Box of letters

**auntie_awesome** · 04-10-2011 02:14 PM

How would you react if your mother-in-law brought a giant box over and told you it was filled with childhood pictures of your husband, some room decorations and a couple of teddy bears......

and after she left you unpacked the box, found a shoebox at the bottom filled with letters from other girls when he was younger?

At first I was confused and went through a few, when I saw their contents...even though it was years ago...I felt kind of shaky and sick to my stomach. So I emailed my husband and he freaked...he thinks his mother did it on purpose to punish him for a fight they had and to upset me. (For those who have followed the MIL stuff...she's insane). I called my mom and the moment I told her what I had in my possession...she said the same thing! That my MIL did it on purpose and her own MIL (my grandma) did that with photos to her at one point. My mom told my dad...who again, immediately said she did it on purpose because of the fight that happened a few weeks ago.

So...what would you do? Would something like that upset you? How would you handle your MIL?

The argument was because she wanted to have a garage sale and get rid of her kids childhood things. The kids, and me, said NO and to give us a chance to get up there and get it from her. She said okay...then had the garage sale anyway after she told us she wouldn't.

Seriously ladies...I'm finally to the point where I just don't want anything to do with her. After everything that happened yesterday (when I found out she had the garage sale anyway and her going off about my husband and one of her other kids) I'm so done.

**jns** · 04-10-2011 03:00 PM

She probably did it to be mean, which is enough of a reason to limit her in your lives. However, if the letters show that your husband had a normal life when he was younger, I would not see it as a reason to get angry or jealous for that. Further, if I could stick it to the MIL by not having a reaction, it would go double. I might even make some carefully crafted comments to make her burn even more, maybe about how he seemed happy then, but he is even happier now with you. And thank her for the mementos.

**auntie_awesome** · 04-10-2011 03:36 PM

He has asked me to throw them away. He said he would honestly expect me to do the same if he found out I had a box of letters from guys I used to date or write to, lol. I don't either of us want to face what might be in the letters and god forbid someone after we are gone finds them and reads them. The few I read, well...I wish I hadn't of. Even old letters from me stating I just wanted to be friends...seriously. There was a LOT of stuff in that box. SO much...who knew he even KNEW that many girls! lol I think it's a bit of jealousy, because during the time we were establishing a relationship...apparently he was receiving a LOT Of other stuff from others as well. But mostly...I'm kind of weirded out. It makes me uncomfortable.

My sister-in-law said the same thing as you jns. I'm not giving her a reaction that's for sure...I may just ignore her completely from here on out though. After yesterday and the box of letters...combined with the other stuff...I'm done. My husband has informed his siblings it's time they put their foot down and stop letting her torture them all.

I would never do that to my kid...even my mom said if she found a box like that or found a bunch of letters, she'd call and ask me what to do with them first.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-10-2011 05:47 PM

Why must we "erase" our pasts for the preservation of the relationship we currently find ourselves in?

I ask that because my SO tends to get upset when I hear from somebody in my past, who happens to be female, whether we ever dated or not.

Everything you received is part of his history. You are his now and his future...forever...so what's the big deal?

As for the MIL and her strange behaviors, try to stay "above board" and accept her for who she is, forgive her for what she does and lead as happy of a life with the man you love without allowing her to disrupt it.

Obviously, she can't be trusted (...had the garage sale anyway...) so as difficult as it may be, try to accept that fact and move on.

Forgiveness is very powerful and is for YOU not for her.

She appears to be unhappy in her life, for whatever reason. It's unfortunate that she is trying to negatively impact the lives of her children and their families as a result.

This is an unfortunate situation. I wish you the best.

**WildChild** · 04-10-2011 06:20 PM

Can you find some humor in this? What a lame thing to do!
What do you care if he had a thousand women in his past? That's not now. You are the one he chose to be with, the more women he was with, the more it says about you being the best. So unless you have some reason to believe he was deluded in his choice, it's a total non issue.

The man I'm seeing is still friends with some old gfs from clear back in HS, that's a lot of years. I'm still friends with some past lovers and he knows that and knows one I was crazy about - it's a non issue. We don't hide anything and are open with each other.

Don't worry about this stuff. Just let it go. What ever the motivation, it only works if you let it. Getting upset and stressed means she hit home. Be stronger in your love and confidence than that.

**oxy-moron** · 04-11-2011 01:50 AM

She is only trying to bait you- don't take the hook.

**spurzzz** · 04-11-2011 03:15 AM

The variety of different scenario's people find themselves in constantly amazes me! Everyone seems to go through some sort of "pain" in their relationship, yet in so many different forms.....alright, where shall I start

When I was with my previous Girlfriend, the situation I was in was a total disaster.MIL was not the problem, no no it was the previous ex of her's who was in prison for cocaine related offences and whom was hassling her. By hassling I mean a Love Letter everyday and 100 or more phonecalls everyday. I had to put up with this amongst all her drinking and violence towards me ----- not to mention his threats towards me..

It came to the point where I was "hooked" in amongst the games that they were playing and became the bait in the middle. I personaly commend myself for staying with her for 2 years through all this - and even while he was out as I am not the scared type. But after all the struggle and hope I realized that the woman I had cared for soo much and fought for had too many issues that she was not prepared to deal with, including alcohol issues. I left. After going through all that..........!

I have learned a great deal from this relationship and have become a man because of it. In retrospect it told me who I was...
I suggest for you to be strong and not put up with any sort of and games at all! Once you let someone get away with something, they will bring back more....

Make it clear to your husband, his MIL, that you will not tolerate this sort of outrageous behaviour any more, at all. If the games still continue, make some bold statements that hit home and get the message across that way. The term "bold statements" is down to interpretation of course

Good Luck