Long distance times and a few general relationship niggles with my fiance.

**ashy09** · 11-18-2010 07:15 PM

Hi again guys.

I'm just wanting some advice again with my wonderful relationship with my fiance. As at times it can be 'hard' work.

We've been engaged for a year now and we have pulled through a year of long distance patches. I am currently at uni thats a 9 hour train/car journey away. So i only see him at xmas, easter and summer holidays. Then for a few days inbetween term times. Theres about 10 weeks for each term. So it can been seen as alot or not alot. Depending which way you look at it. Ok its not a couple of months where i dont see him, but its still a lengthly time, when you miss him each day.

This last week, I've found it hard almost every day. Just missing him, wanting to hug him, sleep with him and have great laugh. Its been getting me down as i feel lonely sometimes and fed up of doing things on my own such as shopping.

but anyways. I just find it a pain, when i ring him up and want to hear about his day, but he just doesnt have anything to say. Where as I will have quite a few interesting things. (Its just one of those things i guess, but it annoys me! haha) and then i'll speak to him a couple of days later and he'll go all out and tell me what happend the other day (which apparently was nothing when i rang him then).

Another thing that can annoy me is suggesting things to do. I am a very easy going person really and im happy to do anything. I value the time we have together and want to make every moment fun, interesting or special in some way! Like go for a cheap picnic somewhere taking sandwhiches in a nice place. Go for a walk, go cycling, swimming, a drive a pub we dont usually go to. You can imagine. But there are lots of times where i'll suggest everything and anything under the sun and he just wont feel motivated to do anything. and it gets annoying. ASPECIALLY if we go shopping. He just wants to go in and out and thats it where as I can be looking around a little more and i'll ask his opinion on things like what clothes does he think are nice? or what would he like to see me in. Usually i'll get a pretty bland answer. Like no matter what i decided to buy he'd still have the same feelings for me.

That goes with sexy underwear as well. I'l buy or ask him what pieces do it for him and the popular answer is that it would look better on the bedroom floor. haha but im like come on really! doesnt it excite you? he doesnt like suspenders either! which i thought was an absolute shock! cos i personally think they are very hot! but he says that they just remind him hookers and that he doesnt think their sexy. I just DONT GET it ! to tell the truth. Ok not every one is going to like them. but I love the joy of dressing sexy for him.

Just sometimes this lovely boy of mine can be a bit bland! and it leaves me clueless with how i should react in return.

I dont really have any girlfriends to talk to about this kinda of stuff so im sorry if it seems abit daft.
But gosh! relationships are something you have to work at!

I would love some or any advice on what you ladies and gentlemen have to say! As I am really happy being in this one relationship, but at times it can just be hard not so easy to understand! What little problems do yous frequently get with your relationship and how do you deal with it?

Thanks for reading as i can ramble. x

**Elle81** · 11-19-2010 11:09 PM

Commiserations! I feel exactly the same way with my fiance sometimes too. Especially recently. Although we live together as opposed to apart, i often have the same issues, eg. lack of contribution to conversation, too little a response when i ask what he would like to do (in bed & out haha). He's a quiet person anyway which i knew getting into the relationship but recently i've been feeling the quiet alot more than usual.

I know this response is not the advice you're after but does it help to know that you are not alone in your predicament?? As to what can be done about it, i think we just need to speak up about our concerns. Be honest and open with him that his not being 'present' in some areas of the relationship is disappointing you and you would like some input.

Whatever you decide to do, let me know what the result is. I'm interested. Good luck! x

**ashy09** · 11-21-2010 10:54 AM

oh it is really good to hear someone in the same boat as me! So thanks for your reply!

Yeah, like when im back at home we live together, my bedroom is now our bedroom haha.
but yeah, one thing thats good about the long distance being apart for some time is when we meet up the love all sparks up again like when we first met! its soo lovely! But then when we've been around each other for some time the relationship just gets relaxed again. So things dont seem as fresh to do!

But yeah i'll talk to him about it and we'll see what we can do!