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Reply With QuoteI have only one word for you:
COMMUNICATE
Caught husband masturbating.
I believe masturbation is a healthy activity. But it's like dining alone. It's better when there's 2 people. My husband and I are both not the aggressor when it comes to sex. He believes I should always initiate it since in public I'm more aggressive. I've told him countless of times I have problems being dominant in that one area. Needless to say, anytime we do have sex, I always initiate it.
This of course leads to periods of dry spells. We hadn't had sex in about a month. Last night he had some friends over. He had a few beers, and had vanished into the house, so I checked up on him making sure he was okay. I find him in our bedroom watching porn and masturbating.
I admit, I lost it, I was so upset. He left me to entertain his guy friends while he took care of himself, and he never even attempted to try to have sex for me. His idea of a hint is grabbing my breast jokingly.
I'm just frustrated.
I have only one word for you:
COMMUNICATE
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I underscore what WC said.
You "caught" your husband? What made you lose it? The masturbation? Jealousy over him pleasing himself and not you? Entertaining his friends?
Sounds like a lack of communication to me.
Better he pleases himself than to go to someone else or internet for it. Most women on here are in distress because their husbands are lusting over other women or have an addiction to porn. Just express to him (calmly) that you felt a little "left out".
~Today, any person can fight the battles of one day It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity's- yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad. It is the remorse of bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us therefore, live but one day at a time.~
I think I would be more thrown by the fact that he chose to do it while he had friends over. This is really hard for me to visualize. I definitely agree with the others that communication is your best bet. I would love to understand why he viewed this as the perfect time for release. Maybe starting a conversation in which you voice your frustrations over that situation...stating how you were left to entertain his friends while he took care of himself, and then adding that you would have rather participated in the bedroom fun...
Him doing it while friends are over is a bit wierd. But otherwise, don't sweat it. Maybe you guys should take turns being the aggressor? Or really, when it comes down to it.....who cares who makes the first move......you guys just enjoy eachother. Making love shouldn't be so detailed or complicated.
"Natural Hippy Mama"
I agree, it was very odd he found the timing perfect to do something like that when he abstains from sex.Originally Posted by SSDS
Maybe he visualized you having sex with his friends and he got horny?
You need to have a talk with him, this isn't right. You're supposed to satisfy each other's needs, not your own.
Sorry, but I see this behaviour as a "marker" for a troubled relationship. The boys might have been talking dirty and making jokes, but the fact he doesn't initiate sex is, on its own, quite serious for A MAN. Counselling immediately.
The main thing is to communicate with your husband and tell him how you feel, if you dont this will just go on and on ....
The best things in life are free ....
I hope you get back with us when you can....
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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