Thread: Selfish Insensitive Husband

Need some advice, encouragement and maybe a kick in the butt. I've been searching for a site to purge my unhappiness at my marriage and I feel this is the one for me. Apologies in advance for the rambling on, poor writing skills and outright bitterness you may read in the next few paragraphs.

To summarize...Met my husdand at 20, been together for almost 18 yrs, married for 8yrs, and have 2 wonderful girls.

Throughout our relationship there have always been problems, but for whatever reason I stayed. These problems always seem to rear their ugly head in some form but deep down they're all related to his selfish and insensitve nature

As I write this he's being his usual selfish self. He is a NO SHOW after work it's after 12am now and the alarm goes off at 5:15am. It's minus 20 degrees outside, with a bad windchill and the roads are treacherous.(I hate winter btw) and he's another no show. He hasn't called, wont answer my calls or reply to my texts. This also happened 2 weeks ago exactly. I will surely have another sleepless, anxiety ridden night (I take Ativan due to anxiety attacks caused by his behaviour in the past and now they can come quite frequently again mostly spurred on by his actions). I'm just sick with worry, is he in a ditch?, been in an accident? will he freeze to death tonight? Then when he finally shows up, sometimes I'm more releaved that he's ok than mad that he put me through . And I just cant do this anymore!!!

After the last episode 2 weeks ago, I got up after maybe dozing off for a few hours in total, realized he still wasn't home and made like all was normal for the children, I went off to work to try and carry on like normal, but was forced to call his friend and embarassingly enquire to his where abouts. Unfortunately he didn't know either. I was worried about him not showing up to work and getting in trouble. However, I did check his voice mail and he had obviously called in as there was a message from his boss. Couldn't call me but called work, I guess part of me was releaved that he had done so but I was also very upset that he made me anquish all day. So eventually I get home and he was sleeping and I calmly but assertively asked him "what happened" and he lost it and became so angry and almost overly defensive that he started swearing at and shoving me around because I was by them not backing down and I was standing up to his agressive bully tactic. It was ugly, however, things eventually settled down and he slept on the couch that night.

A couple days later I wanted to chat about things and told him that I am thinking of leaving him as I'm so unhappy. He was quiet and I'm not too sure how he took things. But what happens with us is that everything blows over and within a week everything is brushed under the rug and we act like everything is fine.

Well things were "fine" until he decided not to come home. We've even been going to a marriage counsellor and things seem to look up and promising when there but then when we leave and after a few days everything he said he would do to become more involved in the girls lives, and become more supportive husband and dad is out the window and he's back to what is his true self, selfish and insensitive.

This type of behaviour has been rampant throughout our relationship and I'm embarrassed and ashamed I've not left him. I dont want to grow old with him, we have nothing in common, he's very lazy and does nothing around the house, I do EVERYTHING!!! I am mum and dad to our 2 girls, and I do everything around the house (he maybe takes the garbage out once every 6 month - no exageration).

We came from very different back grounds, I had a great childhood, and he came from a broken troubled home and I feel that I am now paying for the lack of mothering his mother didn't do 35 years ago.

Anyway, I need the strength, courage and self confidence and about an extra $2000 per month to leave.

Got any ideas???

p.s. thanks for listening (reading)