I was pregnant,beaten on the belly and betrayed (he is with another man).

**Maremar** · 03-28-2011 11:35 PM

I am 40 yrs.old and he was younger and wanted us to have a baby.I got pregnant and he turned into an anger bomb. If I said that we needed totalk, he would spend hours angry not talking to me and ignoring me. He started spending the whole day watching porn on his cell phone,and even thou we had sex, I caught him masturbating several times in a day.I got really angry when I confirmed everything and told him he needed professional help.That night I started having strong cramps and went to my ob/gyn.The doctor prescribed me progesterone.One night I was feeling acute cramps again,so I told my husband several times,but he ignored me. Finally,he woke up told me to shut up because he wanted to sleep and left to the sofa. I told him that his attitude was very inconsiderate and inmature.He ended beating me with his fists on my belly. I defended myself as best as I could and kicked him out of my housea.His mom,sister and grandma started calling me to insult and threaten me, even saying that I was lying about my pregnancy.Some weeks after I was informed that he was all the time in my same building because he is another man's lover.I was devastated,and I had a miscariage that night. That was 5 days ago.I feel so depressed,dirty and angry!What is driving me crazy is that he didn't care about the baby,and I can't believe the attitude of these women in his family.Help me because I feel desperate about having trust so much in him,about loosing the baby and all this nightmare!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-29-2011 04:14 PM

Maremar, welcome.

I read this yesterday but had to go out, I note quite a few people have viewed this but don't know how to reply..

I would be interested to know just "how much younger" your husband is... and when you both got married, ie) was it after the acknowledgement of you were pregant? And, did he "show" you that he wanted to have a baby with you or was it a passing comment one day?

I don't know why you felt or feel a man needs professional help if they masterbate...I don't think it's healthy to do it so many times a day every day but telling a man he needs help, is putting him down over something men do naturally, maybe you pushed him too far? Was/is that the only thing you got angry at with him?

You mention that you were in pain to him over and over and he ignored you, eventually got mad and told you to shut up, he wanted to sleep and so he moved to the sofa...But, then it seems you followed him to the sofa and again told him off, put him down, told him his attitude was wrong, in-considerate, immature, remember he is younger than you, that is like saying "your not immature, young, I am going to marry you" to " yeah well you are such a child?

NO MAN should ever hit a woman.... EVER....

But, we as women can push men to the limit with constant nagging and putting them down...Do you think maybe that was the case?

Why would his family feel that they wanted to protect him unless he has told them of the words you have told us here, how you have treated him....

If you loved him, and him you, praise him and treat him with respect regardless of age, and to me, the relationship will / would be different...

No one likes being constantly put down..

What now bothers me, is from all of this , now you advise that he is gay? And you miscarried? Sorry for your loss.

Yet you are not writing at all about that "shock"....

Rather all about the baby?

Something doesn't quite add up.........

But for the purpose of the reply in any event..... if this is a true story it sounds like you pushed him too far, and away, and maybe he was just staying with a guy, a mate and who ever told you that, did so deliberately.

CW

**jns** · 03-29-2011 07:47 PM

Actually, in this one, I don't care about his reasons. He is an animal - punching the baby. Get rid of him.

What country are you from? Is it typical that women from the guy's family insult his spouse?

**myhealth** · 03-29-2011 10:31 PM

Dear Maremar,
In my opinion. Don't tolerate him more than this. Get separated from him. You don't need him in any case.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-30-2011 06:48 AM

A lot of things don't add up in this thread.

Regardless, if true, you were physically abused by a man.

File a police report, change the locks and get a divorce.

**Maremar** · 03-30-2011 04:28 PM

My story is very real.I am attending a center for domestic violence victims where a psychologist and social worker are helping me.We were maried for 2 years. We spoke about the pregnancy clearly. His age is not important when I called him inmature, he could have been 50. The fact was I was in pain.Obviously, I am very sad about loosing my baby because I was taking care of my pregnancy. The situation with this other man is very real,we had big problems before, and I had suspicions.They have been kissing at the pool in front of everyone. Masturbating several times, and watching porn for a whole day non-stop is not normal.The psychologist recommended a book from author Walter Riso where there's a whole chapter about passive-agresive persons like my ex.I feel overwhelmed with so many things and losses to process at the same time.The attitude from the women in his family is as shocking as some of you,asking for proofs,saying it's all liesWell, someone here asks where do I come from.Well I live here in the USA , I'm a school teacher and I have an MBA .Do you want to know my race too?caucasian.Attitudes like this one have me totally astonished.But at least some of you consider being beaten something unforgivable,thank you.I wrote seeking support and help.

