Thread: Am I crazy? I think my husband hates my V.

Sometimes weight can have a negative impact on your sex life and libido. Perhaps he's just lost that drive.

You could try starting a regimen together and see if getting healthy helps him get more intimate?

If it's hard to talk about it with him, maybe try writing a letter. It helps you organize your thoughts and may make it easier for him to understand how you are feeling undesirable.

It sounds like he is just going through the motions with you when it comes to sex... doing what is the bare minimum to keep you from climbing the walls with your needs to be satisfied. It almost sounds like he treats it like a chore, trying to keep it effeciant, to the point and over with asap. Women, especially, need to feel wanted, desired, necessary... to the man they love and he is not making you feel that way. Your sex life sounds like it lacks any sense of adventure, intimacy and fun.

It sounds cold, predictable, and no enjoying of the ride... just destination, destination, destination. There is nothing wrong with you, or your v-word. And it sounds like you are in shape and attractive, it sounds like you are open sexually (the dp, wanting to give him oral to completion, etc) but he sounds disconnected from you. Is he affectionate ever? Does he hold your hand? Does he compliment you? Does he get behind you and hold you close?

Have you talked to him about how any of this makes you feel? If so what was his reaction? If not... why not? How frequent do you guys make love? How often do you guys get to spend time with just the two of you? Time that is minus kids , work, and isn't containing any discussion of either?

Originally Posted by Tabitha

I’m trying to figure out what might be going on for my husband, I try talking to him about it but that never goes well. Basically as happens with many couples, Our sex life in the first year or two of our marriage was awesome, and up till about 4 years ago it was good. But we have now been married for 15 years and in our late 30’s – early 40’s. JSYK I am fit and healthy with good hygiene and grooming and he is overweight (he calls himself fat) but he is adorably cute with good hygiene and grooming and is well hung. We had a baby two years ago.

He rarely touches my vagina in fact he will pull his hand away if my vag inadvertently comes close to it in bed.
He is very reluctant to give oral and when he does, it is as part of foreplay and seems only to appease weeks of my hinting and flirtatiously suggestive remarks. And in the end I feel like I have pressured him into doing something he doesn’t like and I end up regretting it.
The last time he gave me a random surprise oral with a happy ending was 4 years ago and I actually can’t remember when it had been before that.
He is mostly disinterested in receiving oral (although he used to love it and even requested it often)
As we sit now it has been three or so years since he has let me give him an orgasm through oral. This is a real loss to me as I love to give even more than receive.

Historically since we got married he never was really big on a lot of foreplay but now does not want much if any foreplay anymore, in fact it usually consists as follows:
His cue to let me know he wants sex is he rolls flat on his back with hands behind his head. If I don’t respond within a couple minutes he draws back the covers.
From there I am expected to get him warmed up with my hand (I would rather my mouth) then as soon as he is hard begin intercourse in whatever position I initiate. Usually he grabs a vibe and applies it to my clit so I can orgasm as quick as possible, sometimes he doesn’t bother cumming and just encourages me to cum as soon as I can, not wanting me to take my time and make it last.

Now on the bright side when we are actually having sex it is decent and I can’t say “the sex isn’t any good” in fact he even occasionally wants anal play/sex and or DP with himself and a toy and likes it deep and hard, and like I said he is well hung. But seriously I mostly feel unsexy, undesired, un-valued, and like my vagina is just… untouchable or undesirable. It makes it challenging to put in the effort to make sex great.

Seems a lot like this post from a mens health forum. no?

I’m trying to figure out what might be going on for my wife, I try talking to her about it but that never goes well. Basically as happens with many couples, Our sex life in the first year or two of our marriage was awesome, and up till about 4 years ago it was good. But we have now been married for 15 years and in our late 30’s – early 40’s. JSYK I am fit and healthy well hung with good hygiene and grooming and she is overweight (she calls herself fat) but she is adorably cute with good hygiene and grooming. We had a baby two years ago.

She rarely touches my penis in fact she will pull her hand away if my penis inadvertently comes close to it in bed.
She is very reluctant to give oral and when she does, it is as part of foreplay and seems only to appease weeks of my hinting and flirtatiously suggestive remarks. And in the end I feel like I have pressured her into doing something she doesn’t like and I end up regretting it.
The last time she gave me a random surprise BJ with a happy ending was 4 years ago and I actually can’t remember when it had been before that.
She is mostly disinterested in cunnilingus (although she used to love it and even requested it often)
As we sit now it has been three or so years since she has let me give her an orgasm through oral. This is a real loss to me as I love to give even more than receive oral.

Historically since we got married she never was really big on a lot of foreplay but now does not want much if any foreplay anymore, in fact it usually consists as follows:
Her cue to let me know she wants sex is she rolls flat on her back with legs slightly apart, If I don’t respond within a couple minutes she throws one of her legs over mine and pulls me close with her leg.
From there I am expected to get her warmed up with my hand (I would rather my mouth) then as soon as she is wet begin intercourse in whatever position I initiate. Usually she grabs a vibe and applies it to her clit and orgasms as quick as possible, sometimes she doesn’t bother and just encourages me to cum as soon as I can, not wanting me to take my time and make it last.

Now on the bright side when we are actually having sex it is decent and I can’t say “the sex isn’t any good” in fact she even occasionally wants anal play/sex and or DP with me and a toy and likes it deep and hard. But seriously I mostly feel unsexy, undesired, un-valued, and like my Penis is just… untouchable or undesirable. It makes it challenging to put in the effort to make sex great.