Is my marriage over?

**lindsay55** · 10-17-2010 04:15 PM

Ok I can't get into all the details cause that would go on forever. But about 2 months ago my husband told me he wasn't happy. We decided to try to work things out. And then this week my husband said about 3 words to me all week and was always at work or some other project he had. I told him it wasn't working and he left. Then I pretty much told him I wanted to work on it again but he pretty much said the only way he was going to figure out why he isn't happy is if we don't live together for awhile. I told him if we do this we will probably end up divorced. Has anyone had a spouse move out or stay somewhere for a time to see if that helps things? Other things are that he has been depressed before, he told me that he hates his job and it makes him not happy. And also he has been unhappy since his back surgery/our son being born. These events happened in about 2 months of each other and are both very stressful. He was also unemployed for 1 1/2 half up til about 4 months ago he got a job. So he has been unhappy for about 16 months. And we are both still in love, we have lots of fun together when we do things together, and we fight but not super often. We have been married for less than a year but have been together about 3 years. He is staying with his dad and we are still technically together and we are not open to seeing other people at all. I'm hoping that once he realizes that living with his dad isn't making him happy that maybe he'll realize that I wasn't the entire reason why he wasn't happy. I hope that people reply to this because I could use some advice or some opinions about it.

**SaraAnne2008** · 10-17-2010 09:50 PM

First of all, yes my husband has moved out and went and stayed somewhere else as well. We didn't end up in divorce but I made it so there was constant communication going on. I also suggested counseling however we didn't do that (which is because he refused).
What I want to tell you I have only been married over two years but the first year of marriage is the hardest regardless of how long you been with the person. I'm sure you will hear that alot not just from me but anyone who has been married.
Second, he sounds depressed, as you said he has been for a while. I would suggest independent or marriage counseling for the both of you. I think that would help your relationship or set up a time to sit down and talk each day to express your feelings or whatever needs to be said. Encourage him to come home for dinner or to spend time with you and your child, stuff like that. Don't let him push you away to far because that could be the depression coming through.
I wish you the best of luck.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-18-2010 01:45 AM

Welcome to the Forum Lindsay.

My ex husband had 5 disks gone in his back, couldn't work, and was utterly depressed...after 9 months of us being together. We still married 9 months after, the case of " I can save him"

He verbally abused me constantly and was emotionally detached and emotionally abused me, claimed he would never work again, it was his turn to receive a woman working for him, etc, etc, all of this was (after we married).

I stayed 7 and a half years, trying.

Point being, your man has a back injury, no jub, can't see a future and is seeing everything as negative

I concentrated on his hobbies, gave him some dreams and he did get out of it and we did stay together, however, he continued the abuse, something from his past nothing to do with the injury...

We did, separate and we did get back together again, but he basically couldn't change and I wasn't living in a loveless abusive relationship...

Try to bring him up mentally, commend him for who he is, mention his hobbies if he has some and tell him he should start a business in that direction.. Often when your at your lowest, everything around you is negative and you feel your better off on your own.. The fact that you say that neither of you are going to seeing anyone suggests he doesn't want you to and you wouldn't as you want to try to get things to work..

Be careful that that, is not simply he doesn't want anyone else to have you...

Let him see what he's missing in a different way and that is, when you talk, ensure that you are living as well, not sitting around .. That might be that you've joined the gym, or had lunch with girlfriends... Let him see that he's pushing you away and your okay with being independent but at the same time, encourage him to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel...

He does need to see someone about his depression ... sometimes we have to encourage them and make them feel important and give them a hope without realising that's what we are doing..

CW

**sourpuss** · 10-18-2010 08:22 AM

He won't be happy until he decides he wants to be happy. It has nothing to do with you. I was in the same situation with my ex for 6 years. Depressed, hated his job, not happy with anyone or anything. I thought moving out and taking a break would help, I left for 10 months. Didn't help. If someone is depressed there is nothing you can do, they have to want to get better. And until then you're going to live his depressed life. You haven't been together too long, there is still plenty of time for you to move on and find happiness of your own. If he sees the light, great. But you can't wait around for him.
A guy once told me that guys don't get until and appreciate what they have in life until it's broken or gone. I believe that to be true.