I feel so neglected and ignored by my partner...what to do?

**littleprincess** · 05-05-2011 02:09 PM

OK hi everyone

this is my first thread and well as i don't have much emotional support from my partner i thought that perhaps i could seek for some of that here.

A little about myself..im 21 year's old, and my partner is 31 (i cant live with him due to my culture), we've been together for a year and had our ups and downs etc, anyhow we got through that somehow and i love him very much, but i don't think he is emotionally connected to me at all. We're both traditional and so when he wanted to make things a bit more serious with me ,meaning to get engaged with me, he asked my parents and now we are in the process as we both have a big family and basically its like that film 'the big fat Greek wedding', so we're still in the process of getting engaged if that makes sense, so he is not my fiancé yet, though my parents and his family are happy about the whole thing too, but its just not a quick procedure.

The problems are that he sometimes treats me like a child, and maybe doesn't take me that serious when i get emotional and all girlie, ( i do cry a lot, and ask for this and that quite a bit plus i hate waiting for anything and he can take years on whatever).

I always text him first and then get his texts much later on, and he never calls me, well hardly..and when i call him he almost never picks up..he does work so i can understand that but after work?..

like just now, iv text him 3 times, and called him many times, but no reply,and i text him a few hours before calling him so there was a gap.

i feel like one of those mad gf's or some sort of stalker:s

i feel that he doesnt understand that if he texts me now and again il be happier or just ok at least, it calms me somehow... or if he calls me, il know that hes been thinking about me..

he's really into his sport cars and i think thats the only thing that interests him, i did at one point, but now that he knows that hes got me, well, he doesnt need to try anymore i guess, it seems that way.

i really don't know what to do...if i tell him how i feel i know what he would say ' baby i was busy' or 'baby i was with my brother'...or 'baby i left my phone here or there'...anyway, i somehow drive myself crazy i think, because i don't know what to do.

feel free to tell me what i might not realize or know..

xxx

**Mes T** · 05-05-2011 02:35 PM

How does he treat you in general? Are you happy with him?

Why do you "cry a lot" and get emotional? What is happening in your lives together that is making you do that?

If you could give us some more information into your lives together, that would help us see the big picture.

Many of us have had issues where our partners don't want to text or call or whatever as often as we would like them to. But, that all comes down to an individual, and maybe you two just aren't compatible in that area, which doesn't necessarily have to be a problem.

My ex boyfriend and I texted each other constantly, and it felt good at the time, but now I realize it was in a way very possessive and controlling behavior. "Where are you now?" "What are you doing?" "Why haven't you texted me yet?"

My current boyfriend and I text once a day to say "have a good day" or something to that effect, and that has taken me a little while to get used to, because I thought maybe him not texting me more meant he didn't care about me.

FAR from the truth.

The number of times someone texts you does NOT have to indicate how much they're thinking about you.

I've thought about my boyfriend 5 times this morning already, but have I texted him that many times? No.

He knows he's on my mind, he doesn't need a text. He's working now, he's busy, and he probably needs SOME time apart from me to "do his own thing."

If you're kind of possessive, and want your man to obsess over you day in and day out, then just be careful... We are all individuals who sometimes need our own space.

**littleprincess** · 05-05-2011 02:57 PM

Thanks for the reply MES T,

well, in general when I'm with him he treats me wonderfully, hes very caring and gives me a lot of attention, hes much more mature than me and sometimes understands me when i act immaturely, plus hes been with a lot of women before me so hes experienced so much more than me. Overall in person he is charming and loving.

Its when hes not with me when the change happens, he tends to ignore my calls and texts and i sometimes feel that its deliberate too..because he knows what I'm like, he would i guess because iv also explained to him in the past on how i am like etc.
Hes not so open with me, like when i do have convos with him by text and ask him where he is and what hes doing, hes always very vague about it all.

With regards to me crying a lot and being emotional, i just have such a bad habit of having difficulties in expressing myself with words most of the time, if I'm happy i sometimes cry a little or keep silent, and when I'm offended or if i think that hes said something harsh i wont be able to help myself but cry :S its something really bad and over the top i know, but i need to find a way to somehow control it.. its not loud cries but sort of silent cries and tears. plus we've had problems in the past about my past! he didn't like the fact that i had dated before and that got to him, and he would somehow just get upset because of that, and i would explain and try to tell him that i love him and that non of that matters etc, but he would keep on asking questions..

