Was/is my husband doing wrong?

**Ks85** · 10-28-2010 11:50 AM

I say was/is bc I think he stopped now but not completely sure, but anyway he had this female friend he worked with and they texted constantly and she would call him hunny bunny and I saw him call her things like babe or sweetpea.. I also saw where he told her she is who he can share his secrets with , saw another where he said she means the world to him and he loves her, we had plenty of fights aboout her ( also throughout my pregnancy) and he would always get mad and say I need to stop being so jealous and that they are just friends I mentioned the I love u part and he said what I can't tell my friends I love them, and I said something about him acting like she is so great and wonderful and he said : u know what she is great she is wonderful and she does mean the world to me, u know why?, bc she is a single mother whose husband left her and her babies to go **** around, so no u will never get why I care so much for her....(he always brought up her cheating husband as defense for her).... I don't know if he still talks to her I don't have proof, I'm not supposed to look through his phone he got mad at me about that saying I was invading his privacy and I guess that is true I just wanted to see what it was with her that he couldn't stop talking to her even though it was causing lots of problems....even if it is over now it still makes me sick thinking about it and how much they texted and she would call him sometimes when she was upset , plus all that cutesy talk , I just felt they were being disrespectful to me and our relationship... I would just like opinions about it and please no rude comments I just want to know if it really was just me being jealous of if I had reason to be concerned, I just feel like their whole friendship was inappropriate... Thanks in advance

**Agony_Aunt** · 10-28-2010 12:10 PM

She is who he can share his secrets with, and he loves her and thinks the world of her?

He is a married man (to you). He should not have secrets and if there was anyone to share them with, it should be you.
You have every right to be jealous and concerned.

Also sounds like he was emotionally neglecting you throughout your pregnancy to tend to her and her babies. And he rowed with you during your pregnancy about her.
This is making him sound like a hipocrit. He should understand that this is making you very un-happy and respect your feelings about her and the situation it is causing for you and him.
Do you know the girl personally as well as he does?
The friendship by far is more than inappropiate, and I may be wrong but it sounds like it is more than a friendship.?
The cute name calling and sharing secrets and "I love you, and you mean the world to me", I think this goes beyond the friendship line.

**WildChild** · 10-28-2010 12:16 PM

I would agree with agony

**Ks85** · 10-28-2010 12:30 PM

I have never met her but they used to work together, I have seen her myspace page so I do know what she looks like, also one time I did get her number and text her (I was nice) but he got mad at me when he found out.. And I personally think it was an "emotional affair "

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-28-2010 12:54 PM

Um... he thinks its okay to say that another woman "means the world to him"... wow. Unless its his mother or his daughter, he should be telling no other woman that they mean the world to him. He says her husband messed around so you should feel sorry for her, but what about for you that your husband is so emotionally attached to her... whos going to look out for you now that your husband is being sort of douchy like her husband was.

Should you obtain a male friend to text you and comfort you about your emotionally neglectful husband... someone that you can tell you love them and 'mean the world to'... would he be okay with that? I'm guessing... nah, not so much. He is selfish to think he deserves a partner outside of you and that you don't deserve the same.

I would feel just as upset as you, friend or no friend he's put her on a pedestal and considers her feelings over yours... you are his wife, his love, it is you that should come first and all other friends second... not the other way around. Its fine if he has friends, does he tell his poker buddy bob that he 'means the world to him?" does he text him all day and call him hunny bunny? I'm guessing no... so that makes her MORE than just a friend, since he treats her differently than he would other friends.

If he wants to have an emotional crush on this chick, he should come out and say so... ask for a seperation and allow you to find another man to meet your emotional needs the way he is meeting hers. If he does not want that, then he should stop and see things from any other perspective besides his own, his own is clouded in selfishness and dellusion if he thinks its at all acceptable for a committed man to behave that way AND have a happy signficant other.

**sourpuss** · 10-28-2010 01:13 PM

What HD said!!!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-28-2010 02:18 PM

That's shameful of him. He knows what he's doing is wrong, but he's taking advantage of your niceness and your love for him by trying to convince you that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. He knows you have his child, he knows you don't want a divorce, and he knows your grasping for straws to keep the marriage together. His behavior with/towards this other woman is totally unacceptable. And now you have to sit and wonder if he's even still talking with her because he feels you're not even entitled to know. He sounds like quite the manipulator. And whether emotional or physical, he IS having an affair.

Shame on him.

Sorry you're going through this. It truly sounds like you could do much better for yourself without him.

**respectstepmoms** · 10-28-2010 02:39 PM

I agree with all the above he is totally wrong and showingno respect to the marriage in my opinion if there not already involved I think they will be. Dont close your eyes to this one. Check the cell phone records to see his text messages and it will show how many times she text and how many he does and the times even check phone calls and times. Good Luck I know there is not a worse feeling in the world

**whit4488** · 10-28-2010 02:47 PM

Unfaithful. Leave. The end

**tooconfused4words** · 10-28-2010 08:04 PM

You have the right to snoop if he has said those things to another woman...what is his "privacy" an attempt to hide? Something very wrong...that's why he doesn't want you to see. And that tells you that he knows he is doing wrong...otherwise, that wouldn't be that big an issue. Truly, you don't seem to trust him or the OW. I think that unfortunately your instincts are right on!
One last thing...they always play the "you're crazy" card when they know you are right...if they can get their spouse to buy it, they can continue the behavior unimpeded. Don't buy it! You are not crazy! The best that can be said about him is that he is inappropriate and disloyal to you and your marriage.