**LanaBear** · 03-30-2011 04:42 PM

Questions were asked to get a better understanding of your culture and background. We have many people come to this site where men abusing women is common and more or less expected in their culture. This site is worldwide, therefore a lot of different beliefs, cultures, traditions, expectations.

These weren't asked to cause you hurt, they were asked to better understand. Sad to say, we have had people come on and basically troll up the boards with BS stories, so yeah, when something as drastic as this is told, some members do have questions. I for one, get bent when the generosity of our members is thrown back in their face with people who like to take advantage of it. Not saying this is at all the case, but you need to understand where we are coming from.

He's with another man... He's an angry person who hurt you and your baby paid the ultimate price. It will be hard, but you need to move on and forget everything you had with this guy.

Lastly, we don't belittle people here. We are a support forum. You may not agree with the responses, that's the benefit of being an online support forum, we won't all agree, but WE WILL RESPECT OTHERS!

**WildChild** · 03-30-2011 05:47 PM

I'm so sorry you have been though all this. Having wanted and anticipated a baby, the loss can be very intense. You need time to grieve, unfortunately you will have to be dealing with your soon to be ex in the process. Can you contact the a hospital in your area and find out about any support groups for women who have miscarried? You may find it very healing to be with others who have dealt with this.

Your spouse sounds like a real jerk. I wonder if doesn't have some sort of emotional disorder, the response of his family would seem to indicate that as a group they are a bit "off". How were your relations with them before this happened? I have an ex who is BP/BPD and they do these rapid changes in behavior and attitude and then claim not to remember any of it. Since emotional trauma is a factor in that, their families can be very unhelpful in some cases. It sounds like you would do well to distance yourself from these people.

You need time to recover but then you might consider moving as soon as you are able. Being in the same building with him and his lover is not healthy for you.

**jns** · 03-30-2011 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by Maremar

My story is very real.I am attending a center for domestic violence victims where a psychologist and social worker are helping me.We were maried for 2 years. We spoke about the pregnancy clearly. His age is not important when I called him inmature, he could have been 50. The fact was I was in pain.Obviously, I am very sad about loosing my baby because I was taking care of my pregnancy. The situation with this other man is very real,we had big problems before, and I had suspicions.They have been kissing at the pool in front of everyone. Masturbating several times, and watching porn for a whole day non-stop is not normal.The psychologist recommended a book from author Walter Riso where there's a whole chapter about passive-agresive persons like my ex.I feel overwhelmed with so many things and losses to process at the same time.The attitude from the women in his family is as shocking as some of you,asking for proofs,saying it's all liesWell, someone here asks where do I come from.Well I live here in the USA , I'm a school teacher and I have an MBA .Do you want to know my race too?caucasian.Attitudes like this one have me totally astonished.But at least some of you consider being beaten something unforgivable,thank you.I wrote seeking support and help.

I am truly sorry you are in this situation. You have to break all ties with him and sooner is better than later. I would even think of moving away to put everything behind you.

As LanaBear said, we get people from all over the world here and sometimes what would be a good suggestion for the USA or Canada or Europe or Australia is simply not possible in some societies. It seems that in some societies it is not uncommon for the husband's family to treat the wife like dirt and worse. I read a news account today about a 14 year old girl being whipped to death after getting raped by a cousin. That was from Bangladesh. 10 years ago my friend and coworker from Bangladesh was murdered by his business partner in a bid to take over his assets.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-31-2011 12:09 AM

Maremar,

Our member's are real, they are generous and they have big hearts, including me, so please stay with us.

As such, sometimes, yes, I play bad cop, to a degree, ascertaining as not to waste our member's time and effort that they contribute day after day...and only when something so horrific sounds it can't be true? Can it? But the answers always pervail because the person writing if "fictional" can't jump the hurdle you did and so I am sorry that I made you feel that way...It's like a "job" ...

I am sorry for all you therefore have had to go through, obviously this person is very angry with life or spoilt with anger as well, given his family are the same to you.

I am again sorry for your loss...

And I hope that you continue with the support you are getting and also stay with us, as you can see, the member's are here for you.

CW