My Husband of 4 months is still out of work and depressed help??!

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-08-2011 06:55 PM

Intimacy, sex, intercourse, whatever you want to call it will DEFINITELY improve once he's working again. It's unfortunate that the two are tied together, but IMO, they are directly connected.

When men aren't "bringing home the bacon" they feel like they are a let down in many other areas of their lives too..."If I don't have a job, I can't be very good in bed"..."at least not as good as SHE deserves"...blah, blah, blah.

Because we as men put so much "value" on our ability to "provide" for our family, EVERYTHING suffers when there is loss of income.

The worst thing you can do is remind/suggest that he is NOT performing well during intimacy. It would be easier on him to stab him in the chest with a steak knife! Be patient, be understanding, remain loving as I'm sure you are, until he gets back on his feet employment wise.

You'll both be happy that you did...

**Mes T** · 04-10-2011 02:20 PM

Hang on now, if he got a temp job he could always continue to look for "permanent" work, sending out his resumes, etc, as well as trying for a permanent position within the company he's got the temp role in. Your hubby's reacting the same way my boyfriend did,

I just don't get this mentality when it comes to temp jobs. Is it possible your husband just has unrealistically high expectations for work? In which case I think he's gotta wake up and smell the coffee, beggers can't be choosers at this point... He needs A job, and THEN, once he's earned some cash, he can go and be choosy.

What's the point of resisting a potentially easy doorway if he's literally got nothing else?

**LisaT** · 04-11-2011 12:04 PM

Mes t I think his worry about a temp job is that he could lose his unemployment and the temp job. At least he gets unemployment and it's stable for the year. I just worry that he will find it's even harder to get a job after bring unemployed so long if he waits for that perfect fit.... Sigh

I have told him it might be worth the risk plus my income supports us mostly. So we would just have to cut back on our budget if he didn't make it at a company

**Mes T** · 04-11-2011 02:17 PM

The thing about temp jobs is when one "ends" you move on to the next, as you'd never have to re-apply with the agency. Temp jobs vary from one week to one year of work (or more, like I mentioned previously). Then you get one day of rest, and then the agency calls you up again and gives you another job.

The agency makes money by giving YOU employment. That's how the system works. They're like the middle-man.

I don't buy his excuses, sorry.

He's not gonna find the "perfect fit" at this rate, and I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up being on unemployment for the rest of his life.

There are people on unemployment who are disabled, who have suffered great tragedies and loss, who spend sleepless days and nights looking for work... they deserve the bit of extra help... What's your husband's excuse?

I hope I don't sound rude or offensive, I certainly don't mean to. You sound like such a lovely person and I would hate for someone like you to have to deal with someone who just doesn't feel like getting a job!