Husband slapped over an argument

**Seeker_Advice** · 01-27-2011 07:38 PM

Counsel - ing can mean many things to many people.

It might be someone with a wall full of degrees in their office, who is trained to listen, then advise based on what they've heard.

It might also be a perfect stranger in a forum, who has endured and lived through what someone else is going through at this very moment.

I would encourage all of us in this forum to take on the roll of counsel - or by reaching out to others because you may never know the positive impact you might have on someone else's life if you don't.

Karenshiver has reached out to you Sidneyalive and asked to talk more. What you do is up to you.

I didn't mean to "steal" or "redirect" the thread and I apologize for any action that is deemed inappropriate.

I love this place....even when I step on my own face.

**OregonGirl** · 02-01-2011 09:03 PM

I semi sorta skimmed over this thread and it's got me a bit steamed I'll admit.

I'm wondering why no one (unless I missed it) has mentioned that forcing someone to have sex is pretty much like rape? I mean if someone was trying to make me have sex when I didn't want to and then pushing and shoving and kicking to keep me awake I'd probably slap them across the face too. And not lightly, mind you.

Women are not always the victims. We can have violent tempers too.

I agree with everyone who has said that this relationship is volatile and that they've both got some serious temper issues to work out.

**jns** · 02-01-2011 10:20 PM

Originally Posted by OregonGirl

I semi sorta skimmed over this thread and it's got me a bit steamed I'll admit.

I'm wondering why no one (unless I missed it) has mentioned that forcing someone to have sex is pretty much like rape? I mean if someone was trying to make me have sex when I didn't want to and then pushing and shoving and kicking to keep me awake I'd probably slap them across the face too. And not lightly, mind you.

Women are not always the victims. We can have violent tempers too.

I agree with everyone who has said that this relationship is volatile and that they've both got some serious temper issues to work out.

Originally Posted by WildChild

Frankly, I'd have slugged you or walked out for good and I'm not a violent person.
It sounds like you pushed him in every way possible.
You shook him, tried to deprive him of sleep.
Attempted to force sex on him - that is rape, doesn't matter which gender does it.
You kept the argument going when you were both tired - or at least he was.
You were going to have your way no matter what.
He should have left rather than slap you but you didn't know when to stop, didn't respect his limits, you abused him and attempted to rape him. Being female does not excuse you in these behaviors.

Get an appointment with a counselor, you need to learn better communication skills, limits, and acceptable boundries for disagreement. A good counselor can help the two of you learn how to negotiate and communicate your needs appropriately.
His behavior was wrong but to some degree understandable.
Your behavior was inexcusable.

WC characterized it that way fairly early in the discussion.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-01-2011 10:30 PM

My only and only hope is in believing that this kind of abuse towards each other is a habit that we both have cultivated and like all habits, it can be changed if the will is there... I am going to change it for myself and I am not sure of anything else mroe than this... I am someone who has tried to put her husband down by commenting over his intelligence, the money he makes, his sexual incompetence, threatening to walk out... he has said and done worse things but thats a different story... I just don't like myself either right now... The problem is that I have not been observant enough in the past as to where the instigation for abuse (verbal or physical) has come from (him or me)... and now I am determined on finding that out...

The problem with "skimming" is you miss alot, including his incidents and including the outcome or direction that the OP is going in in which to help the situation....

Comments based on front page news, which actually has further news, as you go along, generally end up with well, first page responses.

CW

**OregonGirl** · 02-01-2011 10:32 PM

Originally Posted by jns

WC characterized it that way fairly early in the discussion.

Whoops I missed that, haha. Waytogo Wildchild.

**jns** · 02-01-2011 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by OregonGirl

Whoops I missed that, haha. Waytogo Wildchild.

Originally Posted by unsuregirl

My only and only hope is in believing that this kind of abuse towards each other is a habit that we both have cultivated and like all habits, it can be changed if the will is there...

OG, if you read the whole thread, you will see how much understanding that unsuregirl gained from the beginning to her last post. It is really quite a remarkable journey. You can also see how the moderators kept it on track.

**WildChild** · 02-02-2011 12:47 AM

Originally Posted by jns

OG, if you read the whole thread, you will see how much understanding that unsuregirl gained from the beginning to her last post. It is really quite a remarkable journey. You can also see how the moderators kept it on track.

It also reflects something we deal with frequently - getting the story in dribs and drabs. All too often the first few or even several posts turn out to have left out pertinate information that may completely change our responses.

This is one reason the we often resort to asking a lot of questions, almost like playing 20 questions. It gets frustrating when you make a response based on the information provided and the OP comes back with but... and presents something that changes the picture and then later adds something else that changes it further.

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