Thread: 12 yr marriage may be over - depressed hubby cheated and addicted to porn and WOW

You have PLENTY of time for a future. Plenty of time to get back out there and have some single time, meet the man of your dreams, conceive, adopt, whatever. You married young...and you still have plenty of time.

You should never have to fight for someone to stay with you. You should never have to be the one saying "Choose me. Pick me. Love me" (Yes...Greys Anatomy reference. ) And especially not when you've been the one married to him for 12 years.

Depressed or not, he lives in a fantasy world. WOW is fantasy world, porn is fantasy world, online affair with someone he met while playing in his fantasy world. But he's making choices, as an adult. He's telling you things (like about your sister for goodness sakes) that will scar your image of him, and it will be hard for you to ever regain trust.

You can't be the one that holds the marriage together. It takes two. And I think you deserve much much more than what you're getting.

I think I'm started to feel some anger. I know I wasn't perfect, I've made mistakes. But I've tried to be a good wife. Supporting us financially when he lost jobs, once working 80 hours a week for about 6 months. Making sure he went to appts and was diagnosed with some severe health problems. Taking time off work to drive him 45 minutes each way for his treatment and sitting in the waiting room for hours worried. I know I should've addressed the problems in our marriage sooner. But you know what? I didn't know it was that serious and I was tired. Tired from losing my job and supporting a disabled husband and working 7 days a week every week 70-80 hours a week. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. And I would come home and the sink would be full of dishes and the laundry would be piled up because he had a bad back day and didn't do anything but sit on the computer - most likely having cyber sex.

At this point, we are sleeping separately and being cordial. He even seemed to be "extra nice" tonight and was trying to hug me yesterday. He would hug me, then say he didn't know, then say he loved her.....what am I supposed to think?

It sounds like your husband is living in a dream world. What does he have to offer the young hussy? Is she willing to support him financially, emotionally, physically? I doubt it. It is real easy for people to play games on the internet or on the phone but quite a different think to live with someone day in and day out. My husband has had some serious medical problems over the years but I never had to support him until last year. It really bugs me sometimes to think about working my tail off at the same job for 19 years and coming home to a dirty house when he was out of work. My husbands lack of employment is what lead him to move out of state and his text affairs (and one night stand) took place at that time. What a reward for being a supportive wife! I think that men suffer tremendously when they are out of work and it is worse when a physical illness or disability is also involved. This does not give any of them an excuse to treat their wife like [edit profanity]. I hope that things work out for you.

Gosh....so much has happened and I need support and advice more than ever. A day or two after my last post, he came to me and admitted he was texting her again. He said he had feelings for her and didn't think it was right to talk to her while living with me so he was moving in with his parents to "take some time". I wrote him a long letter telling him he needed to take time to get his head straight before deciding anything about our marriage and that she was a temptation she fed into his addiction. He wrote me back saying he talked it all over with a work friend who said pretty much the same thing and that he was limiting the contact with "her" greatly and would be working on himself but would still be seeing me. He came over a few times, we were physical, we had fun...but I could tell something was different. after a few weeks I got tired of pretending this was all normal or ok and flat out asked. He admitted the whole thing from the time he moved out was pretty much an act, that he wanted to be with her...that I was his best friend but thats all. He doesn't care about fixing our marriage at all and thought playing along would be the easiest way to get out.
So for the past 3 weeks I've been trying to work it out, being supportive..and the whole time he's faking it. Although he did still have sex with me, so hey not a total loss (sarcasm)....Im so upset and mad and sad right now.....just when I think he can't mess me over any more, he proves me wrong!!!

Now what?