Get documents, tax returns, whatever you can find to show how much money he has made to go towards his child support. Find any bank accounts he may have also. If you think he has hidden money, try and find it and show the court.
File for divorce now! Since you were married 11 years you should be able to get alimony and some of his benefits- military, etc. and you should qualify to get his social security when he is older.
I was married to a like that! Don't count on child support- I hardly get any! I have been divorced 4 years and it still bothers me but it is a lot easier than 4 years ago!
He has clearly moved on and only seeing his son once in 6 months shows what a he is. My kids see their dad about twice a year now and he lives close!
Stop all contact with him- no phone calls, emails or texts. If he wants to contact your son let him but dont' talk to him. Live as if he doesn't exist. let the courts handle all your financial stuff.
Yes hes hiding money. I know for sure. I am going to file for legal separation this week. I have to take the first step. I know time heals all wounds but it hurts so bad that a man you trusted and gave your all to does you like this. I'm a good person, and I stood by him when noone would. When will the pain go away?
Another thing you need to do ASAP is separate your finances. Get him removed from your credit cards (ID and Mrs only) and request that you be removed from his credit cards. Get your own bank account. Once you file for separation he should not be able to remove you from his insurance but contact the auto insurance and make sure that will stay in effect. Part of the divorce should require you both to have term life insurance with your son as the beneficiary.
Get copies of your credit reports, that will tell you if there are any accounts you don't know about. You are entitled to one free report from each of the three agencies a year. go to annualcreditreport dot com for that. Until you get a legal separation agreement you are probably jointly liable for any debt he incurs. You want to avoid surprises if at all possible. My last husband tried to charge a car on my credit card but I had already remove him as an authorized user, he was POd, but that would have been a disaster for me.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
The pain will take time to lessen, sometimes a lot of time.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
"we were seeing each other 2 times a month"
Thats the trouble with a lot of married couples, they get so sucked up with a routine they neglect each other and think the other person will always be there no matter what. People see their accountants 2 times a month not their partners, please try and learn from this.
"that he had been seeing a woman who would come there weekly"
Great, so you found out from your own investigation that he has been cheating on you the whole time. Would he had even of told you if you didn't find out? How do you know he hasen't cheated before? Married for 11 years, you sure? Because to me he does not show any sort of love or compassion in the way he is treating you or your son and it doesn't make complete sense to me. If he is that cruel you wouldn't have been with him for 11 years, so what pushed him to it?
There must have been other underlying issues that were wrong in the marriage. We only have your side of the story to go on, what were you doing to him to make him like this? Did you push him away? Are you totally an Angel? Have you cheated on him before to make him so cruel?
"I have tried begging him back, pleading, but he refuses"
If I was you, I would transfer this energy onto yourself and apply the same sentence to yourself. Time to get yourself back.
"The way he did this was so hurtful and painful. He ripped my heart and soul out, from me and my son"
You need to set a good example to your son and show him what is right and wrong. You put up with Daddy's nonsense and act the weak victim he will see this and think it's ok to do what Daddy did..........for your sons sake get A GRIP and move on. Yes I know its difficult and you were so used to the situation it is hard to live without him and so fourth - it happens to us all. It is time for a mental adjustment and time for you to smell the roses.
Life is taking you on another journey....embrace it and accept what needs to be done. That idiot doesn't know what he has lost, one day he might..........if you have what it takes to move on!
I am going to tell you what you don't want to hear!
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't
As I read this I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much. I'm so glad I found this forum! I have to get a grip before I loose everything I have worked so hard for. I have find a way to get more clients so that I can fully support my son until child support and alimony comes through.
No I have never cheated. And yes there were some problems in the marriage. He came from a bad home and had a anger management problem.
He never tried to get help. He grew up in a abusive home. so I don't think he ever knew how to love, because he has a bad relationship with his Mother. A very stubborn man, but I tolerated it because I married him. I took my vows seriously. I'm no angel by far, I am a good wife and Mother this I do know. I do stand up for myself when he verbally abuses me, he wants a weak woman who does not say anything. I cant do that. I have to move on as much as it hurts me, It will take time, I can only take it day by day. This morning I feel empty inside, but I have to shake it. He has not missed a beat hes going on with his life happy go lucky. I just wonder why nothing bad happens to him, he does wrong all the time and he still lands on his feet.
Sorry to hear about your situation, but there is a huge concensus that you most certainly doing the right thing.
To answer your last question (even though it seemed rhetorical), no one has ever held him accountable for his actions. I hate to say it, but you gave your own reason why in the first part of your last post.
It's time to hold him accountable so you can live your own life.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
I feel so much compassion for you for the hurt and pain you are going through, pls look within yourself to find the strength and courage you need to get through this, when my husband left me the hardest obstacle i had to overcome was acceptance that my marriage was over, I dont know you but i bet you are an awesome person, who dosnt deserve this, if you feel you need to cry pls do so its the most healing remedy you can do for yourself right now, He is selfish not to give you a divorce you may need this to be able to move on with life, Please remember that you are a person who has feelings, i hope that you hve support in your place of residence it is important to be around family and friends, Please look after yourself,
let him go. why would you want a cheating, lying man back in your life or your son's life. time heals all...move on and let him run off with his mistress, trust me down the road you'll be thankful.
Posting Permissions
LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks