husband going on a vacation for friend marriage

**tamus** · 03-22-2011 06:18 PM

ok.. here is the situation... my husband's best friend is getting married in home country... we were planning to go together for this marriage. i could get a maximum of 3 weeks vacation and as i would have to visit my home, my inlaws home and get to the marriage (all are in 3 different places which would take atleast half a day of air travel to reach), i dropped off the plan.. we decided that only my husband would go as his birthday is also coming along and since it is so long he was with his parents for his birthday and ofcourse should attend the marriage... he said he will take only 2 weeks off as i won't be coming along... i don't know to drive a car and has to be all by myself at home when he is gone (that is okay)... suddenly he asked me today that he will be gone for 5 more days, so almost like 3 weeks and if i could manage... i didn't understand why suddenly the days extended and i said i can manage... he was asking shall i go after birthday and stay for marrage and party after a week (birthday is one weekend, next weekend is marriage, the next weekend is a party given by his friend, we talked that he would be going only for birthday n marriage)... he was telling my friend sounded worried when i told him i couldn't make it for the party... he said they talked about it long ago... i am worried, why should he ask me if it is okay to go for longer days when he already talked with travel agents about the dates and was looking for tickets... doesn't he need to discuss to me before that he wishes to go for party as well??? don't he know that it will be hard for me to be alone for so many days, this is the first time we will be separate after marriage (last yr we got married)... i wish he thinks about me as much as he thinks his friend will be worried...

**WildChild** · 03-22-2011 06:31 PM

I think you need to talk to him about your concerns. Do you have any friends who drive who could help you get around while he is gone. Are there buses or a subway you could take?
If you can get together with some friends you might find a lot of fun to have time to do as you please.

**rcoreyus** · 03-22-2011 11:02 PM

You also should learn to drive. You don't want to be stuck if sometime he were not available for you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-24-2011 03:06 PM

If he felt/ feels he has a good relationship with you, his "asking" is more, advising what he will be doing, he is off course, thinking more of himself, the fun etc, assuming you will be okay alone.... selfish? A little, but then you have to have your own life outside of your married life....

You should learn to drive.

And, you should gain hobbies, and more friends, so when these things occur, you are okay....

Let him know that it is a long time, and you would have preferred him to talk to you first, as you are a married couple, before running off and booking things, as if you are of no concern, he can do what he wants, that's disrespectful to your marriage....

CW

**pretzel** · 03-25-2011 07:14 AM

Maybe I read it a little differently,

Sounded like to me, his friend asked if he was coming to the party. He wasn't originally planning on it, but once they talked about it, maybe there will be people he hasn't seen in years who will be there, whatever the reason, he said he'd look into it and talk to his wife to see if she was ok with it. I didn't get the impression that he had already changed his plan, just was thinking about it and before he talked to her wanted to make sure he would be able to. I'm not sure he was being that disrespectful in just looking into it before talking to his wife.

btw, most certainly try to get your drivers license before the trip.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2011 03:07 PM

he was asking shall i go after birthday and stay for marrage and party after a week (birthday is one weekend, next weekend is marriage, the next weekend is a party given by his friend, we talked that he would be going only for birthday n marriage)... he was telling my friend sounded worried when i told him i couldn't make it for the party... he said they talked about it long ago...

Yeah, na

I think you actually read it right Pretz

If he asked, "shall I go after the birthday"... Then isn't he saying spend his birthday with you? And, then you say he sounded worried when you said you couldn't make it to the party?

So, wasn't he saying, I'll spend my birthday with you, then go to the marriage and can you at least come to the party? It was planned long ago and I forgot but my friend bought it up? But you declined to go to the party, or acknowledged he was saying that he wanted to spend his birthday with you....

So if that is the case I am not sure why you are upset, more paniced about being alone...when possibly you had the chance to still spend some time with him as well before and after.

CW