My fiance is a chronic masturbator

**Shines4Him** · 01-01-2011 03:29 PM

Every time I leave then I come back and go on the computer only to find unthinkable stuff in the internet history. He even has memory sticks filled with nothing but pictures of random women and porn videos. I don't know what to do about it. Every time I find a memory stick with stuff on it, I throw it away, only to find something else a couple weeks after. We are both devout Christians, so it puzzles me greatly how he can say that he loves God, yet constantly does what he does.....I've explained to him many times how it makes me feel that he constantly masturbates whenever he gets the chance. How I feel so damaged and unattractive to him. I'm a heavy-set female with very low self-esteem, and when he has porn material on memory sticks hidden from me, and I find it, it makes me feel so low, like I could never satisfy him. I don't know what to do, it seems he will never stop. I need advice, if there are any Christians out there that suffer from the same problem please let me know.

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-01-2011 04:01 PM

I think its less of a religious issue and more of a relationship issue... and honey it has nothing to do with your weight. There are guys with porn/masturbation addictions that have gf's that look like they could be in the pictures their men are masturbating to ... it wouldn't make a difference... they'd still need to see more of them, of other women doing more things or just standing there being a different woman.

I think where you are failing to get a resolution is by attempting to stop the porn through deletes. Porn doesn't go away, no matter how many memory sticks you find and delete... he can buy more. No matter how many times you clear his internet history , he can find a porn site. No matter what you do , if he wants to see porn he will see it. Going around throwing it away is an exercise in futility.

What you need to do is talk to him. Do you guys have sex with each other? Does he give you attention and make you feel special? Is he coming to you for his sexual needs? Are you able to get yours met from him? Most guys don't like to masturbate by looking at nothing but their own penis. Internet porn has trained many of them to not know how to fantasize or be creative and they need to have boobs spoon fed to them on a monitor in order to reach their satiation.

So the masturbation itself is the issue here, more than the porn. If he is ignoring you sexually for it, there is a problem. If he is ignoring work or friends for masturbation , there is a problem. If he is being rude and leaving it out for you to feel bad about it, commenting it, there is a problem. If he wants to have sex more often than you do, he's likely just finding a way to fill that need.

For more thoughts on this... what is your sex life with him like?

**WildChild** · 01-01-2011 04:02 PM

I don't know about Christians but you have plenty of company of all faiths and persuasions.

**rcoreyus** · 01-01-2011 11:07 PM

Is it affecting your sex life (if you are intimate with him)? Does he know you are upset by what he is watching?

This is fairly common, and can range from a fairly minor problem where someone likes to watch porn when their SO isn't available to a complete addiction where they no longer are interested in being intimate and other parts of their personal and professional life can suffer.

**PandaPaws** · 01-03-2011 04:42 PM

What does he say when you tell him how it makes you feel? If he's just telling you to deal with it, then he's an a$$. And of course when you know that he's looking at other women all the time, that probably doesn't make you want to be intimate with him, and it makes you feel like you're being compared to the other women he's looking at when you are, again, probably making you feel like craap. So, it affects the sex life on both ends. If and when you are/were intimate with him though, are you doing everything he wants, that you feel comfortable with? I mean it should definitely be give and take, but say he's into sex in a certain position, or has a fetish, are you doing it, or do you leave something lacking that he feels he needs to look at elswhere? Hopefully he is only looking, and not actually contacting these other women too.
Why do you say it seems like he will never stop? Maybe he needs counseling.