I really liked your example about your current relationship, yeah your right, texts do not indicate and shouldn't really indicate on how much someones thinking about you..

I am a little possessive if I'm honest...but somehow i cannot help it i think:s

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-05-2011 03:46 PM

It's a need, therefore needy, to ensure that he isn't going anywhere..

Your families have accepted your love but it's a long process, if you were engaged, or married to him, would you be so needy? Or is it because you are not, you are feeling in-secure that you may lose him, in other words will the ring stop you feeling this way?

You are certainly not alone in this field...So many threads are simular so don't feel ashamed or bad of it, he knows it and accepts it and trys to calm you with baby I was busy, or baby I was with my brother....He is saying, I show you all my love in person...when I am not here I am doing things outside of the relationship...

You need to find things as well outside of the relationship so you can stand independently and therefore, occupy your mind...

Did you feel neglected growing up?

PS: I deleted the same thread in the Relationship section as your thread comes up on todays posts, no need to put it into different sections

**Mes T** · 05-05-2011 04:22 PM

I agree with CW about perhaps seeing what kind of hobbies or interests might occupy some of your free time. It may sound random but it really works!

The main thing that's helped me stay independent in my current relationship is making sure to hang out with my friends on a regular basis, write, shop, play video games (okay that is nerdy, please ignore ha!)...

If you are occupied and happy, you won't be thinking "where is my text message where is my text...!!". You'll be too busy enjoying yourself.

You know how he acts when you are together. He is loving, caring, takes care of you. Trust that.

He's not as "needy" as you are when it comes to phone calls and texts because he knows: my girl loves me, she is wonderful to me, and I'm secure in that knowledge.

**littleprincess** · 05-05-2011 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

It's a need, therefore needy, to ensure that he isn't going anywhere..

Your families have accepted your love but it's a long process, if you were engaged, or married to him, would you be so needy? Or is it because you are not, you are feeling in-secure that you may lose him, in other words will the ring stop you feeling this way?

You are certainly not alone in this field...So many threads are similar so don't feel ashamed or bad of it, he knows it and accepts it and trys to calm you with baby I was busy, or baby I was with my brother....He is saying, I show you all my love in person...when I am not here I am doing things outside of the relationship...

You need to find things as well outside of the relationship so you can stand independently and therefore, occupy your mind...

Did you feel neglected growing up?

PS: I deleted the same thread in the Relationship section as your thread comes up on todays posts, no need to put it into different sections

I think i would be a bit more calm CW, yeah, i think having that officialness to it like a ring or just for this process to reach an official engagement would make me less insecure, because i am insecure, and i think its because of my first relationship which was just nasty and went on for too long ( completely verbally and physically abusive partner), and my partner now is just so calm and relaxed that it makes me a bit shaky and worried..

I did feel a little bad about the way i am before i posted anything ,because I'm not a bad person and i try to be a giver more than anything..

your right i do need to do something outside of the relationship to occupy myself with, that i will do

And about being neglected while growing up, well the only thing i can think of is never being close with my mother and not having a father figure really, maybe that could have affected me in some way, of needing and wanting him to always be with me..

thanks for your reply CW, appreciate it a lot

**littleprincess** · 05-05-2011 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by MES T

I agree with CW about perhaps seeing what kind of hobbies or interests might occupy some of your free time. It may sound random but it really works!

The main thing that's helped me stay independent in my current relationship is making sure to hang out with my friends on a regular basis, write, shop, play video games (okay that is nerdy, please ignore ha!)...

If you are occupied and happy, you won't be thinking "where is my text message where is my text...!!". You'll be too busy enjoying yourself.

You know how he acts when you are together. He is loving, caring, takes care of you. Trust that.

He's not as "needy" as you are when it comes to phone calls and texts because he knows: my girl loves me, she is wonderful to me, and I'm secure in that knowledge.

MES T, your right, i feel that if i did have a hobby or something to occupy myself with, that it would draw my attention elsewhere in a good and positive way

oh and video games rock lol not nerdy at all

!

thanks a bunch.
xxx