Thread: Getting divorced... again

Key words here: rational mind versus fear & anxiousness

But let me add something to that: rational mind, beautiful intelligent woman vs fear & anxiousness & low self esteem.

Your battle is with yourself right now. You have this one woman who is very smart, knows how she should be treated, is beautiful, rational, patient and kind. But you have this other woman who is scared to be alone, who has been beaten down emotionally to the point that she doesn't know her own worth.

I will not be giving you advice then crawling into bed with a boyfriend or husband tonight. I am single. I live alone, just me and the dog. And I have grown to love it. It is a beautiful sense of freedom that one never knows while sharing their space with another. It is an amazing feeling to come home from work and KNOW you're not going to be fighting with someone, to know you don't have to worry about someone criticizing what you do or don't do, etc.

Really, it's not about focusing on your kids. It's about focusing on yourself. In finding yourself and telling that 2nd woman described above to GO AWAY, you'll be a better mother and your kids will benefit tremendously by having the REAL you in their lives.

Without any doubt in my mind you did NOT overreact. You left someone that does not deserve you. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Now.....use this time to focus on YOU...figure out why you've been willing to settle with someone unworthy, just to have someone in your life. Figure out what kind of adults you want your kiddos to be, and how to lead by example. Pamper yourself, you are worth it. And remind yourself every day that this WILL get better, this WILL ease up. Nothing brings clarity and peace quite like time.

R,

BD gave you lots of good advice, so I won't say too much more, except that to some extent, you really do need to focus on your kids AND you. you're right that it is hard to adjust to going to sleep alone at night, but you should love yourself and go to sleep with YOURSELF at night knowing that you love who you are and you have kiddos who love and need you and that you are enough. Think about that. YOU ARE ENOUGH. I know society and fairy tales tell us to be with someone. I won't lie to you and say I'm single, but I do go to sleep some night on my own, and honestly I think I'm better for it. I love my boyfriend, but he doesn't make me happy. I have to make me happy.

You can't change your past anymore than you can change your husband. He married you knowing the situation, and obviously was not mature enough to deal with it. Take some time for yourself. Trust yourself. Trust that you made the right decision and trust that you deserve more than someone who treats both you and your children miserably. That's not necessary. You don't have to live that way! You realized that, and now is the opportunity to move on.

Think about what matters to you. What you love about your children. What you love about yourself and your life. Find things that don't involve him. The people that tell you it's going to be okay (whether they are going home alone or not) say it because it is true. It's not going to happen overnight, but dont' let your fears put you into an unhealthy situation for both yourself and your kids.

Good luck!