my husband has no libido

**brunettebabe** · 11-26-2010 11:18 PM

My husband hardly ever has sex with me. He has a low libido. I think our sex life is almost non-existant. I am wanting to have a baby. He claims he wants to have a baby too. He says he is starting to get old so its definitely time for him to be a father, but he hardly ever has sex with me. When I never get pregnant he blames it on me by saying that I must have a medical problem preventing it from happening. We've been trying for several years now. I think we will be more successfull at getting pregnant if we would do it more often, but I can't make him do anything. It sometimes makes me upset when he wont do it with me. We're talking about seeing a doctor some time soon to see if one us might have a problem. Actually to see if I have a problem because he is convinced nothing is wrong with his sperm. He believes he has plenty of healthy sperm to fertlize an egg. Even though we hardly ever do it he thinks I should still be able to get pregnant so that's why he thinks I am one with the problem. What makes it even worse is we're newlyweds. Most newlyweds have sex all the time. When me and my husband were just dating we do it three to four times a week. Now its once a week, once every two weeks or whatever. Sometimes I think that he doesn't really want a baby. HELP!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-26-2010 11:58 PM

Hi Tara,

Can I be blunt?

Be it man or woman, one person is always going to feel that they are there for one thing and one thing only, in this instance, your husband probably feels that he is there to make a baby, not have sex because you love him does that make sense?

Re-read what you wrote

When the blame game comes into it, you can bet your bottom dollar that there is more behind it...

You say that you've been trying for years, and your now "thinking" of checking with a Doctor. Do it... Whether he is right or wrong over that, he's frustrated too, because it's not the non sex, there is a problem, medically or physically, that being your doing the wild thing for a baby concentrating on that, and not loving each other...

A life being bought into this World is with love.. You know, several years your both frustrated...

He may do the blame game and you may feel OMG what if it is me? But unless you go through the process of finding out, you two will get worse and worse, just go and see your Doctor.

When I said your not loving each other, take time out to be in love, that's when a baby is concieved, when two people bond, totally

And lastly, there are foods to eat, healthy weight, positions , you guys could have a lot of fun, speak to your Doctor about all those options as well...

CW

**brunettebabe** · 11-29-2010 08:32 PM

I have talked to lots of people about this and a good bit of them said that its not normal. My husband and I have a great marriage! We're very happy together! I just wish we could have sex more often, that's all.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-29-2010 09:13 PM

You mention that he is getting older and its time for him to be a father... is that how HE feels? Or how YOU feel about the situation? You said you are unsure whether or not he even wants a baby and I think if you want a happy marriage that is something you should definitely find out BEFORE getting pregnant. Do you want sex more often because you want to be close and intimate with him, desire him... or do you want sex more often because you want to be inseminated? If you are making him feel (and I'm not saying you are... I am saying if) if you are making him feel like a sperm donor... that can take all the sexy out of the act and make the idea of sex become a chore, a job, a task... rather than something pleasurable and fun.

**rcoreyus** · 11-29-2010 11:13 PM

Did he ever show more interest in sex, or was he always like this? If he has always been like this, he may not change - some people just have a low libido.

Does he really want a baby? Married men sometimes feel they must say yes because it is expected even when they don't. You can probably tell.

Even if he does want a baby, turning sex into baby-making can completely ruin it. As someone posted, he starts to feel like a sperm donor. As the couple gets more worried there will be pressure to have sex on a schedule when you are most likely to conceive. Doctors will often suggest artificial insemination (slightly higher success rate), and the last dregs of intimacy will go away. (I've see studies that couples sex lives sometimes never recover from this, even if they were good to begin with).

Maybe try having sex without the pressure of pregnancy for a while - just a couple of months. Do things that won't get you pregnant, go back to love making, not baby making.

Maybe - Of course I really don't know what is going on, and may be completely off base here. Just my thoughts.

**brunettebabe** · 11-30-2010 09:07 AM

HE is the one that feels old so its definitely time for a baby. My husband and I have a big age difference. We're ten years apart. He is 37. I want more sex because I of course want to be close and intimate. Its not just the baby making. When we were dating we would do it all the time. Now it hardly ever happens and his libido has dropped. We have a great marriage! We're very happy together! I just he would do it with me more often, that's all.

**stressed** · 11-30-2010 10:07 AM

Has he given you any reasons/excuses as to why he wants it less than you?

You could try to postpone the baby for 6 months, see if his behaviour changes.

**brunettebabe** · 11-30-2010 08:41 PM

My husband has all kinds of excuses of why he doesn't want it. His favorite statement is, "We'll do it tomorrow." He said that about four times this week before we actually did it.

**Pau** · 12-05-2010 06:10 PM

Maybe he doesn't actually want to have a baby. That's why he made such excuses

**stressed** · 12-06-2010 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by Tara43

My husband has all kinds of excuses of why he doesn't want it. His favorite statement is, "We'll do it tomorrow." He said that about four times this week before we actually did it.

Tell him that if he says "we'll do it tomorrow" again you will literally puke. He either does it now or doesn't tell you about it. I've been there myself and I just asked him to stop saying it, it really annoyed me after a couple of years.