My husband change after my delivery

**GoldenLady** · 12-28-2010 02:37 PM

I am a mother, had 10mos daughter. My Hubby changed a lot. The way he treated me, i mean he is still gives the things what me & the baby needs, he said he still loves me but in another way-"a mother of his child love" in short, we are far away from the word intimate.

This is my huge calamity in life-no sex-maybe once in a blue or black moon. This makes me unhappy,bored,insecure,less self-confidence & always having doubt if he has an affair.

We talked about this issues but can't make the intimacy lasts long or make it still alive due to he has no desire of having sex,due to what i observe, though he watched porn,whenever he needs it-means masturbating to get over with it. Sometimes, hes complaining that his P----wont get erected for sometimes w/o reason or maybe his brain was out of order, and complaining that, hi P---wont lasts long to be erected. What i couldn't understand is, i felt somehow useless if i will find out that he, watches porn to pass the time. Btw, im always glued to my lil baby she's breastfeeding...so i cant get away w/o her. Also, though i want to initiate for sometimes but it makes me un-interested due to i cant see to him that he is on the mood for the GO.

I wish somebody could enlighten me somehow.

**jns** · 12-28-2010 06:53 PM

He probably seeing you as a mother, similar to his mother, instead of the sexy woman he married. Having the baby breastfeeding reinforces that in his mind. I personally think the breastfeeding is a great way to insure the baby is as healthy as possible.

Do you use a breast pump to have milk for the baby when you will not be able to naturally breastfeed? If you do, could you have someone babysit, while you seduce your husband to remind him that the sexy woman is still there?

Have him eliminate or slow down on the porn. When you are together, make sure both of you take your time to allow things to build. Plenty of foreplay including laughing and joking and wordplay. Get used to just being together again without worrying about the baby.

It may be best to do this in another place, such as a hotel.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-29-2010 03:49 AM

Great advice, JNS,...

You say he changed then...You say, your glued to your baby, apart from sex, does he maybe feel left out?

And, therefore, this change has occured?

**GoldenLady** · 12-29-2010 03:54 AM

"Do you use a breast pump to have milk for the baby when you will not be able to naturally breastfeed? If you do, could you have someone babysit, while you seduce your husband to remind him that the sexy woman is still there?"

Its not possible, we lived abroad, far where relatives are...thats why i am not at work, he's not in favor of having a nanny, me neither. Well, anyway its just me feeling very sentimental, being alone with the baby almost all the time,my brain becomes "wacko" though when my hubby has extra saving for the month, he will take me to a mall for a shopping or for a walk to ease my boredom. Its also expensive if i have to be all the time to a mall which is the only option for getting unwind. Living in UAE hot sunny day cant have the options of playing outside the sun.

For sometimes, if am having emotional down-low, he keep comforting me and saying we can pass this stage until the baby will be started to walk or go to school. For GOD sake its still long way to go..

I just though if someone has the same issue which i experiencing now...

**GoldenLady** · 12-29-2010 04:08 AM

yes, ur right CW he sometimes talk about his feeling before, that he is been left out. But what i can do? The circumstances is not in my hand? The baby needs a lot of attention. And for some reason i do felt depressed that i want to comply my obligation to my husband too...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-29-2010 04:53 AM

Sweet, listen to your husband....You can do alot, juggle, marriage is important, bonding with your child is important, both is important.....

He offers Nanny you say no, your in love with your baby and your letting go of your husband and he can sense it and feel it...

Compromise...

CW

**GoldenLady** · 12-29-2010 12:09 PM

Thanks Jns & CW i appreciate somebody listens to me. Its so hard if nobody to talk to, such as this family matters that who could fully understand. Though have some friends but they're also from far away land. Mostly are single which can't relate the issue. Somehow, i can get one sided opinion which can't make me suffice of what i hear from them. I truly appreciate and so glad to found this site. Thank you so much.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-29-2010 01:28 PM

Thtt's the hardest thing, being more issolated, and can also be a reason

Meaning, there are no guidance to the word marriage and especially when that little bundle of joy comes along, how to juggle, but when alone, and your husband works, so even more alone, it's easy to focus mainly on your child

And to fear he will stray, because you know something is missing...

How long have you been married?

Can you find groups of Mothers and Babies where you live? It would help you mingle and talk and understand alot more..

CW

**JadedQueen** · 12-31-2010 08:18 AM

You are in a difficult situation with family not near and the fact is when a baby arrives the relationship changes. Is is possible to get a babysitter for the baby so you and your husband can go out to dinner, movie etc... just have a date night? All couples NEED alone time with each other. If he is feeling left out as far as him bonding with the baby make a day one of his days off that you get to sleep in and he gets up with the baby, fixes you breakfast while you get to sleep in and on his other day off you do the same for him... pamper each other. Find activities that you can do as a family as well. It's trial and error as far as what will work for you, your husband and baby but you and your husband need to rekindle your bond, your husband and baby need to bond and you all need to bond as a family. Do some research on the internet to find things/activities to do as a family. I hope things improve, hang in there.