Thread: Is Text Messaging Cheating?

4 Year ago my husband was also involved with another woman in text messaging and phoning. At that stage I was pregnant and very sick, almost lost the baby. My husband complaint I had no time or energy for him. He then met this woman that started calling and texting him. I knew about her but not what was going on. When I realized I spoke to him. He then lied to me. She also got very nasty towards me saying really bad things. My husband however promised me that nothing really happened. I believed him, I however promised him that if he did not break it completely I would leave him. I was hurt and angry. At that stage a friend from my past made contact with me again. We started texting each other. I kept on thinking it was not that wrong because hubbie did it first. He found out and was devestated. We did a lot of soul searching and realized that our marriage was not where it was suppose to be. Today we are extremely happy and it's hard to believe that we almost ended a marriage that now is so good. Don't just give up. Work on your marriage.

I feel so badly for all of you going through this and know exactly how you feel. I was in a horrible marriage for ten years and have two little girls from the marriage. At thirty-nine, I finally left, so that my girls would see that a woman should demand respect and care from her partner. I hoped that I was young enough to find a nice man to marry who would help me care for the girls and perhaps even have another child with me.

I met a wonderful man in my neighborhood and we fell in love. He was fifty. We had such wonderful times together and he loved my daughters like his own. After about six months we began talking about marriage, moving into the house he was building, and having a baby of our own. Then, just before Christmas we were at a big party with his friends, all dressed up, having a wonderful time. We were sitting at the bar and he received a text message. He was a bit drunk and opened it before moving the phone to where I couldn't see it. The message said, "Hi Honey. I'm thinking about you and hope you're having a nice night. I miss you." I said, "What the ---- is that?" He said, "What?" I said, "Who is that?" He said, "Honey, please." I stood up and said, "Tell me right now who that is." "He said, "Are you going to ruin our night now?" I left. He did not come after me.

The next day he texted me that the text message was from "just a friend." I told him there could never be another one. He said okay. That was just the beginning of what has been five months of him keeping the phone from me, the phone ringing in the middle of the night, lying about where he is going and has been, etc etc. It's amazing. When I first started seeing him, I told all of my male friends I could no longer text them because I felt it gave a poor impression to my boyfriend. I also rarely see my male friends anymore, out of respect for him, and I always invite him along when we do want to make plans. If a man makes a pass at me or asks me out I make it crystal clear that I have a boyfriend I love and am in no way interested. It's hard to believe that a man who loves a woman would allow other women to endanger the relationship just so he can get his ego stroked via text a few times a day. Hence, it's hard to believe he truly loves me.

Texting is evil. I do not live with my boyfriend and do not know what kind of emails he receives, and I am glad at least for that. I just couldn't handle it if I saw suggestive emails or nude photographs on his computer. The one text I saw was bad enough; my life and my mind are full of the texts I imagine he gets every day from other women. It's KILLING me and I don't know what to do. I am now almost forty-one years old and exhausted from this relationship. Worst of all, I used to be so trusting and now, NOW at forty-one I have lost my loving trust in people because of this man. Still, I can't leave him and I can't imagine trying to start over with someone else.

I have to be grateful, after some of your texts, that I am not married to this guy--that we don't have children together. How utterly devastating. I will be thinking of and praying for all of you to find peace.