Thread: Do you think he cheated back then? I'm pregnant again...will it happen again?

First of all I'm new here...so I'm looking for advice on a problem I have been dealing with for a while now. I hope I'm in the right area. Please understand this might be a little longer since it goes back almost three years.

My now husband and I started dating back in 2007. Shortly after starting to date my bc failed and I found out I was pregnant (which I’m pregnant now with our 2nd child). Which was scary news to both of us, since he was recently divorced and I had just got out of a 3 year relationship. We were scared for a few weeks but decided it was time to plan a future for our baby and ourselves. Being that I only knew him a good four months relationship wise before getting pregnant, I didn't feel like I really knew him. He was in the military at the time and decided it would be best if he re-enlisted to help support our child. Which at the same time he asked me to marry him. I was really not with the idea of doing such thing when he just got divorced. So I decided it would be a bad idea. Since he re-enlisted and we were not married he got sent to a new base that was about two hours from where I lived. No big deal but a hard adjustment at the time for me, since we had been living together for a good three months at the time. He decided to still live where I lived but just stay in a temp housing unit at his new job. This is where my problem starts...

He started working there and a few weeks by and everything was fine. It started one night I called after I had got off work to talk to him. He said he couldn't talk because he was going to go watch some t.v. show with his friends in the place he was living. I didn't think anything of it but since he only referred to his friends by their last name, I couldn't really tell if they were male or female. Reminder I was pregnant at this time still. I called him the following night and just to see how things were going and he informed me he was going to go tubing on the river with one of the friends he was talking about the previous night and they would be going to the gym in the morning. He told me to call him later that night. I did call and he said he was headed to bed and couldn't talk. I was still at work at the time that I last spoke to him. I got off work and on my way home I was re ended. Since he was paying for my insurance at the time I decided it was best I called him that night and told him instead of waiting till he found out my the insurance company himself. I called and he answered but didn't sound like he was sleeping. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was a bar with his friend. I remember this very clearly because I said well I was re ended I just wanted to let you know. He then said he didn't care. I was very hurt and I don't know if it was my hormones or the response I was given, but I was like you lied to me. He then said he was going out to the truck to talk to me. After a good ten mins of talking to me I hear a female voice in the background ask him if he was coming back in or what. My first response was who is that? He then said that was his friend who he had been hanging out with. I was speechless mainly because how he spoke of "this friend" was they were all that kind of deal. He could tell I was really mad and told me she wasn't anything to worry about, she was fat and very tom boy.

I decided he was right, then I started to realize he wasn't sleeping with me. I figured that was because I was pregnant. After long talks and me feeling like something was going on between them, I moved about a half an hour from his work so we could live together and he could commute every day. He was fine with that and even took the time to go pick out a super nice place. However he still had to return to the old base at times and instead of driving a work vehicle, he would drive his brand new truck. Which really didn’t make me happy since it cost us money, I than found out he was taking this girl to work and giving her rides instead of just driving himself back to his new base. Well, after our son was born he started to drink a lot. He had been put in a treatment program about a year earlier since he is an alcoholic. It got worse than it got better and it seemed like everything with that girl stopped.

Then one day I needed his divorce papers for something I really don’t remember what, but I asked him for them and he said he didn’t have them. I was kind of amazed since those are very important documents to have, I than asked him where they were. He then proceeded to tell me that girl had them. My first response was like why would she need them? He then said she needed them since she was getting a divorce but didn’t know how to fill out the paperwork so she wanted to look at his. I told him I didn’t really care why she “thought” she needed them but they needed to be returned to him soon as possible. It took him a good three months to get those back which after he got them back we eloped since things were going really great. One day about a month after we got married he was playing with our son on the floor and dropped his phone to the side on the floor. I told him it was buzzing and he must have had a text message. He then oh yeah it’s his friend (the girl), Being curious I asked what she had to say and he told me something just seeing how his weekend was and all this. That night I was so fed up with him talking to her I checked his phone. It was complete opposite of what he said she had said, rather it was stuff like how are you baby, sweetheart, love, darling, stuff like that. I confronted him about it right away. He proceeded to tell me she called everyone that, I than asked even married men?

Well, as I said before he was a drinker and about two months after we got married my brother came to stay a night with us for his job. My husband got really drunk and told me right in front of my brother he wanted a divorce, because he was sick of being accused of cheating. (Which in fact was something I never did, I just told him I didn’t like him being so friendly with that girl) I stood my ground and told him I wasn’t leaving because I did nothing wrong. Well and behold he quit drinking and we went to counseling and to this day still denies doing anything with that girl (which hasn’t been brought up for a good year or more). I found out that girl was nothing like he described and happens to be very attractive.

This is the reason for the post, I’m not over it. He lied to me a lot during that time and the main issue was I pregnant at the time. I’m pregnant right now and he is acting the same way and has been really pushy about going to drink (he hasn’t drank since the night he asked for a divorce which was two years ago), I’m still concerned something happened with him and that girl, and I believe it’s because I was pregnant. Mind I say he never tells me I’m attractive nor did at the time when I was pregnant the first time. We have a good relationship but at times I don’t feel like he wants me or is attracted to me. Granted our relationship has got a lot better since the drinking stopped and that girl moved away. However I am scared right now it’s going to happen again. I’m paranoid that when he comes home late he is out with another female. He told me many times when I was pregnant with our first child he was only with me because of him, but he was drunk. I am just really still hurt and having a hard time moving on from the situation. Should I be concerned with this pregnancy of him doing this again???? He may not have done anything but he was drunk most of the times he hung out with her and I’m afraid he wouldn’t remember if he did do anything.

I just need any advice. If it’s how to move on, if I’m wrong, or my feelings are right of what might have happened, do I need closure, any advice will do…I just need something to help me not feel like it’s going to happen again. We have been married 2 years now and I love him to death, but I personal know I’m having a hard time moving on, but do I really have a right to know if something happened or not. Or should I even want to know?
Thank you in advance!