Thread: My husband is a stranger...

I was just going to go back to bed for the day but found this website instead. Reading about other similar situations has given me some courage to share my story.

I have been married almost 19 years to a man that I thought was my best friend. I moved to his country when we married and we started making a life together. After 7 years he took a job overseas and I went with him. It was meant to be for 18 months but stretched into 6.5 years! I have no regrets as it was a wonderful time for us. After returning he struggled to find work and eventually relocated to a small town where there was a job opportunity for him. I had gone back to study and refresh my skills and was awarded a job in our hometown. I gave this job up to move to the small town and we started a new life together - we even bought a lawnmower and moved to the suburbs! After 6 months he got bored and decided to take unpaid leave and take another overseas contract for 18 months. This time I didn't go with him as the country is volatile and living standards are poor. We commuted every 5 weeks and though it was hard I thought that it was for a limited time only. He had been very loving this last year, always buying me flowers and gifts and we spoke on the phone at least twice a day. He also encouraged me to get a puppy for company and I was so excited as I have wanted a dog for years. We do not have children as he never wanted any.

He came home just before Christmas for a 3 week break. The morning after he returned he told me that he wanted to separate as we had drifted apart. I was shocked and upset and so he suggested that we go a romantic place on the ocean to discuss things. The location was beautiful but we didn't talk much as he said he had work to do. i knew something was wrong but I was hurting so much that I just kept quiet. On the last morning I took the puppy for a walk and saw him talking on his mobile at the window. When I confronted him he said that he had just called a friend to give her some support. This "friend" was having an affair with his flatmate/best friend and things were difficult. I knew about the affair as he had told me. I was friends with the wife and hadn't said anything to her as they have been married for 32 years. We had a huge row and then drove home in silence. Once home I asked him to leave for a few days as I needed to think about the separation.

After he left I went and checked his emails and found out that he had ALSO been having an affair with this woman. All 3 of them were cheating as she is married to a local man. My emotions ran wild and he eventually admitted to the affair on the phone. I have not seen him again as I do not know how I will react.

In the emails he stated that he now wants children, with her, and that broke me.

Since I found out his flatmate has broken off the affair and is working on fixing his marriage but my husband has stayed in touch with her. i don't know whether her husband knows about the sordid situation. I have been to a lawyer and will start proceedings next week.

I just want it all to be over. i have to start a new life - relocate, find a job, meet people. I am scared and have no family in this country but have had support from unexpected sources.

my husband still calls most days to discuss the division of property but he is cold and nasty on the phone. I feel as if i don't know him at all. He also threatens me about what I may or may not say to friends and family. His own sisters do not know about the affair only that we have split up. He has told me not to mention the affair as it makes no difference to our relationship and people are not interested. I have only told one couple the truth and he had a fit when he found out.

How could I have been so blind? i thought that we would grow old together. The worse part is that there is no way to fix this. I could never go back to him knowing all the sordid details of the affairs.

i just have to be strong and not go back to bed!