Other woman apologized

**bella321** · 11-28-2010 08:25 PM

I would appreciate opinions on my situation. As I previously posted, my husband was involved in a texting relationship with a young woman that he met at a support group meeting while living and working out of state. They texted back and forth at all hours of the night for about one month before I discovered the evidence and the texting came to a stop. My husband lied for about three months before finally fessing up that they had sex one night at his apartment. He blamed it on her and claimed that she "seduced him". I sent her a text message asking how many times she visited my husband but never got a response. We have been working on our marriage throught therapy and have been doing pretty good, other than occasional anger/sadness outbursts on my part. My husband continues to work out of state since there are no jobs at all in our area. The other woman lives about 5 minutes away and I know that she continues to attend the same support group meeting that they met at. I went with him tonight (I have been sober for many years, my husband had relapsed when he met the other woman) and she approached me while he was in another area. She apologized to me for causing any trouble in my life and said that she didnt know what was going on when she and my husband were carrying on. She said that she was trying to get off of drugs and thought that my husband was supportive and he had informed her that we were separated. She admitted that they had sex one time and they stopped communicating shortly afterward. She said that she was not thinking straight and was not interested in carrying on with my husband or anyone else and had made a mistake. She also said that she heard my husband talking about reuniting with his wife and she felt bad about what had happened and was afraid to answer the text and email that I had sent her. I told her that my husband is the one that betrayed me and that it was wrong for him to have sex with her under false pretenses- claiming he was separated from me. I almost feel a sense of relief but am kinda amazed that this happened five hours ago and my husband has not said one word to me about it. Any comments?

**sourpuss** · 11-28-2010 09:09 PM

Well, I've got to hand it to her to face you. I'm sure it was hard on her part. Sounds like she was lied to and now that she knows the truth, she's doing the right thing.

Maybe the best time to bring it up to him would be on neutral ground at your next counseling meeting.

**hppacific** · 11-29-2010 01:55 AM

my fiance cheated on me and the "other woman" was a complete (edit) to me. she told me things like "i can have him if i want him" ect ect. so be thankful that this girl was respectful enough to tell you what happened and apologize. i give her props. as for your husband. keep in mind he's man and men hate admitting they did something wrong. just work thru it. i agree with sourpuss and just bring it up at your next counseling meeting.

**spudbrooks** · 11-30-2010 02:02 AM

I too think that you are lucky. My ex cheated on me and it took me a long time to write the other girl an email. I was very careful not to sink to name-calling (at least in the copy i sent anyway!) but just focussed on how her actions had affected me. I did not get a response from her but I know I had an effect as my ex told me that she had not responded, because there was nothing she could say, I was 100% correct.

I think the other person needs to be confronted, no matter how they react. They need to know how their actions affect others, because they are only thinking about themselves when cheating.

**Awoman2** · 12-05-2010 02:04 PM

"I think the other person needs to be confronted, no matter how they react. They need to know how their actions affect others, because they are only thinking about themselves when cheating. "

So was your ex. If he was not interested in cheating on you, he'd have never gotten involved with someone else. He is responsible for being faithful to you, not the woman he cheated with. I know it's easy to blame the woman for the way 'her actions affected your life" but it's the cheating boyfriend's actions that affected your life. That woman has no obligation to be faithful to you, he does.

**kittysarcastico** · 12-06-2010 09:56 PM

Originally Posted by Awoman2

He is responsible for being faithful to you, not the woman he cheated with. I know it's easy to blame the woman for the way 'her actions affected your life" but it's the cheating boyfriend's actions that affected your life. That woman has no obligation to be faithful to you, he does.

I felt exactly the same way....until my husband cheated. I still think the spouse bears more responsibility, but the lack or basic morals in most people astounds me. It's so easy to not cheat. Just don't do it.

**tooconfused4words** · 12-07-2010 07:54 PM

I emailed my husbands gf the day after I found out...and told her she could have his sorry butt. They deserve eachother. Told her she was in no way special, just another name in a litany of names in his book of deplorable behavior. She didn't respond. I don't blame her. But I do think she is a coward.

He never spoke to her again, even though I gave him the go ahead to go right to her. ( I actually told him I thought she was a better fit for him at this juncture of his life anyway.) He is in counseling trying to get his act together. Don't know what will happen...

Point is kudos to the OW for taking her 12 step program seriously (isn't apologizing to those you've wronged one of the steps???). She spoke her peace. Now she should step off.

And I'd tell him to get his dog on a leash. She need not speak to you again. He caused this chaos...now he needs to make sure she steers clear of you.

**ku1234** · 12-08-2010 03:32 PM

I do think the blame falls on the person who did the betraying, like they say, it takes two... I also think it took some courage to talk to you and apologize, but she isn't the one who betrayed you, he did. It sounds like she is trying to find some type of forgiveness, that she can only find within herself. However, it does sound like she is on the right track.