Thread: help! my porn addict ..... i love him but help!!

My guy was looking at porn ALL teh time...there are many ways to hide it....not trying to make you paranoid...but if you feel he's improved, why do you still search silly girl You still doubt it don't you? Try asking him once in awhile how he's doing with the porn thing...and what he does to supress the urges..

and seriously i have read like a million porn addict things on here and now im not feeling so bad. hes slowly improving. its down to once in awhile hiding it. but i guess i just want it to cease and desist. he's seriously like the most amazing guy in the world. ive been head over heels in love with him for 7 years and hes awesome. he comes from a really closed in family like they never really talk never say i love you ect. so for him to talk to me let alone a counselor about it is completely out of the question. he REFUSES to talk to me about it. i honestly think he's embarrassed and ashamed to admit he has a problem. i come from a very open family, we talk about everything walk around naked after we get outta the shower, never lie about anything and thats what im USED TO. so its been a big teeth pull for me to get him to open up to me about things but its a very slow work in progress and we're gettin there it just takes time i guess. i was just so disappointed and upset last night and i was on my last end and was looking for ANYONE to talk to that didnt know him and could judge him. and now that i know im not the only woman out there struggling with guy who has a porn issue i feel so much better.

i guess i keep looking because i still cant trust him... he hasnt gotten that trust back. you can only be betrayed for so long until your just like nope sorry haha. but the likelyhood of me being able to sit him down and talk to him about it is out of the question because he will seriously freak out. like i said he REFUSES to talk to me about it cuz of the way he was raised they just dont talk about things. he has a problem plain and simple but i cant relax with the thought that if i fall asleep hes gonna be wackin his pud to some gross girl on the internet.

He needs to realize that EVERY family is different and that he may have qualities or grew up a certain way that you didnt, doesnt mean that he can shut you out like that....
My bf came from a home that they never had any communication, he had a GREAT home...and me on the other hand, was the total opposite...
He cant use that as an excuse hun....He needs to be understanding to your needs...and he needs to let go of how he grew up not talking about stuff...communication is key...and Ive learnt that the HARD way....my relationship has suffered for almostt 8 years because of it and we are only realizing it now after all teh lies and betrayal etc....
Don't try and justify why you cant talk to him....I do it too, we all do...but you cant accept that...and he can't expect you to accept that because once again, its pretty selfish..
You learn new things and adapt...sorry i forget if you have kids or not ( but if in the future you have kids, you're gonna have to come to an agreement on what to teach your children about communication ) you can't butt heads for teh rest of your life because he feels he never talked about stuff like that before so he doesnt want to or need to now...

GOOD POINT! i guess im just gonna have to sit him down non confrontationally and be like you need to effin talk to me about this. you are the only thing in my life and that means u get the joy of being open and honest with me =]. haha. its weird he will randomly open up sometimes when hes ready to talk so i guess im used to just lettin him have his way and you are extremely right is he VERY selfish in the communication aspect. but thats the great part about living together i guess is they cant run away when they're on the spot. no we dont have kids, we've been taking no precautions against it for over 3 years so i dont think we can. which kinda sucks but we would love to have kids someday, for now its just the dog and cat, my animal children lol. and you are right he cant justify not talking to me because his family is closed off from eachother. like i said we've been together 7 years on and off you would think he'd pull his head out and realize that he can open up to me. but ive tried talkin to him before and he gives me one word answers and i feel like it doesnt go anywhere. i ask him questions and he'll answer yes or no and then tell me to drop it cuz hes uncomfortable with the conversation. well yea! i would be embarrassed too! it just blows my mind how men can just go look at a million porn videos and be like its totally cool and then their gf's find out n theyre like uhhhhhh..... why were u snooping! ....... really??? ha. it just makes me so mad at how selfish men are. ALL men. its just in their nature i guess.

I don't get the part where you say you 'caught' him watching the video you guys made together and so now he wont watch that... wasn't the point of making the video so that he could watch it? Why would you use the term 'caught'? And why would it be bad for him to watch a video you made with him?

You say he's super awesome, you say you have sex nightly... so I don't really get where the problem comes in. You want porn to dissapear of the face of the earth? It won't. Magazines, smart phones, gaming consoles (xbox etc), late night cable... and the internet... is not going to stop making porn available to your guy. If he wants to watch it, he will do so.. even if he promises you he wont... if its what he wants to see.... he will be able to justify to himself why it should bother you.

Thats like him getting mad at you for eating cheescake, when you really like cheesecake... if it isn't making you gain weight, and you aren't suffering any ill consequences from eating it... just the fact that he doesn't like you to eat it won't make you want to stop it, and in fact you'd resent him trying to tell you what you should eat... when you aren't forcing him to eat it.

I guess what I am saying to you is he is having sex with you NIGHTLY. You made it clear you don't want anything negative said about this man so he obviously makes you feel awesome and special... you have a right to not like porn, you are entitled to get hurt feelings when he looks at it... but you are going to be hard-pressed to find a way to 'get that poison' out of your life unless you move to the mountains and don't have electricity or mail delivery.

If he was watching it and not able to peform with you because he had wacked off all his sexual energy... then you might be able to get him to understand why its a problem, if he was ramming it down your throat and you had to see porn every time you logged into the computer and it made you feel bad then you might be able to get him to understand why that is disrespectful. But as it sounds you have to GO OUT of your way to find it, he's not blatantly watching it in front of you, and he's still more sexual with you than the average man... so it doesn't sound like its controlling him.

If you make it some taboo... men can be like little kids when it comes to porn... tell them you don't want them to and they are going to stomp their feet and say but but but i want to see the boobies!! You are just makign it all the much more hotter for them when its some stolen treat. Thats not to say you have to encourage him to watch, or let him be disrespectful about it... but unless its affecting your sex life, he's not going to see a problem with it other than the fact that YOU don't like him to like it... and generally that is not enough to make someone not want to do something.

well like i said in a previous post it DID affect our sex life. we hadnt had sex in over a month and it was getting ridiculous. if i would even try to have sex with him he would get mad at me and roll over and it really hurt. then i found out that we weren't having sex BECAUSE of it. but ive read some other posts on this subject and i think it had a lot to do with him being laid off and being depressed. he knows how much i hate it because it USED to be so bad and since he got his new job he works a week on week off so when he's home i think it should be me and only me and i really do hate it. and thats why i want him to quit all together. ive told him if he wants me to stick around it has to disappear out of our lives and it DID for awhile until the other night. you may not see it as a problem but it was. i lost almost 40 pounds due to stress because of this and i am slowly recovering from it but i felt awful. so when i find out that it was just once i go back into that state i was in. I am trying to just relax and tell myself like you said that its not a big deal but to me it is.