Need some advice please! Men & Women's opinions both welcomed!

**~ JADA ~** · 11-01-2010 11:37 AM

I am a woman that has been living with my man for 2 years now, our relationship is usually pretty good, well I guess I should say half & half...I have days where I am on top of the world & some days I've hit rock bottom, it's almost like Jeckell & Hyde! Sometimes our arguments are ridiculous over the most insignificant stuff! Nothing worth arguing over, and yet he seems to make an issue out of anything, and when I say how I feel about something, he says stuff like "well, I give up, I won't say anything to you anymore then" when all I am trying to point out something that might have been bothering me, or how I am feeling about something, wanting some support & understanding, but instead, he makes it an issue about himself of how he's trying to change, or how he's make sacrifices, etc...then at times, he's so loving and sweet, and exactly the man that I first fell in love with! Sometimes I feel that he is acting on such an immature level, like it's high school stuff! We are in our late 30's...but sometimes I feel like I am being scolded like a child for little, immature things! I would like to know if anyone else goes through these same kinds of issues, and how they handle them? Or how you've dealt with it? If you need to ask me more specific questions in order to help answer my questions, please feel free to ask! Thanks for your time!!!

**KMonte85** · 11-01-2010 12:14 PM

it would help me to have an example of one such scenario where he started an argument over something insignificant. The only reason is because something that is a minor issue to one person, can mean the world to another. I wouldn't want you two to fall into that trap of miscommunication - if an issue is a big deal to him, then it might just be a big deal.

HOWEVER, that does not in any way give him the right to tell you your feelings don't matter. Issues big and small should be deal with by communicating with each other, and him saying he's not going to talk to you is shutting down that communication. Not cool. He needs to find a better way to express his frustration when you two are trying to talk stuff out...

**sourpuss** · 11-01-2010 12:16 PM

Sounds like typical male behavior to me. Not to generalize, I know they're not all like that, but I surely have not been with one that wasn't like that. I wish I had some advice but I'm in the same boat.

**lizzardb63** · 11-01-2010 12:54 PM

Yeah, my boyfriend does that to me too. It's their way of turning it around on you so they don't feel the guilt or take the blame on something they may have done.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-01-2010 12:57 PM

I am a woman that has been living with my man for 2 years now, our relationship is usually pretty good, well I guess I should say half & half

My first thought to this (and I'm aware its all very common) what gets us gals to the point that we're okay with spending even half of our time unhappy with someone? Gosh....life is just too short. I always said this to my last bf (which eventually ended for much this reason), "You're either a positive addition to my life, or not an addition at all". And I meant that. In dealing with our own demons and day to day stuff, we have enough negativity. Our partner should be one that brings us good, not bad. And vice versa. I get the sense that you both are trying to change each other to suit what you truly want. Or to "get back" to where you were right in the beginning (WARNING: That is not likely to happen). Do we get so caught up with having someone in our life to call our "man" that we are willing to sacrifice our ultimate happiness?

You're partially blaming yourself and your mood swings. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde......are you on hormonal birth control? I know when I was, I went through this. Then when we would fight, I'd always second guess "Hmmm am I just moody? Did I overreact to that?". I went off the pill, and though my "mood swings" stopped, I found myself still agitated by some of his behaviour (the same things that agitated me before). Mood swings CAN be caused by this. But they can also be a result of just not truly being happy.

Is this, what you have with him, what you truly want?

**WildChild** · 11-01-2010 02:40 PM

Not entirely clear what may be going on here but I will point out that both women and men will settle in relationships where they are not treated with as much love, respect or valued. Communication is key and when we are with someone who shuts us out, belittles or simply cannot listen/talk, there isn't alot to be done.

**PandaPaws** · 11-01-2010 05:04 PM

We have issues like that too sometimes. The book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: In Love, has some really good chapters. There's I think 100 different chapters, only 2-4 pages long each, but I found reading one per evening was good for us. Some chapters hit home, some don't apply, but if you talk about the ones that do, it can open things up.
Stupid arguments and immature behavior can really make a relationship unhappy. BOTH people need to commit to actually trying to make it work, and rising above that stuff.

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