Benefits from "separating"? Terms of separating?

**torn2pieces** · 04-08-2011 12:56 PM

Going through serious issues that may cause for a separation in my relationship. But I never understood separating. Isn't that just opening the door to live single for a few weeks or months? I get your suppose to be thinking, even realizing what life will be like w/o your spouse.

Any stories and experiences of a separation that actually helped?

What are the terms of separation?

I am having a hard time considering separation, because I see it as you are either together or not - it's black and white, no gray area. If anyone can open my mind and make me see how separation helps, please share. And what terms do you agree on?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-08-2011 04:02 PM

Separation can make two people miss each other, realise what they had together, reminise of the beginning and try again.

Separation is otherwise, the finale...

But if one person isn't ready for it, it takes time to heal...If one is ready for it, it is like having freedom all of a sudden there are so many things you don't have to do anymore, don't have to put up with anymore, and you strart to feel good about yourself and look at things you wanted to do but couldn't/ didn't do and you start doing them...

Where children are in-volved? In my opinion, just because two people can not live together, never, separate the children from the other person's life. You unfortunately, can't rid of the Father/Mother and nor should you for the childrens sake, so they still get to see their "Daddy" frequently enough only no longer is he living under the same roof.

If you are still in love, then you have to sit down and discuss where things are going wrong and try to fix them first in my opinion, if you are just "there" for kids, then you have to realise they actually still have a Daddy and he will be there, and discuss that with him, the arrangements of his time with them and get on with your life...

There is a gray area and it's the children. But, isn't that a good thing? He has a son, he has to want to see his son and so discuss that your daughter would be better of also being with her brother when he sees him, the two of them...

CW

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-08-2011 06:41 PM

In your situation, there is no grey area - IMO.

It's CLEARLY black and white. You're just having a tough time making the tough decision...and I understand that. Believe me...and remember, that I am the guy that was cheated on three times (that I know about) and lost his children as a result.

I still think ti was the right decision. Toughest thing I've had to do in this lifetime (so far) and I would do it again tomorrow..in a heart beat.

Nobody said this life was easy...if they did, they lied. ALL of us are faced with tough decisions in our lives...this is yours.

Do the right thing...NOT because of the child(ren) but FOR the child(ren).

**GettingStronger** · 04-16-2011 09:15 AM

I don't really understand separating either, but I guess it means that the two people still have hope that the relationship can work, maybe they need to clear their heads for a bit so they can make a good decision on where the relationship is going. But then I'd question the same thing - is one person going to be thinking about the relationship, while the other moves on? And how long do you "separate" for?
Life is definitely hard sometimes

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-16-2011 10:05 AM

Divorce is a serious decision. Its not like when your dating and break up and pack all your stuff and go stay at moms for the weekend, he comes and appologies and you move back in and things are all tidy. No. Divorce involves division of property, all the legalities involved there, custody hearings, seperation of financials all that stuff. So when a married couple gets mad at each other... a lot choose to go for the seperation first that way they can determain it is what they truly want before getting the courts involved.

Some people seperate a few weeks and decide that no, thats not what they want, they move back in together and no harm no foul. Others seperate for years and pretty much live like a divorced couple, work out their division of property among themselves for whatever reason decide not to file that paperwork dissolving the marriage. But also some seperate, give it a few weeks or months and determain that yes, they want to be permanantly apart from their spouse and move forward with a divorce.

Basically a seperation allows for a cooling off period before making a decision that, once made, can make things a pain in the rear to undo.

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