my husband has been texting another woman.

**justbefree** · 04-01-2011 12:35 PM

My husband re connected with an old friend of his about a month ago. They were best friends back then and hasn't seen each other for about ten yrs. Well he also became friends with his younger sister. I was un ware that he was. Calling/ texting. Mostly texting each other. Long story short my insecurities came when his co worker was sending text messages that had naked woman. Became a problem, asked him to tell him to stop, he did but keeped the pictures. Asked if he would delete them, he was pissed but he did delete them. Then the porn on his cell phone, again another problem. After that i became insecure about myself, how i looked, was I not enough for him. It worried me. Now he's been text his friends sister. They would text from 4am until he went to work. Then on his morning/ lunch breaks and continued until midnight 1am. During those times he would also text me. Im very concerned about the messages being sent. I asked him what was going on between them, he tells me they are just friends and it was easy for him to bs with. My mother says he's sick, not like a pervert would be. I dont know how to handle this, is it emotional cheating?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-01-2011 02:45 PM

Hi justbefree,

I moved your post from an old one, to your own...

Emotional cheating? Well you could say yes, in respect to talking to another woman contstantly but not acting on it.

Texting at 4am and until 1am? That goes beyond emotional cheating in my books, it's called disrespectful towards you, his wife for one thing.

Porn, pictures, does he have a high sex drive? Or do you both have a low sex life?

You have to ascertain whether this has always been going on, and that's him, or whether the marriage has turned more into friendship and this has just really started...

Can you guide us more there.

CW

**jns** · 04-02-2011 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by justbefree

My husband re connected with an old friend of his about a month ago. They were best friends back then and hasn't seen each other for about ten yrs. Well he also became friends with his younger sister. I was un ware that he was. Calling/ texting. Mostly texting each other. Long story short my insecurities came when his co worker was sending text messages that had naked woman. Became a problem, asked him to tell him to stop, he did but keeped the pictures. Asked if he would delete them, he was pissed but he did delete them. Then the porn on his cell phone, again another problem. After that i became insecure about myself, how i looked, was I not enough for him. It worried me. Now he's been text his friends sister. They would text from 4am until he went to work. Then on his morning/ lunch breaks and continued until midnight 1am. During those times he would also text me. Im very concerned about the messages being sent. I asked him what was going on between them, he tells me they are just friends and it was easy for him to bs with. My mother says he's sick, not like a pervert would be. I dont know how to handle this, is it emotional cheating?

Have communications between you two been a problem for a while?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-12-2011 11:07 PM

bumping....

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-13-2011 06:11 AM

Emotional cheating? Yes.

Anything beyond that? Hard to tell with the information given.

Regardless, it's clearly inappropriate IMO, as anything is inappropriate that makes you uncomfortable.

**Ks85** · 04-13-2011 08:15 AM

sounds like it may be an emotional affair

**Crystalblue** · 04-21-2011 08:07 AM

I was shocked 2 c how many people are suffering through the pain of thier spouses having an emotional affair. Not that I could be the only one dealing with this, but I guess the similarities are just eerie 2 me. Everyone's so different, but the hurt is universal. I think me & my husband drifting apart was the main cause of his, not that it's ever justified. I don't think I could ever believe someone deserves to be treated like this. My suggestion would be to write about it so u can have a calm conversation about what he's putting u through & go from there. My husband didn't stop until I had completely busted him on what he was doing. Even though he knew he was hurting me, he kept doing it til I found out how bad it was. He said he knew it was wrong, but he justified it to himself that he wasn't really cheating since there was no physical contact. Bottom line is he was completely selfish & disrespectful.
Just be careful how u approach subject. My husband was defensive until I had in ur face proof. He even made me feel like something was wrong with me because I felb broken & hurt, but didn't know why. Intuition works faster than my brain I guess, but no matter what he says, trust yourself! Ur feelings r not wrong

**spurzzz** · 04-21-2011 10:57 AM

"They would text from 4am until he went to work. Then on his morning/ lunch breaks and continued until midnight 1am"

I shall reiterate what CW has said in her words: That goes beyond emotional cheating in my books, it's called disrespectful towards you, his wife for one thing.

Sometimes we get scared and fear the worst when it is so obviously right in our faces. Trust your intuition as crystalblue above so aptly said. Yes it is Emotional Cheating because it is making you feel bad and he is not stopping the behaviour.

It is like Religion for atheists or agnostics. They would have to see a stone cold in your face example before they will begin to believe ----- sometimes even then no. Don't wait to catch that action, confront him, if he doesn't stop and still treats you like he doesn't care........remember that film Forest Gump?

Run Forest R.........

**havefaith** · 04-21-2011 11:28 AM

Emotionally cheating yes.

But dont make quick judgement yet.
I have problem with my ex exactly like that, but we broke up not because of that.
Sometimes its good to know the truth although it might hurting u but we feel somehow relieved from the mystery. Our guts telling us something goes wrong and u had a bad feeling about this, u can feel that your partner act different even tho they'll denied it.
I dont wanna trust him, but i wont show it to him that i dont trust him, so i just play along. But from self within i know have to do something, i have to change. I show him more love, more passion, more attention & communication, try to bring him slowly back to me even thou it was very hard to convince him at first. My thought was, he doesnt need to find attention from someone else, if he can talk to someone else for hours, why cant he talk to me? i show him more interest, make him feel warm & comfortable to talk to me. Eventually the talking to other girl start to disappear & by time completely stop. To know the truth is not always been easy, forgive & forget is not an easy thing to do. At that time my decision was i don't need to know the truth, i'll try to fix this.
But if things will never change, eventually the truth will come to surface. Than the decision is in your hand. Can you forgive & trust him again?

justbefree : i hope your relation ends well. Communication is always the best solution. Falling in love is easy, to maintain the love needs effort & hard work. I pray for you & your husband hopefully everything is going to be ok.

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