Thread: Lesbian porn?....

It might not be that he is intertested in the fantasy of having 2 women in bed, but that he is one of the guys that would faint if he saw a penis besides his own..If he were more excited about being with two women in bed his porn would be more 3 some based, i'd imagine.

I would be miffed if thats ALL that he watched too, sort of like fetishizing it.. but it sounds like he is giving you the attention you deserve and all of his sexual energy... a lot of women with porn watching husbands/boyfriends don't have sex at all because their guy is too tired from masturbating all the time so at least you're not dealing with that.

I hate to say at least ... "at least he's not an ax murderer".. at least this or that... if it hurts your feelings it deserves consideration on his part. But the things is people aren't going to stop doing something just because it hurts your feelings, not if they can rationilize to themselves why it shouldn't. If it was having a negetive impact on your sex life... either by making you feel distant toward him or by affecting his interest in intimacy with you... he might actually consider it being a problem. But if everything is good and well and you just don't like it... its probably going to continue.

You do have the right to ask him to be respectful about it, discrete about it if you don't want to have hot lesbian action in your face when you log on to computer, etc. He should be respectful, especially if he expects the same from you. He'd probably say its okay for you to watch what you want too, its just fantasy... blah blah blah... but if you start collecting penis pics for a desktop collage he'd lose his lunch, so he should extend the same courtesies he'd expect from you.

Dear Hopeless Dork,

Thank you for your comment! I know what you mean about "at least", actually that's one of the reasons I was a bit ashamed to place such a matter here knowing that things can be SO MUCH WORSE I understand I can't ask him to stop because even if he does stop just to make me feel better - it wouldn't be a solution. I just wanted to get to the root of the problem as such. Thanks a lot again!

Moa, my innocent comment one night that I get more turned on watching woman do a man/woman paved way into my hubby admitting his fantasy of a 3-some (2 women). It didn't shock me nor hurt me as it would have if i had not known of his previous bachelor preferences/self-relieving activities: masturbated to porn; prefers woman-woman porn, etc. - he actually had a toy - a molded vagina called flesh light. He threw it away before he proposed to me, btw.

I still don't understand men's inclination to porn and specifically to lesbian porn, and I also quite do not understand as to why I find myself (I'm not a lesbian) turned on watching women instead of men on porn. But when this thing came up before, I made it clear to him that THIS thing would remain a fantasy as I do not like the health implications of such activity, notwithstanding my moral boundaries.

What remains bugging me at the back of my mind though was that he told me he IS open to it (3-some) in case I want it. That being said, I do understand how you feel about this issue. We are married for 11 months now, and before that, even if he's told me about this fantasy, never did he say he'd like to try it - he even discouraged it.

I might not be answering your question, but just sharing my stuff as well. And I was repeatedly told that in most cases, it was the man's previous issues that could probably led him to this fantasy. It's not that we are not enough, nor are we not attractive - WE ARE! I'm just basing my comment on what I know and observed with my loving hubby. Prior to us meeting and dating, he has been rejected by women he wanted or tried to pursue. He never had a relationship longer than 2 months. He didn't do the one-night stands (as what he told me), but did it on porn. and he drastically changed or tried to stop it the best he could when he decided to get serious with me, as he knows it's a No-No for me.

Based on that, my man probably has some self-esteem issues caused by a unfinished business with his previous encounters with women, which causes him to feel wanted and confident with the 2-woman all on him experience.

Many people have fantasies that they know would never work well in reality. Others have fantasies that they would like to try, but are content to do without. Sometimes fantasies become fetishes and the person thinks they can't do without them. In the first 2 cases, I wouldn't worry.

Separate from the type of porn he is watching, if he is watching porn rather than being intimate with you,that is a different sort of problem.

One of my favorite shows is the BBC sitcom "Coupling." That is where I learned about the male fascinaton with lesbian porn. You can find a wonderful rant about it on YouTube.

But seriously, I don't think I would take his watchign "girl videos" to mean that he wants to be in bed with two women. Porn isn't real - it's fantasy - men know that. Honestly, I think a lot of guys enjoy lesbian porn simply because it has naked women in it, and heterosexual men are wired to enjoy looking at naked women.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to take his porn-watching habits too personally - they are not a reflection on you, or a reflection of any dissatisfaction on his part. It's just "private happy time," and we all have it. I may think about certain male celebrities during my own "private happy time," but that doesn't mean I'm disappointed that my boyfriend doesn't look like them or that I'm sexually unsatisfied by him - I know those guys aren't really "real." It's just part of my "me" time.

Communication, or lack of same seems to be a bit of a problem here. It sounds like you "talk" but when you try to communicate about the "girl movies" he blows up and scares you off (a well known defense tactic).

Girl on girl porn...Many of us have heard throughout our lives that nobody knows how to make better love to a woman than another woman. So perhaps he's trying to learn something? trying to "improve" on areas where he feels he lets you down, or maybe seeing two girls intimate with one another is something he enjoys. I highly doubt that he wants a threesome. He may fantasize about you with another woman but not a threesome.

If he is a "premature ejaculator", there are lots of things he/you can do about it. Anti depressants, in very low doses, are frequently prescribed as a means of delaying ejaculation. You/he can also practice bringing him close to ejaculating and either sqeeze or leave his shaft until the feeling subsides.

A Google search will offer you lots of links to lots of information regarding this issue.

I really wouldn't worry about the porn if it isn't interfering with your relationship. Guys are very visual and 2 women turn all the straight ones on. If they say it doesn't I think they are lying! lol
As far as the bedroom issues, do you use toys ever? Toys in the bedroom r visually pleasing for the guy and can extend foreplay and your satisfaction. Just make sure he knows that he feels better inside of you than any dildo. The last thing he needs is to feel any less secure in the bedroom.

Originally Posted by corinne

The last thing he needs is to feel any less secure in the bedroom.

No, we musn't make men insecure about anything. He can watch his lesbian porn and make her feel insecure, but no, no we musn't make the men feel insecure.