Having sex with other men.

**Lindy56** · 12-04-2010 07:56 AM

Hello, this is my second time posting on here and was very grateful for all the advice i was given.
I have a new problem that i would appreciate some advice on.
What do you think about your husband wanting you to have sex with other men, do you think it's ok or do you think it is very wrong of him to even ask.

Please let me know as i am very confused.

Lindy.

**Seeker_Advice** · 12-04-2010 08:08 AM

Immediate reaction, NOPE, not okay.... Frankly, as a man, I can't begin to fathom why any man would want to "share" his wife in that way. "Share" his wife in any way for that matter...

My advice/opinions tend to be heavily influenced by the thought process...What would I do if I woke up in your/his shoes?

If it's something you've talked about as a couple or he has shared with you as a fantasy of his and you're open minded, or want to fulfill all of his fantasies, etc. then that's completely different.

Many men have this "fantasy" of sharing their partner with a third person.

I don't think there is anything that is "very wrong" for either of you to ask the other. Communicating openly and honestly with one another is probably the single most important aspect to any successful relationship. So I would continue to encourage it. You don't have to like what is being said, but listen to your partner and then express how you are feeling about what was just said. Be careful not to react or over react too quickly as that might cause your partner to shut down and not communicate with you in the future.

Me personally? I'm not "sharing" the woman I love with anybody and I have zero fantasy/thought about ever doing so.

**WildChild** · 12-04-2010 08:11 AM

Well if you are married the general model for that includes fidelity. That simply being sexually exclusive. Most people interpret exclusive to mean you don't have sex with anyone else, gender is irrelevant. If you have an open marriage you will have a different understanding and there is room for sexual interaction with others.

Do you have an open marriage?
Do You want an open marriage?
Does he understand that is not one sided, if he gets to play around, so do you?
Is he capable of absolutely, scrupulously, without fail, every single time, practicing safe sex?
Do you trust him to do so? Trust him with you life to do so?
Is he bi-curios or is he gay, coming out of the closet, at least to you?
How do you feel about the idea of him desiring other men?

It isn't necessarily a matter right or wrong, if he desires men, you need to know more and then the choice is up to you. If it's a curiosity thing and you are not open to the idea of the person who oath bound themselves to sexual exclusivity with you, then tell him NO. You expect fidelity. Period.

If he is discovering that he is actually gay, then these feelings are not going away. It won't be just a matter of curiosity. Some women aren't really into sex and are fine sharing their live with a closet gay man and they have the M.R.S. and the use of his income and whatever social benefits they find in being married and some compainionship and he can have his side life quietly and secretly and they are fine with that.

What do you think is really going on with him?
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or wants.
What do you want?

**WildChild** · 12-04-2010 08:14 AM

Oh Seekers response was assuming a different scenario. I didn't interpret this as him wanting a threesome.
What exactly is he asking for?

**Lindy56** · 12-04-2010 08:32 AM

What i am asking is what are you views on a husband asking his wife to have sex with other men.

**WildChild** · 12-04-2010 08:35 AM

Well many of the questions I asked still apply.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 12-05-2010 11:45 AM

Do you want to have sex with other men?

**jns** · 12-05-2010 12:37 PM

Is he OK if you fall in love with one of these other guys and want to cut the ties with him?

**Awoman2** · 12-05-2010 01:52 PM

Here's my question. What do YOU think of your husband asking you to have sex with other men? What does it matter what we think? You're the one who's going to be passed around.

**Pau** · 12-05-2010 06:01 PM

That sounds strange. I would feel awkward about it.

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