Thread: Need Advise!

I appreciate all the comments. This is the first time I have ever written in a forum. I came to a women's forum to get a idea on what is healthy/normal when it comes to porn and relationships.

As Chandlers Wish noted, yes there is more to this story. Sex has never been a high priority for my husband. I take that back, when we where in our twenties it was hot. He has always preferred oral sex. Other things that seem to me as red flags are: not wanting to kiss me, wanting to do it in the back, and constantly mentioning anal sex. So hmmmmmmm, maybe I'm not his type. So I asked him gently if he was gay and he went off the wall. He seems to be on the homophobic side as far as I see.

But the hardest part of this all is getting the truth out of him. He is not willing to communicate on an intimate level. He has also accused me as a sex addict. And yes - I have cheated in the past, because I was not getting sex and was the last on his list.

Watching Sports, coaching sports, remodeling the house and kids were first. I used to blame myself, i.e., not pretty enough, not thin enough, ect ect ect - I think you get the picture. But the truth is that I am attractive and work out regularly and consider myself in good shape.

I am totally rambling here......I'm going to be 50 this year and I am saying to myself WTF! I just don't know what is normal in a relationship or not. But I will take the advise of the kind folks who have recommended that I surf through this form on this subject. Thanks to all!

Madlydancing

Watching porn rather than having sex with your SO isn't healthy.

All varieties of sex (within reason) are fine and healthy - but not all people enjoy the same things. Wanting anal sex isn't gay,and isn't unusual - but it also isn't something that all people enjoy.

Talking is very difficult, but I think you need to try to sit down and figure out what each of you wants out of your sex life. Maybe you will find that you want completely different things, but you might find that your interests aren't that far apart.

Is watching porn everyday, normal? NO, it's not. Especially if he hasn't done it for the thirty years you've known him.

How is your communication with your husband? Seems to me that would be the place to start. Turn off the computer, leave the TV off and have a conversation.

Does he have any idea how much his porn watching bothers you? He may not have a clue or is so hooked on the porn that he doesn't care.

So talk with, not to, him.

Like any "buzz" (the word addiction is so over used), porn can be a tough one to break and will take time to do so.

Hi Seeker_Advice
Thanks for your reply. In my heart I know that what my husband is doing is not "normal" at least to me. The nagging issue is what I can accept and what is not acceptable in a relationship. I totally agree whith you about having a conversation. Unfortunely we are unable to talk about intimate issues. I have had emtional affairs with men, because I was not getting that emtional piece in my marriage.

I wonder if there is such a thing called partners for life. We all change as we get older. For me, I yearn for the emotional and sexual intimacy two people in love should have. It must exist, that is why there are beautiful love songs, poetry, movies and books that tell the stories of this gift called love. I would greatly appreciate thoughts on this subject