Thread: My Situation, my husband's situation, our marriage situation and my doubts.

Hi everyone, I've been searching and reading almost everything on the ineternet about other people situation in their marriage and some of them it really hit home. Then I decided to pick this site to vent, I hope you guys will talk to me, I would really appreciate it. I would like to talk about my marriage and both of our sides.

My Situation:

I am 23 year old woman, a wife of a 24 year old soon to be army guy again. I am working in a nice hotel as a front desk, I have a pretty busy working hours but most of the time I can just sit and relax and surf when all the paperworks I have to deal with are finished, like at this moment, I am a loner, probably I chose to be one, I started working when I was 17 and been supporting myself since that age, I live on my own always and not depending on my parents, I have been having problems depending myself on someone bec. I am always scared to be left alone, like everytime I feel this, I dont really have many friends bec. if they would left I would feel bad, I have been seperating myself to my family not bec. I am not happy doing that but bec. sometimes no one understands me even them, I can only trust myself. Every person I know they would told me I am that I look so strong and full of confidence, I would just smile bec. part of it it's true, I told my self many times before,I dont need a man to make me happy, but then my husband came in my life. And I can see myself depending and depending myself to him, and my fears haunt me, my husband has been in military and planning to come back so he always leaving me alone.

My husband's situation:

My husband is a mama's boy, probably bec. of the hard life they've been through most of his childhood without his father on the picture. One time on his teenage life, he fell inlove with his schoolmate and when that girl cheated on him, he tried to kill himself. Then that's the time he joined the military for the first time, my husband has a very low self confidence, he could talk to any girls when they find him attractive bec. that's seldom happened and when it happened he would feel very great and forget who he really is. He can be really insensitive and selfish at the same time thinking of himself and not us.

Our Marriage situation:

We are not together at the moment, that's one of the difference of the wife struggling with their husband. Me and my husband doesn't have a good when he was still here, we always fight then reconcile, then fight again then reconcile, my husbnad has a temper problem, when he's mad he's breaking things in the house, dont care if it's laptop, phone, furnitures, there's one time that he broke evrything in the house and all that was untouched was the television and the dining set, everything else was broke or busted, I confess I could be a nagger wife sometimes, when I am hurt I want to tell him why and what I want him to do, but when I communicate my feelings, I dont know how to say it in a loving way so that starts a fight. And there's a reason why I am like this. My husband has not been faithful all the time to me, when he came back home lat year april, few weeks later i found all the mails and nasty pictures of him sending out to many girls who can satisfy him, though I think he didn't did it physically with them but am I sure? No I am not, just trying to give my husband a benefit of a doubt, it really hurts me when i found all those mails, every word he said tore my heart very much that I still cry when I can remember it, then I got mad, he got mad too to the point he said mean things to me and broke my laptop, after that I gather all my things and started to sleep in the other room but after couple of weeks he said he was sorry and i saw some efforts on him so we reconcile, then that day comes, there's some women who do house to house business about credit cards, since they are on that kind of business they are so flirty and everything just to get sales from the possible costumers, I was at work when those women came to our house and only my husband is in the house, the other girl said "wow you look so great sir", like I told you my husband has a very self low confidence and that praise took over everything, he grabbed the offer and he made a good conversation with them, when I went out of my workplace same day, I saw my husband standing in the hotel and waiting for me to fetch, I was surprised and I felt happy that my husband thought of me, so I feel special, but there's something wrong I said, then he just said out of the blue "I realized you are more beautiful than any other girls out there", I thought it was an innocent praise for me, I just realized at the end he's feeding his guilt.

On the same night before he goes to work (he's working that time graveyard as a debt negotiator) I was so suspicious to him that day bec. when I get home, our wedding picture is missing, it's clean in the house when I am sure it wasn't like that when I went to work and there's 3 bottle of orange juices in the sink, so I look on his pockets then poof I saw some celphone numbers and e-mail of those girls in a piece of paper, I managed to talk to one of them and she even told me she likes my husband, I talked to her seriously and educated, but I dont think she ever listened to me, that night was so long, I couldn't sleep and I feel so betrayed, then morning come, I confronted him and told him what I already knew, he denied everything, then my cellphone rings, I saw it's the girl again and asking where is my husband, I let him read that, at that moment my tears fell down, I was wondering who is this girl why she has the guts to trampled on me, what did my husband did to her or say to her to have this authority over him. Then I told my husband call her and talk to her and tell her to keep away from you, he didn't want to do it, then i did it, I called her and I was really angry, and my husband took the phone and told her dont every message me, email me or call me again and he ended the conversation. That day is really long until night. I sarted to ask for his password on his e-mail address bec. I know I can find something there, it took me 3 hours pleading and crying infront of him before I get it, and when I open his account, there's only one thing i felt, PAIN. I saw their conversations and my husband even asked her to go out and he even told her he is available at day bec. I am at work and my off is thursday, my heart begun to sink couldn't believe what I am reading, I asked myself, is this my husband when he is alone? Is this what he dafault to when I am not around? It scares me.. After I read that my husband is waiting for me, I tried to open the doorknob of the room but I failed, I feel so powerless and I couldn't grab anything that it's not slipping in my hands, then I manage to stand and open the door, I saw my husband and I fell down on my knees bec. of the emotions I have felt, my strength was drained, I just lay on the couch almost through out the night and not saying anything, i was speechless, then I begun to cry, I cry and cry so loud bec. that's the only way I could release this feelings, after that I manage to talk to him then he told me why he does that, it's bec. that woman feed his ego by saying he looks great, I realized the man I married is so swallow.

Then sometime in november last year he left for rejoining the army, since that time he left me, I've been so sad and very very tired.. Month after another him not treating me good makes me grow tired and broken hearted, he talks to me once a week, the last time I saw him in webcam was last 2 months, the last time I talked to him on phone was sometime last month and it is I who made the effort, the last time I talked to him he told me it is really hard to talk to me right now bec. he feels like a failure person, he's going back to military on March 3rd and at this moment he got no source of income and can't help me which I understand, he told me he miss and loves me but I dont feel anything from him anymore.. I feel like I am losing my husband day by day and it really hurts me bec. I can't do anything about it. I have this strong feeling he's seeing someone else or talking to someone else again, I even have the strong feeling that he's talking to same girl he used to talk before and that hurts me, I find myself stalking the girls profile in sites and searching her other sites, I hate being like this and I hate knowing that, I dont have any proof of this doubts.

I dont know what to do, I feel so unloved, unspecial and unimportant. I couldn't speak to his family
bec. they hate me, they dont like me. I never feel like a wife to him and he never makes me feel that I have a husband. I am crying everyday, I have to wait for him to get online everyday but I had to be upset that at the end of the day even 1 word there's nothing from him. I dont know what to do, I can't sleep, eat and work as a normal person. Please help me out.