Am I being to insecure? Really need advice!!

**lizbriscoe** · 12-15-2010 12:51 PM

Hi my husband and I have been together for nearly ten years and married for two of those years. We got together when we were both 14 and have been together ever since. The start of our relationship was great until about 2 years into it he had to transfer to another highschool. While going to that highschool he became emotionally invovled with one particular girl. But in the end nothing physical happened and he disconnected from her and stayed with me. But still to this day I can not get over how that time has effected my emotions and insecurities with him. I know we were young but the scars and emotional pain run ever so deep with me and I have built a wall up towards him because I dont want to get hurt again.
Now we have a two year old son and a daughter on the way and we are having problems in our marriage because his boss just recently hired a woman around his same age. All of the old insecurities are surfacing again. I know he is attracted to her by some of his behaviors and I am so worried that he is going to become invovled in another emotional relationship and its haunting me. I know that I am doing more damage to the state of our marriage if I keep bringing up my insecurities ragarding this to him. But I just cant seem to get it out of my mind that he is at work talking to her or flirting or maybe more. How do I move on and learn to trust him. Should I trust him?

**WildChild** · 12-15-2010 01:32 PM

This happened when you were 16 and at different school?
I would be amazed if he didn't find other girls attractive. He is human, not some alien life form?
Yes you could destroy your marriage with this. Once you are tried and condemed when innocent, there isn't much to lose if go ahead and commit the crime. If you can get some counseling do so.

Try upping the amperage at home.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-16-2010 02:58 AM

I agree with WC, is a man a man at 16? He chose you, at 14, and at 24...

He chose you instead of getting physical with her it's time to see him and yourself as Adults and as such realise what you have, 10 years together, and he's still there.

Off course if you add insecurity into it he will become more distant... And, then you have more to worry about...

Cut him some slack, he was 16 and believe in your relationship, your marriage, your bond...

CW

**rcoreyus** · 12-16-2010 11:09 AM

Also dating is very different from marriage. Most would consider it cheating to get into a physical relationship with a new person before you break of the relationship with the first, but it is normal to find you are attracted to someone else and then decide if you want to continue with the existing relationship, or end it and start with the new person.

I think the commitment when dating is very different from marriage (or any equivalent permanent promise)

**Colorado** · 12-16-2010 09:06 PM

I've worked with many women every weekday (maybe why I feel comfortable here in this forum), and we get to know each other pretty well - having some fairly serious conversations and such, but I know where the line is drawn. I've even had several hints by some, but I've never crossed the line in over 24 years. I know how good I have it, and would never jeopardize what I have by being stupid.

I say this to let you know that though he may work with someone of the fairer sex, doesn't mean he will jump into bed with her. In fact, he may very well learn to appreciate you more because he works with women/a woman. The women I currently work with give me advice on how to treat my wife and nice/special things I can do to help make our relationship flourish all the time (flowers/anniversary, etc). No I don't get personal with them, and or give intimate details about our private life, but some things they just relate to. And Lord knows, just talking with them has given me a much better understanding of women in general.

So... I have to agree with the others here that dating and marriage are two entirely different scenarios, that shouldn't really be compared in this light, unless you have reason to believe otherwise.
Give him some trust, and don't let the green eyed monster turn it into a self-fulfilling prophesy.