husband has no libido and is not as affectionate as he used to be
When my husband and I were boyfriend and girlfriend we would have sex three to four times a week, sleep naked together every night, and take showers together all the time. Now that we're married none of that stuff happens. If you're wondering I've been married for six years. Anyways, now we have sex only once a week or once every two weeks. Sometimes I wait longer than that before he finally gives me some. It all depends on him. Sometimes I have to give him an ultimatum by saying he better have sex with me within the next two days or else. He says the reason why he wants it only once a week is because he is busy with work, his running, and other stuff. I think his reason is bull because he has a normal 9-5 job as a heating and air contractor. Its not like he is a doctor working these 20 hour shifts in the E.R. He loves jogging. He runs long distances all the time. If he would have sex with me more often I don't think it would mess up his jogging schedule. What happened? Things were a little better when we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
We've said it before and will probably say it many more times, unless you are willing to walk away, the partner with the lower sex drive, controls sex in the relationship.
It sucks.
Best thing, sit him down and have a calm talk about it. Maybe try running with him and sharing some other things that might bring you closer?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Really sorry to hear your situation, but don't have any good advice. WC's point is completely true - the person with the lower drive controls the sex life.
Communication is one of the blocks in a foundation of any good relationship. You need to either communicate better...enough with the ultimatums already, communicate more or communicate more often (about things that are bugging you).
I hope this hasn't been going on for six years...
In a postive way, remind him or take him back to the days when you were merely dating and how foot loose and fancy free things were sexually then compared to now. Ask him what has changed in his life that has caused such a change in your sex lives together.
I'll ask you the same thing...what has changed? Did he have the same job when you were dating? Same hours? Same responsibilities? Do you have children? Then what's changed?
Perhaps I'm wrong but I don't think there is a switch that one throws once they're married that turns off the "frequent intimacy" gene. If there is, someone please tell me now so I know what to expect if/when I get married.
To me, the lack of intimacy, is a symptom of something else. Something else is going on with him IMO and you need to find out what that is IMO.
How old is he? I imagine he is in decent condition if he runs... a healthy man generally has a biological need to 'release' more than just once every 2 weeks... chances are he's meeting those needs through masturbation.. and if thats the case... asking him to save up that energy for you could truly improve your sex life.
A lot of times guys masturbate out of habit and think that their drive for sex with their partner comes from some other tank ? lol? I don't know... but a lot are like 'bleahhh i wonder why i don't want sex with my wife?? I don't think I have a low drive -- I'm able to masturbate 8 times a day then at the end of the night my wife wants sex and I'm just not in the mood'. Duh, buddy, duh. lol
Not saying thats the root of the issue, but wouldn't hurt talking about it with him if you guys are comfortable discussing that stuff with each other.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
My first thought seeing this was either something is wrong physically or he's masturbating for one reason or another. Sometimes it's just more convenient and easier, sometimes whatever form of sex you are having isn't enough, sometimes it's just habit.... That would be something you'd need to find out before continuing. Or despite being a healthy athletic person there could be something wrong. Male ego tends to get in the way of discovering such problems. They have a tendency to tell you they aren't in the mood even when they want sex but things down below aren't responding properly. Then they expect us not to notice. My husband has had a steadily dropping libido and I keep telling him he should go to the doctor and have his testosterone tested. I'm waiting for libido and ego to come to an agreement and do something about the problem. In the meantime there's a sex machine on my christmas list. I have too big of sex drive to leave it all in the hands of my partner. :P
Hi
I think that the long distance running is a sign of Intimacy issues. I have observed this in multiple relationships over the years. In friends and relatives.
Early romance overcomes these issues by providing a boost to sex drive.
However once the honeymoon is over the prospect of intimacy becomes a tough ask for the Intimacy avoider.( Or Isolator) Long distance running provides endorphins to the runner and these provide a replacement for the feelings they would experience from close personal interaction.
You need to arrange for prescheduled intimacy times a few times a week- Offer sex or cuddles or intimate conversation as options. Dont worry the Intimacy avoider will never opt for intimate conversation but they will be happier to do something else to avoid it.
Good luck
Where did the lust go?
Girlfriend and boyfriend is exciting there is lust , intimacy, sexual tention and some people see marriage as a different perspective, and things fade, the excitement goes.
You talk about sex.
What about intimacy, what about telling him he's cute, sexy, etc does that still occur or has marriage fallen on that note, cooking cleaning..
Does he feel now fat, in-adequate , not as sexy?
Hense running.
Ask yourself this all marriages, relationships need work once the lust and sexual excitement has sub-sided.
My fiance still comes up with things that he hasn't done, or I haven't felt and still gives me the shock factor that wants me to know what the next will be, whilst laughs with me, wants a date, and it's 17 months and we live together...
Keeping it alive is a must.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
My husband and I very active together. We always work out together. Our idea of fun is to go to the gym, kick the soccer ball around, play tennis, and a ton of other activities. And Kira, my husband does not masturbate at all. When it comes to his orgasms he would rather have my vagina or mouth or something
Hi
I workout with my wife as well- It doesn't mean that there are not issues in her life driving her to exercise excessively.
From Lance Armstrong------------
which is why there's probably some truthto the idea that all world-class athletes are actually running away from something. Once,
someone asked me what pleasure I took in riding for so long. "Pleasure?" I said. "I don't
understand the question." I didn't do it for pleasure. I did it for pain.
-------------------
I think that anyone who spends excessive time on a long distance sport is running from something. But that is just my experience.
Does he show interest in Sport to the same extent he used to?
Does you catch him looking at other women- or do you think his libido is down overall?
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