sure what to do. Hes the provided and I have no money if we divorce, how does a divorce work and could i just seperate from him for a short period of time and still get money from him? I need help ladies.
    Shelly, how did your relationship with your husband get to this state? Did you and he used to have sex? If so, why not now? Were you happy before? If so, what changed? How long have you two been married?

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    Shelly, we need to know what State you are in, as with Divorce, there are different laws.

    I am going to suggest to you not to leave the maritial home, at this point until you obtain all the answers to all your questions..

    I would also hassed at a guess that regardless of what State, Country you are residing in, if you leave the marital home, and separate, there will be no funds forthcoming, until something is worked out, regarding a Divorce and, the posters above me, have pointed out, children or no children also play a role in what you may or may not be able to achieve financially from a Divorce.

    The fact that your husband is asking if you can see yourself with him in 10 years, means he is aware that this marriage is disolving, and even whilst living with you, he may decide to only ensure his debts are paid at this point..

    We would again, as the other posters have posed the question, be grateful if you can provide more information, such as why you want to separate, or get a Divorce, how long you've been married, how old you both are, children or no children.

    Welcome to the Forum.

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    if truth were to be told.

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    you must believe!

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    Hi Shelly, all you can do for now is take it one day at a time. You can go online and investigate the Family Law in your state. You can also talk to a family lawyer to get all your questions answered. Many offer a free 30 min. consult if you ask. This is a very stressful time for you so take good care of yourself and lean on people who will support you like friends and family.
    I am going through a similar time in my life and I am thankful to have a good job. You should look into getting some work even if it is just to help you get out of the house and start making some money of your own and some contacts. In many states, husbands must pay alimony to their wives upon separation, that is why you need to get legal advice. I agree with the other ladies - unless you feel you are in danger of some kind of violence, don't leave the matrimonial home. Do your research first. Good luck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shelly1234 View Post
    Hi , my name is Shelly. I am in need aof a divorce. Me and my husband don't talk, he is barely home and I don't have sex with him EVER. Yesterday he asked me if I was happy and I said no, then he asked if I saw my self with him in 10 years and I said no. I'm not exactly sure what to do. Hes the provided and I have no money if we divorce, how does a divorce work and could i just seperate from him for a short period of time and still get money from him? I need help ladies.
    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    Do you have young children?
    Is there a reason you can't get a job and become self supporting?
    I don't have children and Yes, I can get a job and support my self.Me and my husband live in Alaska and my Family lives in Arkansas so I want to move close to them.

    Quote Originally Posted by jns View Post
    Shelly, how did your relationship with your husband get to this state? Did you and he used to have sex? If so, why not now? Were you happy before? If so, what changed? How long have you two been married?
    Well I am 26 years old and We've been married sence I was 19 years old. We used to have sex all the time, everyday and it slowly just started to stop. We just Don't talk about things and hes never sweet to me. He is a slob in the house and is always out riding BMX whenever hes not at work. He never spends time with me. I really dont want to have sex with him at this point.
    Quote Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
    Shelly, we need to know what State you are in, as with Divorce, there are different laws.

    I am going to suggest to you not to leave the maritial home, at this point until you obtain all the answers to all your questions..

    I would also hassed at a guess that regardless of what State, Country you are residing in, if you leave the marital home, and separate, there will be no funds forthcoming, until something is worked out, regarding a Divorce and, the posters above me, have pointed out, children or no children also play a role in what you may or may not be able to achieve financially from a Divorce.

    The fact that your husband is asking if you can see yourself with him in 10 years, means he is aware that this marriage is disolving, and even whilst living with you, he may decide to only ensure his debts are paid at this point..

    We would again, as the other posters have posed the question, be grateful if you can provide more information, such as why you want to separate, or get a Divorce, how long you've been married, how old you both are, children or no children.

    Welcome to the Forum.

    CW
    Thanks for the welcome . We just stopped talking over time. I still sleep in bed next to him (when hes home) but I dont touch him or cuddle him. The only time we ever fight is when I try to tell him to pick something up etc. We really dont talk about anything. I used to be in love with him...I wouldnt evern say its close to that anymore.

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    I would suggest that you try first talking to him and see where that goes. Are either of you willing to do what it would take to save the marriage? How would you feel if he said he wanted to do whatever it took and started making changes? What would it take?
    If the answer is that he isn't willing if given the opportunity or you aren't willing to work on the relationship then, you are still very young, have no kids, I would suggest that you find a job and get out. Go back home if that is what you want. But other than a ticket home I don't see why he would be obligated to give you financial support. Did you put him through school or something that you feel should be repaid?
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    I would suggest prioritizing.

    Is getting to Arkansas and away from Alaska more inportant? Would time away from him and closer to your family be enough to allow you to sort your feelings?

    Job prospects? Unfortunately I believe both states have had their fair share of economic difficulties. Are the job prospects better in Alaska or Arkansas?

    Some state require counseling as a requisite for filing. Would counseling help or not?

    I know there's lots to think about before you do this. Wish you the best.
    There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW

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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    I would suggest that you try first talking to him and see where that goes. Are either of you willing to do what it would take to save the marriage? How would you feel if he said he wanted to do whatever it took and started making changes? What would it take?
    If the answer is that he isn't willing if given the opportunity or you aren't willing to work on the relationship then, you are still very young, have no kids, I would suggest that you find a job and get out. Go back home if that is what you want. But other than a ticket home I don't see why he would be obligated to give you financial support. Did you put him through school or something that you feel should be repaid?
    Well, I'm not willing to go through anything to save our marriage really. I've been done with him for about 10months now and just deciding to finally leave him. I agree, I should leave him. The problem I have is I really have no one else to talk to at this point about my relationship, I've been a single wife sence we've been married. My husband never liked me going out and doing things from the start. I also lost contact with all of my friends when I moved to Alaska. I want to talk to him about it, I'm scared how he'll react. He sort of has an anger problem. I'm just worried about the money because I don't really want to go back living with my mom, I want to have some type of support until I get a job. The only thing I want from our marriage is my dog, car and photos. I just need support at this point.

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    Seems like the decision is done.

    I suspect that what you may have to do is just pack up and leave when he's not there. You may have no choice in the matter if you feel that his anger issues could put you at risk. Find a way to get some money (even if you have to borrow it) to get you to Arkansas.

    Here is something you may have to accept in the short run. You'll probably have to live with your parents until you can get a job and enough money for an apartment. You may have to file for public assistance also.

    There is nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed about in having to have others help you in a temporary need.
    There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW

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