Thread: Confusion, lies, and denials

Hi everyone im new here i am really having a hard time coping with some marital issues and really could use some advice. i will try to keep this short as it is a long story

in early 2008 me and my husband was not getting along very well he became distant and cold and i really kind of blew it all off assuming it was the fact that he was turning 30, he started criticizing everything i did and even at a party accused me of flirting when i wasn't again i blew it of he had been drinkin.

2 months later we had a huge argument over something that was really stupid i ended up leaving that night because he insisted i not stay at the house and i figured what the id stay with family overnight till we both calmed down so i came back the next day and we went a week without speaking finally i broke the ice and became the peace maker as usual told him i knew we wasn't seeing eye to eye and that i know.

well he kept asking me about the what i know part and i just said that we was not getting along it's what i was referring too but for what ever reason my answer didn't seem to satisfy him, we made up anyways and for 2 weeks we was fine. but something about him hanging on that one statement started bothering me it was as if we were talking about to seperate things. so i woke with this hollow feeling in my stomache and i have never invaded his privacy as i felt as though i never had to in all the years we've been together which was 12 years at the time.

But something told me to check his mobile and i did, i seen a long distance number but really thought nothing of it i was upset with myself for even having the thought of him cheating but i scroll further and found a text from that same number calling him a in appropriate name and asking him was he coming to a club that night. i was confused upset and on edge, i jotted the number down and called it back and a female answered the phone, i didn't say nothing i was to shocked, so i went on our home computer trying to see if i could find this club that was in the text well in our history i seen that he had tried to find it as well and also had looked up divorce sights. this all was done during the time we had the argument.

For 3 days i held this in he worked nights that week and i tried hard to call him to discuss this but could not reach him. so when he came home that morning i asked him about it manily because i found out through a family member he thought i was having a affair which wasn't true. he told me he had no idea of what i was talking about until i explained that i had found the club and that it was a stripclub then he tells me that it was for a stag he was planning for a friend which i knew of but i told him that the club has a local number and you were contacted from a cellphone with a long distance area code and why would it be that as oppose to the local one

i told him no need to worry i'd call the number in front of him and we could just clear this all up, but he stopped me claiming we should just talk, so i told my friend who was in another room to leave so me and him could talk i had her there with me because he can get unruly and i didn't know how he'd react. so me and him talked and he stuck to his story and then told me call if i want but i didnt trust him so i felt bad and didn't chalked it all up and say he can't be lying he was so compelling.

8 days later it still kind of bothered me because it was no corresponding text to the text that was sent to him and the time that he had recieved a call from that number was a night he supposedly went out with a buddy, and the business calling from a celluar phone just seemed weird so i figured hey he was telling the truth i guess but it wouldn't hurt to call and ask since i was over the emotional rollercoaster it had sent me on so i called but the number had been disconnected, so i let him knew that and it seem unlikely that should happen, again he claimed to know nothing

i later realized he had called his job from his celluar when he was suppose to be at work which he denied but i seen the call, then a call came through on our landline and he sprinted to the phone mumbled a few words hung up and told me it was a telemarketer, and he had to run some errands my stomach felt hollow again so when he left i redialed the number that was local and received a message that it was not in service, i was perplexed and so i called and asked a friend how could that be possible and she told me it was a payphone, i later checked on from down the street and sure enough i received the same message

again i told him that he was full of it and that it was no telemarketer it was a payphone again he dismissed me and said i was delusional, so i learned not to tell him anything anymore, i realized that money was missing ..he tried to ask me to perform new sexual positions..one minute he was pissed at me for no reason and later trying to shower me with gifts..but i tried to let it go dismissing my thoughts and on tough days when my mind wandered about it all i poured a drink.

so fastfoward to july 2010, the conversation came up again after he tried to accuse me of calling him private to check where he was which i didn't do, and told me that i just want to leave him and take all his possessions from him, i told him that was not true and that the thing that truly still bothered me was the calling his job when he was suppose to be at work, well this time he tells me that he did in fact call but it was only to speak to another employee that didn't have a celluar phone.
now i know that was not the story he told the first time but i didn't say nothing i just allowed him to believe i was buying it.

well the next day i remembered that my hubby had purchased a new celluar in october 2009 so i searched the house for the old celluar he had in 2008 and looked for this employees name becuase something told me he had lied, well i found 2 numbers for that employee listed a landline and a celluar but what struck me as odd was the fact that the numbers was programmed at to different times the celluar in 2008 and the landline programmed in 2009 because i purchased a new celluar for myself in august 2009 and my new number was programmed before the employee landline which i figured out by the speed dial input.

so i called the celluar and never got an answer called the landline and the guy answered the phone, so finally i got a hold of my hubby's new celluar and cross checked and the employee was listed again but this time it was only the landline, so i checked a month later and then it was also a celluar listed different number than the one that had been in 2008, so i called the new celluar listed and the guy answers the phone.

so i text him from a different number asking for a fictious person in october 2010 and he responded and told me that i had the wrong number and that he had this number since sept 2010, which the celluar in 2008 should have still been his if in fact it actually was.

so i had a pi research the old celluar number and it came back as a prepaid cell with no info so my money was refunded. and now if you call that number you still get no answer just rolls to voicemail.
i even called the employee as a telemarketer and asked him if he was the preivious owner of that celluar number and he told me that he didn't recognize it

so i guess my question is do you think that might be the lady number, and my husband programmed it under his co worker number, i know this lady was a stripper and have heard stroies of strippers who moolight as escorts who use prepaid phones, and would you think he cheated or am i paranoid as he'd like to make me out to be

im sorry for the length of this post but im so frustrated today, i want to believe that im right but he has told me you'll never find anything and also told me i will dig myself in a whole and i find my self second guessing everything but the way he said it to me was kniving and then tops it off by calling me stupid, and this is the same man who stop me from calling that number by begging and pleading and said to me and i quote
what will everyone think....

and i later thought he cares more about what other people think of him than me ...

so what do yall think