Husband and porn....

**Preciouslove436** · 05-13-2011 08:45 PM

I have the same problem and don't know what to do. I really think he would rather look at pictures then me. He used to be into me at beginning but lost interest pretty quick. We got married after being together after 6 years and been married 3 years. He is always looking at young "teens" and all kinds of pictures bust mostly young women. I am 30 years old, he is 38 and we have a 16 year old daughter, I'm really worried he wants/likes younger instead of me (although I look young myself but not my body at all, meaning I have stretch marks, not so perky breasts, not a "tight" vagina and not a tight little belly). We used to have sex a lot but then it slowed down a lot, sometimes we would go a month or months without having sex at all. He used to take pictures of me, but not anymore. I have gained 20-30 pounds since beginning and got older and I think this has a lot to do with it. I have been asking him to stop with porn since we been together and he will tell me he has stopped but always starts back up again. The worse part is he saves hundreds to thousands even millions of nude women. He always lies and says he stopped but never does. He said we are done, finished and he is moving out as soon as possible. I don't know what to do and I really do love him.

**jns** · 05-13-2011 10:00 PM

Your love of him is not enough. He has to love you and it sounds like he doesn't. Is the daughter from both of you? If so, he was 22 and you were 14, not a good start. Protect your assets so he doesn't grab everything.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-13-2011 11:35 PM

Outside of the porn -- take porn out of the equation for just a moment -- does he make you feel loved and special? Wanted and desired? If not, it doesn't matter if it was porn he was using or not, the bottom line is he isn't treating you the way you deserve. You, and no one really ever... wants to blame the person they love for hurting their feelings... so they blame the next best thing... the action the person is taking to hurt them. But in reality... its not the porn thats hurting you -- its HIM. His actions to sexually neglect you, his actions to remove his affections from you and focus them selfishly... what about you and your needs? What about your feelings and his respect for you?

Once you put your attention on him and how he treats you, only then can you get to a solution, or realize that there isn't one. By focusing on the porn your making it a scapegoat... as if he is not responsible for the way he treats you because of the porn, no the porn is just another smack in the face to the way he's already treating you... you telling him to stop with it, didn't fix anything between you guys... because the problem is him, its him alienating himself from the relationship, and though he is using porn to facilitate his own personal intimacy and allowing him to not need you in that department -- its him making the choice to do it. So focus on him, focus on the fact you want more of his attention, that you want to feel wanted and loved and desired, you want to feel like a woman to him, a sexual woman, a respected woman.

If he can't do that for you, thats the problem, not anything else.

**spurzzz** · 05-14-2011 02:19 AM

There may also be a chance he is addicted to porn, if you say he tries to stop but always goes back? You may want to look into that and also get him to also.

It seems to me at the moment there is little love in this relationship and his mouthing of wanting to leave is one that you should take seriously. Sometimes we echoe in bad times what we feel the most. That is cause for concern and you will have to look at every aspect of this relationship and try to communicate with your partner about solving the problems.

It is a two-way thing and he has to be willing to put the effort in, if he is not it will not work and you may as well let him leave and call it a day.

Counselling, support groups, self-help books --- many different avenues to get help from.

**Preciouslove436** · 03-22-2012 10:47 AM

* jns ~ The daughter is his (my step-daughter).
* everyone ~ Thank you so much for all your advice. He would make me feel loved and special (not as often as I would like but he does). Since I wrote this I don't think he is really into it anymore, I haven't seen anything or seen signs. I got pregnant in Oct and due in June of this year (we have been trying sice we got together). We started having sex very often again and just for fun and finally it happened. We had a long talk and he explained to me why he looked at it and that he didn't need it but it was a hobby. Things couldn't be better our relationship is the way it was at begining and now we have a baby boy on the way and both extremely happy. I have seen a huge change in him and he has been extra sweet and good to me! I thought I would update you all and honestly I forgot I had posted this about a year ago. Thank you all for your help and best wishes to all of you!