Is this something I should even be worried about?
This maybe something I shouldn't even be mad or worried about but I'm having a hard time understanding this.
My husband and I moved over two years ago to a smaller town away from where we bank normally. We have took out loans in the last few months from this credit union where we bank. My husband started selling stuff recently mainly his gear from work that he doesn't use anymore and stuff like that on a website online. So yesterday he tells me he is going to set up an account for his "money" (at the local bank here) and I asked him why he doesn't just mail the stuff to get deposited into our account. He says cause than he it won't be his money it will be "our" money. Which ok I understand that point but he still can set up a seperate accout through our bank for savings since his whole goal is buy a gun. He than uses the argument if our children or myself recieve checks in the mail than we can cash them. However, he takes that back and says its only his checking/savings account and he doesn't trust me with his personal income from his online sales.
I am a Stay at home mom and full time college student. I pay all our bills on time and manage our money since my husband has no interest in doing so. He was so far in debt when I met him I had to set up a budget for him to get him out of debt. I'm a saver and he is a spender. I think of things in the long run rather than in the moment. I brought his credit from the bottom to the top with helping him develop a plan to get his credit back which helped us buy our first home, which I'm very thankful for.
I feel personally like he is hiding something from me with doing this. I don't know why or what but I'm really uneasy about this. I tried talking to him about it but all he says I'm trying to control his money. Which I'm not trying to control at all, I just don't see a reason for this in the long run. Plus I'm worried about him putting us this time rather than himself into debt since he doesn't really think before he acts.
Am I wrong being upset about this? Should I feel weird about him doing this without letting me being involved?
As long as it doesn't affect your household income and spending, I would leave it be. He could have set this up without saying anything to you. Many couples have a joint account and then separate accounts. Once you get to earning an income you should have your own account - just to keep things balanced.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I take it buying a gun is high on his priority list, but low on yours.
Does he give you some money from his pay or all of it and then gets an allowance back? Is the check direct deposited? Does it go into a joint account?
Was the gear he is selling acquired prior to marriage? How is your schooling being paid for? How many children? Has he already gone through school? When you get a degree, what is your plan on utilizing it?
He is saving for a goal, which it doesn't sound like he did before.
I wouldn't worry about it. Since you pay all the bills, are the responsible party... he probably could feel like he doesn't get any fun money -- for guns, for a pack of gum, whatever... because it goes into an account that you pay the bills from. This can be suffocating for anyone, male or female. Though he is married, though he has children... he's still his own person ... and soemtimes people need to nourish their 'own person' in various ways... need to be a little selfish... whether its with a little time, or a little money.
If I were you I wouldn't make a big issue of it, especially if its not coming out of the money that is going to the bills etc... if you are not getting any 'fun money' of your own for things that you want and you enjoy... then i could understand feeling a little slighted by this... as in , he's come into some extra money... so he gets to go off budget with it... while you still have to penny pinch.
But if its really not all that much, and its making him happier on the insides... let him do this without guilt. There is so much pressure on the provider, so many people to be responsible for... this is maybe his way of poking his head out of the sand, i think it could possibly make him a happier husband and father... if he was able to have something of his own thats all his... whether its a mancave in the garage, or a seperate banking account... some little piece of solitude thats all his. You deserve one too.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
O.k so I understand exactly what u r saying as me & my husband went through alot of the same stuff (the debt, bills, ect). I didn't know about his debt or his inability to pay bills when we got married, I found out when we got final notices! So wehad to work out a system, to which he didn't take to & kicked & screamed the whole way. I finally had enough & wrote a long note about how his actions were affecting us. He is a spender & I am a saver much like y'all. In my letter I also explained that I couldn't live in debt nor watch him continue to dig us further in. I 100% went uncensored in my letter. To the point of tears. He finally understood. He let me take over the bills & together we took control of our money issues. I made him listen to everything that we did financially. Even if he didn't want to hear it. Eventually he started asking question& being aware of money. He can pick a deal better than me sometimes. Im proud of him.
Maybe u should try something similar so he sees how the money gets spent. Ask him y he feels u will spend his money. I think that it is ok if he sets money aside for himself, unless the family is in danger of lack of food, bills, ect. But he has kinda insulted ur ability to money manage on a personal level. Almost like he feels he needs to protect his money from u. That is what u need to find out. Y he feels this way, but remember...calmly
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