Wow, you could have written my story. The same thing happened to me the day after Thanksgiving. The kids and I were at a nearby resort for the holiday. My husband could not make the entire three day trip due to work obligations. He joined us for dinner on Thanksgiving and went back to our home that evening. The next day we came home to find all of his belongings gone. He had also taken my name off of the joint checking account. I learned that he borrowed $500K against our home!!!!! He did this over a two year period and I had no idea. We own the home jointly so there HAS to be fraud somewhere. My husband is a CPA by profession so he knows how to move money around. Apparently he thinks he is above the law, but will learn sooner than later that he will be culpable for borrowing off a joint asset without telling me. There could be criminal charges looking in his future.

Because my husband earns a wonderful salary, we decided that I would stop working. He also traveled often for work so I took full care of our two children. Another reason this decision was made was predicated on the fact I was taxed at his rate even though I earned a lot less. It ended up costing me to work instead of earning a living.

The method he used to leave his family has devastated my children, who are older than yours -- ages 13 and 11. I have acquired an attorney who has filed this week for divorce. It took me almost two months of interviewing 20 attorneys before I found this one. Each wanted an outrageous retainer. They made it clear that once they used up the retainer (which happens very quickly) i would then be "on the clock" at $250 an hour. This would be billed to me monthly and if I did not pay it promptly they would drop my case. That was too risky and i knew I would either end up being dropped at some point and/or would end up in bankruptcy court. Luckily ,I found someone who takes on a few cases for women in my situation. She charged me nothing for the two hour consult and from that point on will only charge me $50 per hour. In the divorce she is asking for my husband to pay the retainer and her hourly of $250, but if the court does not award it, she won't come after me for it. So I got very lucky with an attorney. She is a Family Law attorney so I am fortunate that she knows divorce laws inside and out. It took me two months but was worth it.

Like you, I had no idea that he was going to do this. He refuses to look me in the eye on the rare occasions we have been in each other's presence. Obviously he knows that he is hiding things from me, was dishonorable in his actions and knows that I know it too. He sees the kids about once a week, but that is to take them to school. He has no remorse about what he has done to his family and, quite frankly, he told me he does not care at all.

Even though I was hurt at first, I find I am so much better off. If he had not done this now, he would have done it at some other time. He made a calculated unilateral decision to abandon and desert his family. That is about as bad as it gets and speaks volumes about his lack of maturity and character. There is definitely something going on in his life - one filled with lies, cheating and deceit. It all will be revealed layer by layer as we go through the divorce process. There is no way I want someone as toxic and sneaky as he is in my life.

In our marriage, like you, I did everything I could to be a good wife and mother. I cared for the kids, was involved in their school events, outside activities, was attentive to my husband and to the marriage. We have a beautiful (now heavily mortgaged) home which I kept beautifully appointed. I handled all the household responsibilities so he had almost nothing to do when he got home each and every night.


The children and I were harmed, but we will come out better on the other side. You will too. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can do about another person's lack of integrity. Who cares what his problems are. No problems give him Carte Blanche to disrespect you, your marriage and to destroy your children's ability to trust.

You will have bad moments, but they will be just that --- moments. Being proactive makes you powerful. He "thinks" he took your power away. He will be very surprised that his behavior made you all the stronger.

Sarahhannah