Coping w/ Selfish Man

**glamgal2** · 09-25-2010 04:45 AM

I wonder if it is normal of men to be selfish and thoughtless and to just resign myself to never having a relationship where my loving acts will be reciprocated? Is it the rare occassion to find a truely loving, giving man or am I being insecure and demanding? For example...my Fiance seeks sex from me pretty regularly but turns me down quite frequently when I ask for his support outside the bedroom. Further, his coordinating spending time together is a very low priority unless it involves sex. It seems his work and kids are always the priority but I'm the default person after he meets those demands and I'm left being the last person to know anything...if I'm informed at all. On nights we go to dinner he'll coordinate at the last minute so I have to rush to meet up with him after his work and I always have to meet him somewhere cuz he never wants to pick me up so that we're in the same car together for the drive to and from the restaurant. However, he does pay for dinner. The other day I asked him to rub my neck cuz I strained it from exercising and I was in alot of pain but he told me he was too tired. However, later that night in bed he starting groping and grinding up against me for sex. It seems he wasn't too tired for that nor did he have any concern about my pain. In retaliation I told him I was too tired, however, I don't think he really made the connection. When I confronted him to talk about my feelings on this level he responded with he was not going to talk to me about it. Sort of reinforcing my feelings in the first place. I love the guy but I resent what I precieve is his selfish ways and I know I'm going to sabatage it at the rate things are going. Further, we just moved in with each other and he makes a ton more money than I do and he demands that I pay him 1/3rd of the rent meanwhile he plans to buy himself an $18,000 car of which he'll pay for in cash cuz his income is so great he can afford to do that whereas I would never be able to come up with that kind of money in cash for a car. His current car is a 2006 Honda CRV and runs fine...he just wants something fancier. Why wouldn't he be putting that towards a home for us together if he's really planning on us being married? I am truely frustrated with the messages he sends me but I'm not sure if need to calm down

too.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-25-2010 05:23 AM

Hun, welcome to the Forum, firstly...

You don't need to calm down, you sound to me like if I can say the "hand bag"...

Your there for his needs, not your needs.

Your there for sex, but not intimacy, cuddles hugs...

Are you sure this is what you deem as love? As, I deem this as your calling it, selfish, me, me, me, and you don't excist or count...

What can you love about that? That he pays for your meals? Then wants sex, will never drive to you, you find your own way?

Your living with him because he then can have sex when he wants....

I know I sound cold, hard but any person that is financial, can be selfish, it's all about me, not you.....

Met his family, met his best friends, talked about marriage, give you a massage, run you a bath, buy you flowers, toughen up, make him think he's not all that and see how he changes...

CW

**jns** · 09-25-2010 07:54 AM

He is selfish and guys rarely change. They may, but it is going to take a lot of work. You will always rank behind his kids, but it sounds like you also rank behind his toys. Do you have any other choices? Are you paying more now than when you lived alone?

**ManINeedACoffee** · 09-25-2010 08:04 AM

This is NOT normal behavior for a truly loving relationship, you are NOT overreacting. This man does not treat you with love, respect, or appreciation even at the very base level - is that really love? I dated a selfish man myself for a long time - this behavior does NOT change, no matter how much you hope it will. Stand up for yourself - show him that while he may not respect you, you respect yourself enough to NOT be a doormat.

This relationship sounds very one-sided. You're there for love, he's there for "entertainment." Are you sure this is what you want for the rest of your life?