What should i do

**young woman** · 11-24-2010 01:55 PM

so me and my husband have been together for 4 years and have 2 kids together but we've only been married goin on a year an recently he said that he wanted to take a break he has been going out partying and doin all of this stuff... so a few weeks later he tells me that he thinks he is better off with someone else! and now he has a girlfriend BUT he lives with me still and we sleep in the same bed and still have sex together and im sure he is having sex with his new girlfriend he tells me all the time that he loves me and that he doesnt want to lose me and im not sure what to do please help

**LanaBear** · 11-24-2010 03:34 PM

Well... Until he can decide to be monogamous, don't have sex with him and don't even sleep in the same bed with him (I'm sure you have a couch that he could make good use out of). He's completely contradicting himself, he feels he's better off with someone else, but yet loves you and doesn't want to lose you. You are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too. You are his 'safety net' apparently. If things don't work out with the new gal, well, he's kept you along to fall back on.

Don't allow yourself to be used, it isn't fair to you. Give yourself to someone who will be there for you AND with you. Marriage is a partnership, you have no partner, just someone who wants you in bed when it is convenient for him.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-24-2010 03:40 PM

Sometimes, you can be together for years and once married, one party feels different, and reverts or tries to revert back to singlehood.

He's told you he has a girlfriend, therefore, he's sleeping with her.

He however, is expecting you to just lay there and take that, allow him to sleep in your bed, use your electricity, eat your food, very convenient.

The L word is used flipently ...

Love means, commitment and he's not commiting..

Tell him fine, if he's un-happy and to move out, your not a door mat..

The grass isn't greener she more than likely still lives with her parents as to why he hasn't already done this...

CW

**JadedQueen** · 01-01-2011 02:55 AM

Well... unless you can learn to live with sharing your husband with other women you need to put your foot down and tell him that he doesn't get to have it both ways. If you aren't willing to share your husband with other women you need to set boundries...
Why are you still sleeping in the same bed with him? Having sex with him? He is going to continue to have his cake and eat it too.... a girlfriend on the side and a wife at home what man wouldn't be happy with that situation? If you are not okay with the situaion you need to kick him to the curb and count how many times he bounces. Aside from the emotional distress he is causing you... (he will continue to play tug of war with your emotions as long as you allow him to do so) You need to factor in that he is having sex with other women and he may one day (if he hasn't already) bring you a present in the form of a sexually transmitted disease. Please don't allow him to contiune to treat you this way. The longer you allow it to continue the more pain and heartache you will have to endure. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone that is commited to being in a relationship with you and ONLY you.

**the wench** · 01-01-2011 09:34 AM

if you let him have his cake and eat it then he will always treat you this way.......do you not think you deserve better?

**Colorado** · 01-02-2011 01:03 AM

This is NOT ok... and I can tell you from a guys point of view that I think Lana hit it on the head "SAFETY NET".

I find myself asking the same question others have here - Why have you put up with this so long already? He should have (in my opinion) been out on his ear the night he told you this, never mind still sleeping in the same bed and having sex.
Good Lord, He is walking all over you - please don't let that continue, because it will get worse if you do.

No-one should have to put up with this type of thing. Gather your self confidence and let him know he needs to hit the bricks.

**KMonte85** · 01-03-2011 08:32 AM

If your husband truly meant that he loved you and didn't want to lose you, then he wouldn't be going out partying all the time, meeting women, or carrying on a relationship with any other woman.

If your husband is sleeping with this woman (and come on, you know he is), he is very likely putting your health in danger. Some STI's and STD's are incurable, wreak havoc on the body, and can drastically reduce one's lifespan. Don't forget - you're a mom too... and I'm sure you want to stick around for them. Your husband is being selfish, and he's putting his selfish needs above those of his family.

So what do you do? It's time for you to play hardball - kick him out and change the locks, he can find his own place to live. Divorce him, or if you want to keep working on it, DEMAND that he start acting like a husband should by not "partying" and dating or sleeping with other women, that you attend counselling together, and also individually. And both of you need to go to the doctor and start getting tested - his infidelity has put you both at risk.

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