My Husband Cheated on me w his coworker, should he quit?
My husband and i have been married for 9 yrs, i just recently found out he cheated w a coworker who is also married, her husband was the one who called me and told me his wife had confessed the affair, later after i found out about the affair i also found out he was sexting another coworker, before during and after the affair the has lied to me countless of time, therefore i dont trust him, i think he should find another job but he believes my request is irrational.. now im doubting myself wether he should stay or quit his job..help
His job is not the issue. His willingness to cheat on his wife is. You can move him to a hundred different jobs and if the man wants to cheat, he'll find someone to cheat with.
To me, you should be doubting your marriage instead of doubting his job. Why do you want to stay married to a man that cheats and lies and that you cannot trust??
"Be what you're looking for."
"The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."
He has been working for the same company for over a decade, and he has a pretty god job, i want to give our marriage one LAST chance, but im not quite convinced that he has learned from his mistakes. and the way i see it MAYBE by he leaving his job and throwing away 10 yrs over an affair, he might think twice before he risk his marriage again.
doubtful.. this is treating the symptom and not the cause. Punishing him by forcing him to quit his job is not going to stop him from cheating again.. actually, I'd say there's a good chance it will make him resentful and thus more prone to doing it again.Originally Posted by Mrs.Not Perfect
Have you and he discussed marriage counseling to figure out why he's cheated? Something must be missing in the equation if he's willing to risk his marriage and his career for a fling with a coworker. A licensed counselor will be able to help you two figure out what that is so you can move forward in your relationship and save your marriage, if that is the ultimate goal you want to acheive.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
All the more reason for him to not give up his job. What is that going to do for you? You think by switching jobs he will not still have access to this woman if he wants to? Sure he will and many others if he wants to. You will not control him into being faithful. HE is the only one that can do that.
One last chance. Those are some famous words dear. Think about if this were your best friend telling you this story, what would you tell her? You're giving him once last chance to hurt you? Once last chance to bring home an STD to you? One last chance to make you feel not pretty enough? Ask yourself, what has he done to deserve one last chance?
"Be what you're looking for."
"The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."
we just started going to a counselor, and shes working w us on rebuilding our marriage but i cant just stand the thought of knowing that he goes every day to work and sees her, and i know that if he wants to cheat (wether is w her or any other female) he will find a way to do so.. idk i just have so many feelings, so many questions, im constantly changing my mind on what i should do vs what i want to do.. he is a good man an excelent father and a great providor but i dont want to be hurt again.
these are all very legitimate thoughts and feelings to be having! He betrayed you, and now your trust is broken, but you still love him as your husband. It is confusing and hurtful and completely natural that your constantly going to be second guessing.we just started going to a counselor, and shes working w us on rebuilding our marriage but i cant just stand the thought of knowing that he goes every day to work and sees her, and i know that if he wants to cheat (wether is w her or any other female) he will find a way to do so.. idk i just have so many feelings, so many questions, im constantly changing my mind on what i should do vs what i want to do.. he is a good man an excelent father and a great providor but i dont want to be hurt again.
Make sure your counselor is aware of these inner struggles. Perhaps some one-on-one time would be beneficial too (maybe you're already doing that). It is a process... but I still do not believe making him quit his job will be of any benefit to either one of you. Stick it out with the counselor for a while since you've just started, and allow him or her the time to help you and your husband work through those feelings without making any drastic moves, like quitting a good, stable job.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
we see our counselor once a week, shes really nice but in my eyes this healing thing is not happening fast enough, for example her #1 rule is "do not bring up the past" in my head im like WFT? really? im trapped in the past every day he goes to work is a 50/50 chance this might happen again, how can i not bring up the past when certain things brign up thoughts about them 2, what am i supposed to act around him now? mad? pissed? sad? do i show him how truly hurt i am? or should i keep the little (if any) dignity i have and move on? i CANT nor I WONT like nothing never happen. but sometimes i feel like that is being prejected as a i dont want to work on my marriage. so am i just ed no matter what i do?
I can see your counselor wanting you do "look forward," but I too would ask, does that mean I have to ignore what happened??
Have you talked in-depth with your husband as to WHY he did this? Was there not enough intimacy at home for him, did the two of you have a big fight, anything along those lines? Is he having a mid-life crisis or something?
Getting to the root of the problem, as previously mentioned, can help you to understand the situation, even if you later decide that you will not be able to accept it.
How is your communication in general?
I'm sorry you are going through this. Hugs through the internet.
you want to give your husband another chance..ok, fine, but asking him to quit or making him quit his job...im not sure about that because like the rest of the girls have mentioned, he could do his dirt anywhere else, so tbh it wouldnt make a difference whether hes in this job or that job..its him as a person that matters, do you think that he has realized or regretted committing this horrible CRIME i would say.. well you know him best, but i don't think there would be a need of him quitting is job..the other woman wouldn't go near him again in that way if she values her marriage, and plus like i said before, its not about the job, its him, can you trust him again? if you can, then forget about him getting a new job.
Last edited by littleprincess; 05-05-2011 at 02:45 PM.
~I scream at the mouse and smile at the wolf~
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