Thread: I must be a horrible girlfriend!

You're not in the wrong for expressing your concerns... there might be a better way , or rather... a different way to go about it though in my opinion. You have to try to understand that when you are expressing yourself to a man, they can't read between the lines sometimes. You say 'why don't you introduce me to your friends?? You need to introduce me to your friends , I would introduce ppl to you!'. They hear you telling them what to do, they hear you saying because you do something they have to too, they hear "control" and turn a deaf ear to anything else.

Instead you can lead with the stuff that is in between the lines... 'when you don't introduce me to your friends, it makes me feel like I don't matter to you'. Maybe you don't mean it that way, but its how it makes me feel'. This is not saying , you must introduce me, this is not saying 'you are wrong' this is saying: Your actions/inactions effect me in this way. This gives them to power to correct it, because the reality is the issue is small.

How hard would it before him to say oh sally come outside i want you to meet my gf raina. It would take moments, it would make you feel happy and secure and it would probably make sally or whoever feel more comfortable too. No one likes to feel like they are persing off their new friends girl.

By telling him how something makes you feel and let him decide what to do next time, you aren't exhibiting control... you are simply stating what hurts your feelings and what would make you happy and letting him decide how he wants to treat you equip with the knowledge of what the outcome of his actions will be.

I know you don't want to control him, you just want to feel secure and significant in his life probably. But guys dont' hear what you don't say. They don't feel the way we feel about things so the fact that you tell him that you'd introduce your friends to him won't mean the same thing to him that it does to you.

What makes relationships work though is though he may not be bothered by you talking to some guy friend and not introducing him, it bothers you... and he should respect that. If he doesn't... then you know what you are dealing with as far as how much he cares about how things make you feel. So long as what you are asking for is rational, and your approach respectful ... a man that loves you won't mind taking that extra minute to make you feel good by meeting sally or pam or whoever. Especially if he has a history of cheating or leaving you... he needs to realize that in your special case -- he may need to take some extra steps to comfort you.

Guys in relationships DO need time alone, just as women do. My boyfriend gets his alone time every week and so do I. I think its essential to appreciating what you have in someone to be able to still have time for your own personal interests outside of them. Whether its laying on a couch watching football or going to the gym, or whatever. Both partners need time to themselves from time to time, personally i think its needed on a day to day basis and here or there, sometimes more than that.

A lot of people say well... they have time away from me at work... but that doesn't count, work is work. Everyone likes a little time to put their feet up, to read, to watch a show without having to be 'on' for anyone... where they can get up and do a chicken dance if they want to , no ones lookin'!

The guy friends that I have are either male friends hes made and then I made friends with them or the one guy friend I still talk to from Midschool on through Highschool. He tried to rub that in my face, "Well you have Scott and blah blah" and I told him, "I've known Scott for years and I've never had feelings for him. Hes a perfect guy friend, but hes not my type relationship wise." (This was when he was complaining about having opposite sex friends and Ex girlfriends still as friends) I have issues approaching things in a good way, I think over it over a period of time and then bring it to attention, its difficult to keep my facts straight though once he starts getting pissed off and yelling at me like a dog or something and then it all goes to mush for me and whatever I had planned perfectly to tell him, goes out the window. (He knows this)

Also, my friend (We'll call her Sam, she lives in another time zone 3 hours behind us) was texting me earlier today as to how she got onto my fiance for something. (It was completely unrelated to my relationship, but it involved a group of people including herself, me and my fiance) and she let him have it. He told her that he was uncomfortable with talking to her because he knows how I get. He knows that I love this girl to death because me and her get along like 2 peas in a pod! I talk about her to him alot and everything! He feels uncomfortable talking to a woman that I know and trust, yet hes fine with talking to a woman that I don't know at all. That makes my stomach hurt, it makes my body cold and shiver. I try to see his logic in that, but I can't find any. He also told her that "I know my boundaries and she knows I wouldn't hurt her" but I don't know that because of how hes so hateful to me when I try to talk to him about things that bother me, how hes unwilling to tone how nice he is to women down at all because he thinks that being overly-nice gets better reactions. Theres nothing wrong with being nice, but when you comment that their body is a 'fresh canvas' for tattoos I can't help but think as to how that discussion occurred. It kills me because I can tell just by appearence and how he floated around telling me about the woman, shes his type. He told me "Im not going to just not make friends with cool people because you are insecure" my insecureness doesn't just happen out of thin air, something triggers it.

He introduced me to a girl he made friends with and that was awesome! I like her and I'm fine with that. I brought that up to him during our conversation and his response was "It was an opportunity, you were there and she was there." Well....I was there when I saw Sally working that day you went to the store, because she stopped at the door to look outside as soon as we pulled up as if she was seeing who it was....

If he says that I know he wouldnt hurt me, and that he knows his boundaries. Then he needs to show them to my somehow. Thats just me ranting.