Not in love anymore
So I have been with my husband for 4 years (married 1yr). I am sad to say I feel like I am not in love with him anymore. Please don't get me wrong, it's not that I want to cheat or have eyes for someone else. I just feel like I don't know him anymore. We NEVER go out and do things together (besides shopping or getting fast food) and he makes plans without me all the time. I try love him like I used to, but then I just realize I don't.
What do I do? I think it's not fair to him to love me as much as he does, but I don't feel the same way. I want to leave him, but at the same time I do not want to take our daughter away from him, he loves her so. I am just crushed, I don't know what to do. I told him how I feel about his not including me in his plans but he never gives me an answer and DOESN'T want to work it out. When we "argue" he stops and tells me he's just going to shut up because he somehow always messes it up.
How do I tell him I don't love him anymore, and what do I do about the baby? I would most likely be taking her if I ever did leave him. But I just cannot sit here anymore unhappy and crying all the time. I can't even think about having more kids with him because he rarely helps me with our daughter!! I am supposed to be going back to work Oct. 18th (he is done work Oct. 13th) and the thought of him watching her scares me because he is so inattentive. I hold her all day in my arms and he puts her in her rocker chair or jolly jumper right away! He let her fall off the bed a few weeks ago because he was on his phone!!
There are just so many little things that built up over the years with my husband that just turned me off. I married him because he changed his ways for a little while and I thought he changed for good. Now he's slowly creeping back to his old ways.
Sorry for the long winded post, but if any ladies (or gents) know even a solution please help because I have had it!!!!
"I might be a little young, but honey I ain't naive"
"If it ain't an APBT, it's just a dog"
Try picking up a hobby together. Pick one day a week, a month to spend time together alone. Do romantic things for him. Leave notes. You have to stay positive here and keep trying. We were on the same boat for 2 1/2 years until I signed up to do personal training and it has worked WONDERS for our relationship. That is "our" time. Good Luck. =/
You say it's not fair to leave when he loves you as much as he does, but by what you say I don't see how he loves you. He doesn't help with the baby, he makes plans by himself, he has his own life, this is not how a husband shows his love.
The first thing you must do is make him understand that his "plans" ruin your marriage. You have to spend more time together, find activities, play video games, go out together (you don't have to spend any money, just go out for a short walk around the block), have fun together. Or at least try to, to see if there's anything left saving of this marriage.
He doesn't have to "shut up" during the arguments, he must tell you how he feels. That's the positive thing about arguing, that both get to say what they believe hoping that things will get better. By not arguing and keeping it all inside, stacking the issues, things only get worse.
You've had a baby recently and that brings so many changes in virtually every part of your life. Your hormones are adjusting, you are adjusting your life style - it's huge.
Unless there is abuse or something equally serious, I would hold off and give yourself some time to get your balance back.
Talk to him about what you need from him to feel supported emotionally, with the baby and with returning to work.
Give this some time.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
You're in a period of transition, and please don't underestimate the amount of stress a baby can put on a relationship. It has nothing to do with whether or not you love your child. It's the work involved, the sleep deprivation, and the complete change in the way you live. You may want to see your doctor to examine whether or not you have post partum depression. Your crying, to me, indicates that you may. I know, because it happened to me and I thought it was a flaw in me, and it changed the way I looked at my husband.
That said, I don't mean to in any way tell you that your feelings about him aren't real. Sometimes having a baby reveals what we've been feeling for a long time. It can bring clarity to your situation. Honor yourself, honor what you're feeling, and do some things for yourself, even if it's just going out with a girlfriend for a few hours to have lunch and a manicure. Also - men have a tendency to step up to the plate when you're not around, so he may just surprise you and be a great, attentive Dad. Give yourself and your family time to adjust to your new schedule, and then evaluate what you want to do. Focus on yourself and your baby. Try to mix in some things you do for enjoyment. Good luck!
I know I do not want to give up so easily on my marriage. I want to try fix it. But it feels sometimes that I see him more as a really good friend. IDK maybe the lack of sex is getting to him, I just have NOT been in the mood lately. but I do try give him some "attention" when he needs it, I just don't "feel it". He complains that there is not enough kisses and cuddles. I LOVE that but everytime we do that he wants sex right away and usually I don't want it. I am bad for this, but I sometimes avoid him when he feels like cuddling, but that's only because we can't just cuddle, it always leads to sex. I told him this and it seemed to go in one ear and out the other....sigh.
"I might be a little young, but honey I ain't naive"
"If it ain't an APBT, it's just a dog"
hello pity I recall when you so badly wanted to get pregnant and yet you had reservations problems...
Then I remember your excitement over the news of a baby...
You worked hard on that relationship, since baby, you can't , don't want to, you don't want sex, do you know that's normal?
He may be of his old ways but you decided that you could bare that, realise this is due to you having your beautiful daughter and seek some help you may have prenatal depression...
You were heck bent on having a baby, staying with him, in my opinion, the fact you've changed that means you need to talk to someone..
Let me ask you, you say he let the baby fall of the bed, that's scary I don't blame you there, do you think that he is irresponsible? Has he smoked since the last time?
It's hard, they want sex, you just want the cuddle, but the fact is from what you wrote, you still want the cuddle, need it.. TELL HIM that he's being selfish, you've had a baby, you need some love, and he needs to chill for a while, it will all come back..
I do also hate it when I feel like a sex object, fortunately I don't feel that anymore, he does
Sorry sweet, but don't give up yet, you worked through this for so long, either it will never change or you have a chance if you can get it through to him. Compromise has to come into it though somehow.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Men never change, as far as I know. Having a baby just turns your world upside down, I guess it affects men in a different way than women. Give it some time, for both of you to adjust to your new life.
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