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Welcome to my world - at least until earlier this year. I agree masterbation is fine unless it affects your sexual relationship.
How old are you?
How long have you been married?
Refuses sex but masturbates all the time
My H is a big masturbator. Always was. And it was not a big deal until it started interfering with me and lack of sex life. Usually excuse after excuse not to have sex and moments later uses his hand. Very annoying. When I complained he says relationships is not working for him because he cannot do anything he wants...I feel like i married most selfish person ever. I pay most of things and do everything I can to make him happy to get this in return...Not working out for me at all. The fact that he is complaining is making me even more upset. Want to leave but that will financially drain me. He has no money and will have to pay for his expenses for a month at least. I wish I can just walk away...
Welcome to my world - at least until earlier this year. I agree masterbation is fine unless it affects your sexual relationship.
How old are you?
How long have you been married?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
ok that is selfish. you need some love too not just rosy palmer haha. i would be really frustrated too. i read a post on someone else's thread that the head person put a reply on and i thought she had an awesome idea. get your hair done. start dressing different. go out and do things and dont let him know where you are or who your with. when youre around him put on a big smile and act like your super happy. he'll start thinking you've got someone else and maybe pull his head out that maybe he needs to rethink his priority list.
Being a constant MB is to me, a symptom of something else that is really going on. So you really have two choices; A) Hunker down and spend the time, money and energy to try and figure it out, or B) Leave.
I would STOP paying for anything that has to do with him except those expenses that beneift you too, like rent/mortgage, lights, heat, etc. Nothing for him. If you have a joint checking account that he has access to, move the money into an account he doesn't have access to.
He has no money = he has no job = he gets nothing more from you until he finds work.
Definitely a lot going on here. A lot more than just an obsession with MB.
Reply to the posts and let us know how things progress/what we can do to help.
His selfishness is evident, you pay for him to sit around the house wacking it til the cows come home while you are left sexually neglected... you are aware, I'm sure.. that there is no shortage of men out there that will pull their own weight financially and will make your body feel good as well. I'm sure you have feelings for this man or you wouldn't still be there... but you have to not only examine your feelings for him -- but his feelings for you. You can love a brick wall forever, decorate it and make a shrine to it... but if its a brick wall -- it won't love you back. And part of the human condition is wanting to feel that love back, wanting affection and to be made to feel special -- he sounds incapable of that, and you have to consider how much longer you are willing to sit idle and celibate.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
I came to realization recently, which I think is something many woman fail to see. You need to develop some ability to step back from your feelings and look at the other persons actions, as well as really hear their words. What if you were watching a movie where your feeling weren't part of it? There was a woman and a man. You see what? A woman working, providing, loving, desiring. A man unemployed, doing what all day, rejecting her, pleasuring himself. What would you think she should do?
Unemployment is stressful but it is under stress that otherwise hidden characturistics come out. Actions speak louder than words. What do his actions tell you?
Paying his expenses for a few months is cheaper than paying for life. Talk to an attorney about that side of things.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Is it possible that he has materbated to the point that he is no longer as sensitive to you. I have heard the complaint on this site before that men are being rough on themselves so they lose sensitivity and with that the desire to have intercourse. I know that doesn't answer your question but it may provide some insight. (I hope)
☮“I am convinced that the women of the world, united without any regard for national or racial dimensions, can become a most powerful force for international peace and brotherhood.”☮
I think they need a new sexual category besides homosexual, hetero or bi -- like autosexual or pornosexual, without stigma so people that prefer to do it alone, can be comfortable in stating that upfront in dating, by the way... i'm autosexual... so you won't be getting your needs met from me in THAT way. That way potential partners that are asexual or autosexual themselves could be like FINALLY... someone i can be with in a relationship with no sex and they could find happiness in that together... and the ones that prefer intimacy with a partner can say... yeah, maybe we should just be friends.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
HD that is an excellent point and we may well be headed that way. If we start using those terms I'll bet it isn't long before we start seeing it spread as a concept.Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
lol - I like it HD, and you are absolutely right, and apparently there are lots of folks that would fit this category (sadly).
I agree that you (kiki) need to start thinking ahead - because it doesn't sound like he is very much willing to work anything out and sounds like he has pretty much given up. You can't just stay in a stagnant relationship - well you could but why life your life like that? It'd be ridiculous. How about suggesting couples counseling? If he is willing then that may signal that he is also willing to try and bring things back on track, if he doesn't agree I think you can safely assume he has completely given up - and again, to me that would mean that 1, you accept this and will be willing to live your life in misery, or 2, need to start looking at getting out of a horrible situation for your own good.
Am I wrong?
Colorado
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