I made a big mistake and I don't know what to do!

**emeraldwings** · 05-05-2011 06:50 PM

i'm new to this whole being married thing and i'm not really sure what i should do.

see, me and my husband got married a little over two weeks ago and decided to keep something a secret. however, i told my best friend about it. being blunt and honest as i am, i told my husband and he got mad at me.

see, we still do not live with each other because i wanna finish getting my associates, but we will live together as soon as i get that degree. he also has a stable job where he lives and can't live here because right now its hard to find a job. and he doesn't have any degree as he didn't finish college with anything. we live two hours apart. so we mostly talk online. webcam and such to save our minutes.

anyway, after the marriage he asked if i would tell my best friend. i told him that i would but probably not, ending it to be a maybe so he knows that i will eventually tell her. i also ask him if i can tell my mom, but he said it was too soon.

yesterday, i met up with my best friend at starbucks and told her that we got married two weeks ago. excited that she is she supported our decision. as i said before, being blunt and honest as i am, i told him what i did. the moment i told him he replies with errr why did you tell her?

here was our conversation better yet:

me: oops.. i meant. how was your day luv..
i told ciara about us..
she said congrats
5:54 PM Houn: errrrrr
why did u tell!
me: she's my best friend... she promised she won't say anything.. no one else knows but her..
5:55 PM don't be mad honey...
5:57 PM honey??
6:01 PM Houn: i'm not talkin to u!
6:02 PM me: huh??
why??
6:05 PM i'm sorry honey!
6:06 PM we promised no secret between me and her..
6:10 PM i didn't tell anyone else.. just ciara.. and i don't plan on telling other people..
Houn: whatever
everyone's gonna find out
don't talk to me right now
me: no they won't
6:11 PM Houn: i'm going sleep
bye
me: i'm not gonna say anything to anywone else
=(

then he signs off without a word

so now i don't know what to do. i know i'm at fault cause i should have not done that. i also emailed himm an apology letter. it had my reasons as to why i told her and then told him. saying that i didn't wanna keep a lie to him and that i wasn't trying to lose his trust.

then today, this morning, i texted him with another apology and he replied during his break. he replies with "it's too late. what's done cannot be changed. don't worry about it." so i reply that i understand that he doesn't wanna talk about it and i'll wait til he wants to. and asked if i can see him today (online).

but he's not online and i don't think he will talk to me today. =( i wanna see him this weekend too!

anyway, i don't know what to do. i know i'm at fault but i don't think he understands that i reflected on my actions and understand what i did. i don't understand that he just shuns me out after i tell him something and he gets mad. he's done this so many times and i just let it go. cause i know he likes to not talk about things and so i always wait til he calms down.

anyway, i need some advice please.

i know i'm at fault, but what should i do?

**emeraldwings** · 05-05-2011 07:02 PM

i can't seem to edit but adding this cause i forgot to mention.

last time i didn't talk to him for a day, it was because i was sick and din't wanna talk to me cause of that. the whole day i was thinking that i did something wrong to make him not wanna talk to me. no replies, nothing.

**Agony_Aunt** · 05-05-2011 07:48 PM

Okay, I think you are going to have to explain this a little more.

Why does he not want you to tell your family or friends, that you two got married?

**emeraldwings** · 05-05-2011 08:39 PM

yes. honestly i wanna tell people already but he doesn't want to let others know.

**Mes T** · 05-05-2011 09:12 PM

You're married and he wants to keep it a secret? WHY?

I don't think he has any right to be mad at you. I don't know whose idea it was to keep this whole thing a secret, but I think that's a big shame.

Didn't you want to have a nice ceremony with all your closest friends and family members there, to share in your special day?

I guess I'm just really confused why this secret marriage happened.

To be blunt, it seems like your marriage was the "big mistake," not the fact that you told someone about it.

**emeraldwings** · 05-05-2011 09:38 PM

because we weren't dating that long and we didn't want our family to opose and make us wait.
we both know that we will be together so we went for it
but i wanna let my family know already

**emeraldwings** · 05-05-2011 09:38 PM

because we weren't dating that long and we didn't want our family to opose and make us wait.
we both know that we will be together so we went for it
but i wanna let my family know already

**Mes T** · 05-05-2011 10:20 PM

You keeping it a secret will only make the opposition worse, I promise you that. And the longer you keep the secret, the more they'll oppose, because they WILL find out eventually.

So ask your husband what exactly the point was of keeping it a secret in the first place?

Go tell your family, hun. And tell your partner to "man up" and stop acting so foolish.

If your love for one another is as strong as you claim, then you should stand up to opposition with shoulders held high, confident, smiling. Not hiding out like a couple of bandits who are unsure of themselves and think they did something wrong!

**jns** · 05-05-2011 10:48 PM

There is a reason to not get married without knowing very much of the other person. It is because you don't know how the other one will react in such situations. He should have not reacted this way as he should have known you would tell your best friend, even though you promised not to. The secret was just too big. He probably wonders if he can trust you or if he made a mistake. This is not a good way to start a marriage. He will have to get over it and see that wanting you to keep it a secret was more than he could ask for. Good luck.

**Chas** · 05-21-2011 11:38 PM

I agree that there is nothing to be obtained by keeping your marriage a secret. The big problem I see is the lack of communication. You say he won't talk to you because he is mad. Are you two in high school? This is crazy.