Not sure how to handle discussion with husband

**sallyskellington** · 11-23-2010 06:55 PM

Ok I belong to a female roller derby team, and I ave been out this season do to cervical spine injury that occurred at work. So of course next season I would like to skate with the team. The problem will be my husband will not be so thrilled about this due to my spinal problems.... this was my second surgery in two years on the same exact area of the spine(C5-7) Roller derby for those who are not aware is a HIGHLY contact sport but I love it. I am willing to referee in stead of skating on the team (referee is 98% the time no contact so where I will most likely not be smashed into there is still tat small chance) So how to I have this discussion with him?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-23-2010 07:05 PM

Plan a time to talk when tensions are low, when you're calm and collected, when he's calm and collected. Be very honest with him that this is something very important to you. But let him know that you are more than willing to compromise to lessen the risk of anything bad happening to you as a result. Be willing to listen to him without getting angry and remember, his concerns are because he loves you and does not want you to be hurt.

What does your doctor say about you getting back into roller derby?

**sallyskellington** · 11-23-2010 07:12 PM

Oh I completely understand why he would have any objections just I love it so much and there are non skating postions but idk just not what I want to do.. and I'm going to wait until I am out of the neckbrace to bring it up
Yeah haven't asked the doctor I will wait until I'm completely fused to do so.

**WildChild** · 11-23-2010 07:17 PM

Waiting until you are a lot more healed is probably the best thing to do.

**sallyskellington** · 11-23-2010 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Waiting until you are a lot more healed is probably the best thing to do.

haha I could just see it now *me in neck brace hun can I bash into people while on skates* him* did they remove your brain in surgery...* lol

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-23-2010 07:41 PM

lol's that would be a sight to see.

It's kind of nice don't you think that he worries about you?

Definately wait for it all to heal and have a cat scan and see if it has healed well, but IDK, it's like, we all get old Sally and have to stop some things in life or alter how we participate, or we could really seriously injure ourselves...

Are there other avenues as well? Teaching it?

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-23-2010 09:32 PM

Having had "nine on the spine" (I damaged cervical, thoracic and lumbar) as a result of two car accidents five days apart, I definitely look at my enjoyment of anything with contact differently. I think you need to do the same. Obviously, your physician is going to play a huge role here....it's if you listen to their advice that makes the difference.

Based on what you have said, you love it. I loved contact sports too, even at my age, but then I would remember the risk and think "checkers anyone?"

**stressed** · 11-23-2010 10:09 PM

I don't think it's worth the risk to be honest... You can find so many other ways to enjoy what you love and just look at it from a different perspective. It would be kind of unthoughtful towards your husband as well...

**rcoreyus** · 11-23-2010 11:05 PM

This is in general a tough problem - when you enjoy doing something that your SO thinks is too risky. If your SO's fears are irrational, then discussion can work, but if what you want to do really does have risk (like rock climbing, scuba diving, or....roller derby), then it is a difficult question. Your SO wants you to be safe - there is nothing worse than seeing the person you love badly injured. They also want you to enjoy life and do the things that are really important to you).

I think the best you can do is discuss it rationally. How big are the risks really (and be honest with yourself - what is the chance of being injured again, and how badly?). Are you risking just minor injuries, or might you cause permanent damage? How much does this really mean to you - is there something less dangerous that you would enjoy almost as much?

Finally - if you decide to take a risk that your SO isn't comfortable with, I think that if you are badly permanently badly injured, you need to try to keep them from paying the price. If you were paralysed (a risk you might be willing to take, but he isn't), it would not be fair for him to need to care for you for the rest of his life.

**pretzel** · 11-24-2010 06:53 AM

I don't know if this adds to the conversation or not, but here's a little story about my daughter who was in a somewhat similar situation and what her mother and I decided.

From the time she was in fifth grade through her graduation from high school she was a cheerleader for the schools she went to. Now understand that cheerleading is not the same as it was when I was a kid. These young ladies are as strong and agile as any athelete around. I've actually seen her lift someone over her head. Not bad for someone who is just a hair shy of 5' and only weighs 110 lbs. The amount of training as well as the degree of gymnastics involved is actually pretty amazing. Now to the story,

When she getting ready for her senior year her doctor recommended a full body scan because she was having pain in her shoulders and legs. The scan showed that in addition to having an extra bone in one hand and a bone that was deformed in her ankle, the scan showed that her C1 and C2 were actually fused together. There is a great risk involved with this as one blow to that area could potentially paralyze her for life. Needless to say this was a bit disconcerting.

The question we had to face was "do we let her continue doing something she absolutely loves and has been doing since she was 8 or do we stop her?"

Whether or not we were right, the three of us (me, her and her mom) decided that she would continue with certain limitations. We decided that any thoughts of "flying" are out of the question. For clarity, flyers are the girls who you see being thrown in the air to be caught by the girls on the floor. We also told decided that her tumbling routines would also be limited to just cartwheels and back springs which are pretty easy to do.

We came to a compromise where she didn't have to give up doing what she loved to do, but at the same time warned her (as well as the coaches) of the risks and dangers. It worked out pretty well for her.