Thread: cheating?

Based on your name, the fact that you're here, and the fact that you're asking............ I think you already know the answer hun. You know yourself better than anyone, and if your heart and your intuition says he's cheating, then you're most likely right. I truly can't think of many situations where sending another woman 40-50 texts a day would be appropriate. And in most cases, I'd say it shows signs of a serious attachment.

I guess I know its cheating but I guess I'm asking would anybody stay with their husband if this happened to them?

I would not stay if this subject was not addressed and rectified. To me an emotional affair is more damaging than a physical one. He has created what seems to be a pretty deep connection with someone other than you. For me to stay, we would have to address this issue, and he would have to admit that what he did was wrong and agree to never do something like that again. Whatever he is sharing with her--why isn't he sharing it with you? Why is he so close to another woman? I would not stay with things status quo.

Originally Posted by hurt and confused

I guess I know its cheating but I guess I'm asking would anybody stay with their husband if this happened to them?

It's not going to be the same for everyone. I read your other thread too. YOU have to figure out if this is something that you can get passed. You also need to make sure that HE will never, ever, do something like this again. WHY did he do this in the first place, and once you get to the bottom of that, it needs to be fixed so it does NOT happen again. Betrayal is really hard to get over, and trust is hard to gain, but you have to just make the decision to do it, or not, and move on one way or the other. If you love him with everything you have and think your relationship is strong enough to get through it, and so does he, you can. And the sooner you move on with it, the sooner you'll both be happy again.
However, if you can never move forward in your relationship again, you have to get out. Spare both you and him the misery of dragging it out.

This is actually the second time his cheated on me. First in 2003 he had sex with his high school girlfriend and the texting and seeing each other. Then now he says he was only texting no sex with a different girl. He knows how hard it hit me the first time but he did it again. He said the messed up but I feel he will do it again a third time. He said he felt connected to her cause they work in the same field of work, different towns, and they know alot of the same people.

Originally Posted by hurt and confused

This is actually the second time his cheated on me. First in 2003 he had sex with his high school girlfriend and the texting and seeing each other. Then now he says he was only texting no sex with a different girl. He knows how hard it hit me the first time but he did it again. He said the messed up but I feel he will do it again a third time. He said he felt connected to her cause they work in the same field of work, different towns, and they know alot of the same people.

My husband did just about the same thing. 10 years ago he had a one night stand with a woman while out of the country on a business trip. I found out about it by snooping. He apologized, never spoke to the woman again and I let it go. Four months ago, I discovered that my husband, who is working and living out of state, had texted two women repeatedly over a 30 day period. There were over 300 texts at all hours of the night and day. My husband intially tried to blame me and accused me of ignoring him and not showing him affection. It is kinda hard to be close to your husband when he is living 1200 miles away! I suspected that there was sex involved because I just could not believe that any man would take the time to send text messages ( I know they were sexual in nature) and not act on their desires. My husband finally fessed up and admitted to having the woman over to his apartment twice and having sex with her once. I was crushed. It doesnt help that the woman he had sex with is 20 years younger than him and pretty. She also lives three blocks away from where he rents an apartment from his buddy. My husband has had no conversations, texts, physical contact etc. since the day before I discovered the texts and swears that he has no feelings for her at all. I know that he loves me but I have a very hard time trusting him. It makes me sick to think that he lusted after that tramp and actually had sex with her. I also get a creepy feeling about her living so close. What if he runs into her in a social setting? My husband has tried to blame her for what took place, saying that she knew he was lonely and she seduced him. That is just BS! He is married and should have stood by his vows. We are in counseling and it is helping. The pain gets a little better but the betrayal keeps giving me a knot in my stomach.

Men seem to have a pattern. My ex didn't cheat, but he did illegal things regarding money--and it seemed to come at regular intervals. The first--right before we got married. We worked it through and he swore it was this isolated incident. About 8-9 years later, when I just gave birth to our first child, he got fired for embezzling. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I was in a fog for the first several months of my child's life--do I tear my child's family apart or do I try to work it out? I left him. I could not raise my child in that kind of environment. I felt it was hypocritical for him to be a criminal and try to impose discipline, morals and values. Life goes on. Nine years later, he uses her girl scout cookie money for his car insurance or something. It was a vicious cycle that I was just glad I was not a part of, even though it still affected me and my child.