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Reply With QuoteDoes his watching porn affect your sex life, or directly affect other parts of your relationship? Is he watching porn rather than spending time with you, or watching it when you are doing other things?
help! my porn addict ..... i love him but help!!
my fiance and i have been together off and on since i was 13. This go around is 3 years all together 7, so we know eachother really well. He is wonderful, dont get me wrong, but about 2 years ago we hit a bump. He works on the road and we travel a lot and one morning he was getting ready for work and i got up as he was walking out of the bathroom with the laptop. I was like what are you doing?!? He said he was checking the weather... no. I went thru the computer that day and found over 200 porn movies he had downloaded. I was just so taken aback. I felt horrid. So i asked him about it and deleted them ALL and he didn't want to talk about it and got really angry with me for bringing it up. Which was fine, you can't expect him to open up the first time on the spot, so I figured i would just give him some time and try again. Well, then he started texting this girl ALL THE TIME. So i stayed up all night doing some house work and his phone was sitting there so I decided to look thru it (he was very touchy about me going thru his phone he would get really upset) and so i found a bunch of naked pictures of this girl. So i woke him up and made him PROMISE i was his one and only and he did and then i hit him with it. So i left him. Then he comes all the way up to Montana where my mom lives to get me back. Hes crying and apologizing so i forgive him and try to work things out. He quit talking to that girl because i said i would leave again. And everything just got better, we had never been so close and then i was looking under the couch for a tennis ball to play fetch with the dog and found a porn magazine. I was so upset my heart started racing and i confronted him and he just got mad and said im over reacting. Well we've had the porn fight lots of times and i have blocked the images from the ones i know about but the other night i fell asleep before him and so last night i looked and magically the images were unblocked from one of the sites so i know he was on it. i dont wanna say anything because im tired of fighting. he needs help plain and simple. but he's stubborn. i dont want anyone to say "leave him" or "what a pos" because he isnt. other than that he is a wonderful sweet genuine kind and funny person and we are SOO happy. our sex life is AMAZING. we do it nightly, i even suggested we make videos and we did but he doesnt watch them. he did once but i caught him and he wont watch them now only the "sites" . i personally think its sick and i feel like hes cheating on me when he does it. I am so repulsed by these things i literally want to vomit and it makes me feel so horrible i wont even be naked around him until the feeling goes away. i love him and he loves me i just need to know how to get this poison out of our lives
Does his watching porn affect your sex life, or directly affect other parts of your relationship? Is he watching porn rather than spending time with you, or watching it when you are doing other things?
seriously it bounces around. he used to be horrible about it. but then again he wasnt very happy either. we've been thru a lot the past year and we're closer than we have ever been. he does it when im not around [of course ha] but seriously besides him sneaking this, our relationship is amazing. i have a big no tolerance for it because i feel like its cheating. an actual man told me one time that he hates it because he loves god and god gave ppl two gifts when he put them on this earth. life and a body to live it in and anyone who would sell their body is selling a gift from god and that makes one messed up individual. and i whole heartedly agree. its makes me sick to my stomach and i absolutely hate it. i never had a problem with it and then he started abusing it and then i had just got to my boiling point and had enough. but at one point we hadnt had sex in like a month n i found a porn mag under our couch n freaked out. but after i complained to him about it because he refuses to talk about it we started having sex again. and he's gotten better he was really depressed at that time bcuz he was laid off and stuff and drinking a lot, but things got better and then i fell asleep early one night last week and he woke me up at a really weird hour to go get in bed with him and when he left for work i found out he unblocked one of the sites i had blocked. so thats the only way i know he was looking at it. my main thing is i would just love for someone whose gotten over this with their spouse to tell me how they went about it and give me something that i can get into and work on with him. i have no proof im just going on that but he's not showing the signs like he did before i just know that he was an addict at one time so its hard for me to trust him with it.
and to be honest i feel guilty asking ppl for advice on the internet because even tho no one knows me or knows my man i feel horrible for letting anyone know these things but i am seriously desperate. i have tried EVERYTHING and this is my last resort.
I somewhat understand your situation....! And yes you're right, everyone situation is different. Its hard to really understand everything from a simple blog because we don't know all teh details...
Ive been with my fiance ( or should I say ex-fiance ) for 7.5 years. And Ive gone through the SAME thing. From the beginning, he looked at porn sites..and I told him that I didn't like it because it was kind of degrading. Made me feel like I wasn't good enough or he was lacking something from me or just not happy. He told me that he'd stop...well obviously he didn't. The next time I'd go over to his parents house and I'd be on the computer...Id see a load of downloads...I was pretty pissed....
Eventually we moved in together and it got to the point that I'd sometimes find links after searching through cookies on teh computer....and we'd have the talk again...
Years went by and I would check his email, websites etc...and I could never find anything....but i ALWAYS had a gut feeling...
Last year....I reached a breaking point in our relationship and said that things need to change ( due to other circumstances ) he was on his laptop and me on mine all teh time and we never did anything...
Well...i decided to check my email on his laptop one day and he had an email open that was a SECRET email full of porn site messages from other girls...and even private emails of girls that sent naked pictures...I LOST IT! I told him, I thought you were over that...and i hit rock bottom! I felt sick to my stomach and was ready to end it...but I held on....
To my surprise....a few weeks ago, we were talking and he admitted to me that he was on the sites every other day and that he had a homosexual encounter....long story short...im in a bad situation right now and a lot of it has to do with porn sites and these encounters...
My advice to you....if you've told him that you don't appreciate it and he still does it, then he's not taking your feelings into consideration and he's being selfish. There comes a time in life when that needs to stop! Looking at porn the odd time is fine...but if he does it often then it becomes a problem and could possibly lead to bigger things...
He needs to discuss why he feels teh need to go on these sites, and look at magazines... he needs to
accept responsibility and mayve go and see a counsellor....thats pretty much where I stand right now.....
It becomes routine for guys and could possibly even be an addiction...We all know guys and there ideas of sex and how if we could they'd want it 10x a day! but thats clearly unrealistic...and its not unrealistic of you to feel this way. I feel teh same way! You just need to find a happy medium, something that you will be able to deal with and the same for him....and if he can't even do that, then you have someone who is pretty selfish...and its not worth for you to feel the way you are....I say this with experience...
Tell him to talk to someone about it and how he can cope with the urges....
omg! thank you so much! i felt like i was the only crazy person in the world who searched thru cookies!!!! hahaha. well now its only once in a blue moon. it USED to be all the time. but to me once in a blue moon him knowing how i feel he shouldnt do it AT ALL. i just feel so disgusting and awful when i find out about it. i do EVERYTHING for him and he seriously is the most amazing person i have ever met, he has a drinking problem and the whole porn thing but other than that hes great. i have given the drinkin thing to him i cant fight that battle anymore but this one i cant let go. its that or me plain and simple. there is no compromise there. i used to find heaps of downloads and things but now its just the occasional. i just want him to stop COMPLETELY. its seriously makes me ill. it stresses me out and i cant take it. haha. not many women can cope with this but for me its almost worse than cheating because if they cheat you can at least stop communication and know who it was with with porn its EVERYWHERE and you cant stop communication if they arent. thank you so much you have no idea how much better you made me feel
Funny thing, I just joined this site and I read your post and replied, and you did the same to me! HAHA!
haha i just joined last night. GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKEhaha.
I feel as strongly about it as you do....its just scary because my bf got into interactive porn...where he would go on sites that you can chat with other girls and have webcam convos, he would go on sites to have other girls rate his picture...and went on sites "looking for a good time" It really does get out of hand....!
They're so used to doing it and thinking its normal, but when you get into a relationship, that stuff needs to stop. And if it doesnt, then it should be VERY minimal next to nothing!....I don't agree with porn either, but once in a blue moon, its fine...
In my opinion, if a guys been watching porn for that long, maybe hetero porn gets old and they look at other things....that maybe might spark an interest...which scares the $%^ out of me because sex is everywhere and some people are just so selfish....( mt bf being one of them )...
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